


Battle Lines

by gorgondrifter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 3x07, Angst, Badass commander, Bottom Lexa, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, Gets a little sexual in one or two scenes, Heda Lexa, Jealous Lexa, Mentions Niylarke but no hate, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Octavia has anger issues in this, Platonic Bellamy and Clarke, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Some Kabby, Some sea mechanic, Sometimes Bottom Clarke, Sometimes Top Lexa, Top Clarke, True Love, soft lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 01:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 48,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgondrifter/pseuds/gorgondrifter
Summary: Clarke and Lexa end up on opposite sides of the blockade but cannot stop being drawn to each other and have to keep their relationship a secret. Lots of love and pining.Part 1 of theBattle Lines series





	1. Ste Yuj

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Clexa fanfic and is another Canon divergence story from episode 3x07 where Lexa is not shot and Clarke still leaves. Clarke tries to stop the war with the grounders but her and Lexa end up on opposite sides despite being completely in love with each other.
> 
> Their relationship is still a secret and there is lots of pining. In this version Jaha never found the City of Light, Alie 1 isn't ending the world but just dormant/hidint away and the nightbloods were still created. Titus has still captured Murphy but he never shot anyone being too distracted with finding out about Murphy's knowledge of the symbol. 
> 
> Murphy did find the Alie who tried to convince him to take the chip but he refused and escaped. Mainly Clarke and Lexa POV and more exposition and inner thoughts than scenes (which is new for me but seemed to fit this style of story).

Clarke POV

_When do you leave?_

The question was burned deep into her memory along with the sadness in Lexa's eyes. It had cascaded from there into what had followed. Soft kisses. Soft touches. Skin against skin. Light and tender but intense and hungry.

Clarke jerked awake on the horse, memories of Lexa filling her thoughts. It was a dream that she didn't want to wake up from but her people needed her. She didn't even know what came next. All she knew was that there was a burning deep inside her heart, a craving, a longing for her.

She couldn't think of that just now. She couldn't afford to let herself doze even for a second. She had missed Octavia and was close to missing the deadline for the blockade. She daren't consider what happened next, terrible possibilities flooding her mind.

Her and Lexa on different sides.

Arriving too late.

Letting it show on her face what had happened.

How did she hide it?

She had to.

For her people. For Lexa.

If people knew about them the alliance would be even more at risk and Lexa's strength might be questioned. Clarke's own people might stop listening to her for fear that her judgment was compromised.

_Maybe it was._

When she saw the metal gates, she sighed in relief. She'd made it. She tensed when she got closer to the gate fearing what lay on the other side.

_Ste yuj_ she told herself. _Your people need you. You have to stop this war. There is no time for your feelings_.

 

Lexa POV

Lexa finally rose from her bed and dressed herself slowly. She could barely breathe knowing that Clarke had already left. She had watched her leave without a word barely able to keep herself from begging her to stay.

She still couldn't believe that it had happened. All of her hunger and yearning and secret feelings had finally spilled out when Clarke had kissed her. She'd been stunned, a tear falling down her cheeks before she'd been able to stop it. She hadn't let herself believe it possible.

A weird new feeling was within her. A feeling that had grown with their first kiss, a tiny slither of hope in the darkness, a feeling that had grown in intensity each day since then even though she'd tried to ignore it. Feelings that refused to go away and continued to strengthen to the point that she didn't want to resist them anymore.

She felt a sense of great warmth. Whatever happened next, they had shared a bed now, they had- they had-

Lexa sighed.

And now Clarke was gone back to her own people and she may never see her again. Lexa hadn't felt so close to breaking since Costia but she had never felt so strong either because she had never felt anything so wonderful as she had in that kiss, in that bed, in that moment where they had loved each other entirely.

_Hodness._

_Love._

That was entirely what she felt. She understand that now. She loved Clarke and there was no way back, no supressing it now. Everything had changed.

She exited her room still in a daze going to find Titus and discuss her next strategy. She straightened her back, lifted her chin and cleared her focus, readying herself to lead and to wear the mask of the commander as she had done a thousand times before. She would have time to think later. For now she had to stay clear-headed as much as she could and to ignore the worry for Clarke that gnawed at her each second she was gone from Polis.

 

Clarke POV

Inside Arcadia there was chaos, not outwardly but in a sense of unease, that everything could go wrong and was going wrong with each passing second. Clarke tried to reason with Pike and Bellamy when she arrived. Pike questioned her vigorously about her connections with the grounders but he did not have her thrown in a cell as she had expected. They were in danger each second that he was in power but she could not convince him to step down even to save their people. Pike foolishly seemed to believe that they could survive a war with the grounders and he still had support from his voters.

Clarke hid the truth about her and Lexa more than ever. She made sure to call her commander every time she spoke about Lexa, determined not make the same slip as she had with Bellamy the last time.

_Lexa and I-._

She spoke with her mother, Raven and Octavia. They had been happy to see her at first, though Octavia was suspicious and still angry that she had been late. Worry for Lincoln, who was imprisoned by Pike, gave Octavia no time for her feelings and the group worked in secret to free them and slip them out of their cell and out of Arkadia.

It was a risk them crossing the blockade but Octavia would lead them to Luna's to hide. Clarke could only hope that they didn't get caught by grounders first but she certainly wasn't letting them die in a cell or get executed.

She made sure that she wasn't implicated in the escape, allowing Pike to believe that he had convinced her to go to war with the grounders. Bellamy seemed to believe it too, quicker than she had expected. Maybe he just _wanted_ her to believe but she could see his faith in Pike waning a little, day by day, though he clung to it.

Try as she might, she could find no way to unseat Pike that wouldn't cause a riot so she secretly worked to convince more people that Pike was untrustworthy. She kept her connections to the grounders out of the conversations but some still didn't trust her and so she had to work to earn it back and to slowly discredit Pike while creating a revolution from within.

Lexa had told her once that working slowly and secretly was sometimes the only strategy. She heard many of her lessons in her head when she became frustrated at her lack of progress.

Their food supplies were running low with the blockade since they couldn't hunt and war moved closer as she struggled to think of her next move.

She heard Lexa's words of strategy in her mind during the day as she worried over solutions but at night she heard Lexa's moans and imagined tracing her fingers softly-

_along her arms,_

_down her back tattoo,_

_down her body._

The memories kept her anchored, kept her hopeful. She murmured her lover's name to herself in her bed but never out loud. She never let anyone know or see how she felt.

After a few weeks, Pike's reign came to an end when the people called for him to step down and for new elections. He resisted violently but without anymore support he was arrested by his own officers and her mother was given the role of chancellor until an election could take place.

"We still have to deal with the grounders. War is still coming."

Her mother was trying her best but she didn't get it either. War was avoidable.

"We need to prepare to fight," Bellamy advised. "They will attack any day."

"If you would just let me go and talk to the commander-" Clarke pleaded.

They were about to make the same mistake again, maybe not as Pike did but still a mistake.

"No!" Her mother's face was stern and worried. "You aren't going back there until there's no chance of war. The blockade is still in effect and if we don't do something we will starve. Two of our people tried to hunt and were murdered."

It had been a blow to Clarke seeing the bodies of two of their own people delivered to Arkadia. Even worse was the knowledge that it was Lexa's people who had killed them. Her heart felt torn at the thought of it. It was always their people that split them apart. They were enemies on separate sides but she couldn't separate her feelings for Lexa any more, though she would not show it. She had to keep her people alive , to put them first but she hated thinking of Lexa as an enemy.

"The commander could be here any day to discuss this. We overthrew Pike. That was what she gave me time to do. If we make a move on the grounders, even for food, there will be war."

"There already is one," Bellamy replied. "We move now or we starve. The war is unavoidable."

"But Mom-"

"Clarke it's decided. We are sending them out with guns tomorrow. We need food. If the grounders attack and we go to war then we go to war but I won't let my people starve."

Clarke grew frustrated with them both. They could never see the bigger picture. She excused herself and slipped away to her room to draw.

She had hidden her art under a panel that she had loosened on the floor. She pulled out the picture she had drawn that day of Lexa sleeping. It calmed her but her usually resourceful mind could still see no solutions, no possibilities, other than one of them dying on the opposite side of a war.

_Where are you Lexa? Why haven't you lifted the blockade yet?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ste Yuj - Stay Strong
> 
> Hodness - Love


	2. A Leader's Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa questions the ways of her people after a betrayal while Clarke struggles to hide the influences of the grounder culture on her from her people. They both remember moments from their past together.

Lexa POV

Titus had been neglecting his duties. Lexa thought little of his absence at first, happy to avoid her teacher’s lectures as she tried to keep the clans calm about the blockade. Some still fought against _jus nou drein jus daun_. Some still questioned her strength.

She desperately missed Clarke, missed her boldness. Clarke had been careful never to disrespect her as _heda_ at Polis in front of other people but she questioned authority in a way that no other ambassador ever had. It was one of the things that had endeared her to the _skai_ girl, her wilful nature.

No one else had ever dared to back her into a table and for a second she had wanted to give in to her, had wanted a moment of freedom where she wasn’t in charge, where she could just be a girl kissing another girl without the weight of the world on her shoulders. Duty always came first though. She was responsible for too many people to forget that. She was _heda_. She was always _heda_ first and foremost.

When she found Titus yelling and beating the _skai_ boy she challenged him immediately. He defended himself until Murphy laughed.

"Ask him what he plans to do your ambassador behind your back."

Her heart almost stopped for a second when she realised that he meant Clarke.

"He plans to kill her. He wants us out of the alliance. He was gonna use my gun so that you would think it was me and get mad enough to go to war. That’s what you said right Titus?"

The boy's face was beaten bloody but he sneered as he spoke, still defiant. His spirit impressed her.

"Kill Clarke and she'll be mad enough to declare war you said."

The commander could barely contain her rage. One look at his expression and she knew it was true. He would've killed her as soon as she'd returned. He would've taken her love away from her and destroyed her hope for happiness.

"It's not even true," Murphy spat again. "Your myths are lies. It says Polaris not Polis. The thirteenth station was from our Ark"

He glanced towards one of their relics and she saw the writing and understood.

_Becca? The first commander was a skai person? Is that what he was saying to her?_

His words were confusing but she understood what he was getting at. They had been wrong.

It was normally a sacred space but it felt tainted now as Lexa felt her resolve slipping away, realising that everything her teacher may have taught her could be false. She straightened herself and kept her expression neutral and her head high. There was time for this later. First Titus must be dealt with and replacing a _fleimkepa_ was not an easy task.

Clarke would understand this thirteenth station. She would explain it. What did this mean for the flame and the conclave?

_Were we wrong this whole time about everything?_

She swallowed as if trying to force her doubts away but she felt uneasy. Still, she resolved, looking for positivity, many of her lessons remained valuable. She had already known that one lesson was not true.

Love was not weakness.

The commander dared not banish Titus for fear he would return one day for Clarke and sentenced him to be imprisoned indefinitely. The sentence was met with disagreement but she argued that he had served faithfully for so long that he deserved some mercy and few disagreed with that. _Fleimkepa_ 's were well respected and most expected it under the new blood must not have blood rules. If she hadn't already publicly supported the new way for her people she would have had to murder him or banish him and neither prospect seemed adequate this time. Secretly she worried that she may really be getting weak.

At night she lay in bed unable to sleep, missing Clarke more than she could have even expressed. Her wittiness, her intelligence, her compassion, her beautiful blue eyes so fierce and strong, how she always worried and doubted herself, her calming voice, clear and rational.

She imagined what Clarke's advice would be, to banish Titus, to replace him but Lexa would never let him out of prison. She could have killed him herself to prevent him from every harming Clarke. She had wanted to.

On sleepless nights she wandered towards Clarke's room and examined the few sketches still there. Some were of her home on the ark, her view from space, some of her father and many of the earth. She saw the world with such detail and such beauty. Though Lexa had seen great artists before, it marvelled her and she spent time just thinking about Clarke.

She remembered the sketch she had found of her own image that day. She'd woken from her nightmare and Clarke had comforted her. Clarke had seemed a little embarrassed when Lexa had picked up the sketch as if she had never meant her to see it but when she had raised her head to meet Lexa’s eyes something else had burned there. Something Lexa had never expected to see was in her gaze.

Tenderness.

Desire.

Warmth.

Lexa had refused to believe it at the time.

Her mouth tensed at the corners as she thought of the impending possibility of war. She could never see Clarke as an enemy, no matter what. Lexa feared not for herself but that Clarke's people might have hurt her for their association, might have killed her even.

 _Clarke is too smart for that_ she told herself. _She will be fine_.

But she still worried deeply.

During the day Lexa was busier than usual. Meetings, discussions, training the _natblidas_ for her plans to change the conclave. She had to change the people's minds about the conclave slowly. Sometimes slowly was the only way. It delayed her return to Arkadia and she hoped that the _skai_ people had enough supplies to keep them at least a little longer. Aden and her other _natblidas_ were fine and a new system of knowledge with a new _fleimkepa_ was already in progress.

Murphy was healed and briefed on the importance of his silence about what Titus has told him about her and Clarke. In the past she wouldn’t have trusted him, would've killed him, as she had ordered Octavia to be killed after the missile, but he was one of Clarke's people and she remembered the lesson of trust that Clarke had forced upon her that day in her tent. She still remembered Clarke's rage before she'd admitted her feelings.

_Not everyone. Not you._

_Well if you care about me then trust me._

_I can't do that._

She would not make the same mistake. It would be Clarke’s decision when she returned.

_If she-._

Lexa could not allow herself to finish the thought. It hurt far too much.

 

Clarke POV

"You know that this was a mistake."

Clarke had tried everything to convince her mother and the others not to send a hunting party before the blockade was removed but no one listened. It was as if they had forgotten just how hard they had worked to join the _kongeda_.

"Clarke. It's done," her mother replied, "Get something to eat. They returned unharmed. You need to eat."

"But you are going to risk it again tomorrow and put our chances of re-joining the-” _kongeda_ “-alliance at risk."

Grounder language crept its way into her thoughts at every turn. She had to be careful not to use it in front of her people. They already thought her too influenced by them but she couldn't help it. She had lived alone for so long, only communicating in _trigedasleng_ at trading posts. She had lost herself, becoming a nameless hunter as if she was a grounder herself and Lexa's words still influenced her more than they ever knew. With Lexa it had always been an exchange though, Clarke absorbing her culture and her learning about Clarke's in return. They taught each other.

_May we meet again-_

"We cannot last any longer. Our supplies are too low. People will start getting sick."

Her mom, ever the doctor. Clarke knew that she meant well. That's what made it harder to accept. Everyone meant well but their mistakes were still going to cost lives. Lots of lives. Clarke knew in her heart that her mom was wrong. Bellamy. Kane. Jaha. Titus. Octavia. Raven. They always meant well. But they didn't see the bigger picture. Clarke sometimes wished that she didn't and that someone else could have that burden. But they didn't. Why wasn't Lexa here yet?

_Tiring yourself with questions already asked and answered is a waste of energy._

Clarke sighed and went to get herself some food. She was no use to anyone hungry. She sat down around the campfire with a bowl of broth feeling tired. She had slept badly since she left Polis. She missed the comfortable furs, the large bed, the space. She missed the peacefulness and watching the sunset from her balcony. She missed watching the stars and the soft knock at her door from Lexa.

She had only visited a few times, once after her fight in a stunning nightgown and once or twice to talk late at night about politics. It had been a shock to see her unmasked that night and with her hair down, flowing and beautiful. She seemed vulnerable yet still incredibly strong.

And wise. Always wise.

Lexa always saw the bigger picture. It was a burden they shared. A leader's burden. Duty. Clarke still rarely felt like a leader but Lexa always told her she was, always believed in her and listened.

 _You were born for this Clarke. Same as me_.

"Hey. You were miles away. Don't let it get cold."

Raven was cheerful as she waved at Clarke to snap her out of it. She was eating broth too but scooped it up with some of the last of the bread that they had.

"Um - sorry," Clarke replied, a bit embarrassed, wondering how Raven had even managed to get her hands on the bread rations.

Clarke moved the spoon in her hand and scooped up some broth. It tasted good though not as good as the food in Polis. She couldn't complain. It felt good to have a decent meal. If only the cost of it wasn't so high.

"Bread for your thoughts," Raven offered with a joke, motioning to her dish.

Clarke glanced down at the ground for an instant. If only Raven knew her thoughts she may not offer her food so willingly. It was Lexa who had demanded Finn’s life. Who knew if Raven ever would or even could forgive Lexa. A lot had happened since then but Raven had loved Finn. Clarke sometimes thought that maybe Raven had loved him more than Clarke. Had it really been love she'd felt for Finn or just puppy love? She'd cared about him a great deal but she wasn't sure it was the same and Raven had known him longer. She didn't even really feel entitled to mourn him like Raven did after what she'd done. It had been the right thing but still, had she the right to mourn him?

"It's okay. You have it."

"You're worried about tomorrow. Your mom's right. We have to eat. Who knows if Lexa's coming back? This could be their strategy, to let us starve so commander heartless can wipe us out. Easier to fight a bunch of half-dead people.”

Clarke bit her lip. She had been careful not to defend Lexa since her return, not to show favour but anger burned within her when they criticised her. It wasn't Raven's fault. She didn't know Lexa like she did but Clarke couldn't hear it all the same. They thought so little of her. She was just a grounder to them. An outsider. They had accepted Lincoln and Nyko. They would have accepted Niylah maybe but Lexa was always their enemy. She was always untrustworthy in their eyes. Something must've shown in her eyes because Raven's expression changed for a second as if she was trying to read her.

"Course she always seemed to like you. She might spare us if you asked."

Clarke relaxed knowing that Raven was still unaware of what was really going on.

"If only," she joked with a slight smile.

Suddenly they turned as they heard shouting. Chaos ensued as the gates opened and a badly injured Kane was carried in by Lincoln and Octavia.

 _Oh no._ Clarke thought. _It’s too late. It’s starting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jus nou drein jus daun - blood must not have blood
> 
> Heda - Commander
> 
> Skai - sky
> 
> Fleimkepa - flamekeeper
> 
> Natblida - Nightbleeder
> 
> Kongeda - Coalition


	3. May We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke finally meet again but struggle to keep the peace. Abby let's her personal feelings affect her leadership and it all gets very tense.

Lexa POV  
  
Lexa headed for Arkadia with Indra as soon as she heard the news. There had been an altercation. One of her people had been shot dead trying to enforce the blockade and two others injured. It was as she feared. She had waited too long. They rode as fast as possible but it didn't seem fast enough. Her heart pounded at the thought of what she would have to do now. What she desperately didn't want to do.  
  
"They slaughtered our people before and we forgave them. The clans will not stand for more _heda_."  
  
Indra only spoke the truth, Lexa knew that. She had healed from her injury, an injury caused by the _skaikru_ but Indra was still angry at them. As a true warrior, it had been difficult for her to admit she was so affected by the incident. Lexa could not blame her for her distrust of the _skai_ people but she always followed orders even if she disagreed with them.

  
The word was that Pike was indeed no longer in charge. Clarke had succeeded in removing him, as she had known she would. She knew that Clarke would never have made the mistake of defying the blockade. The fact that they had defied it suggested that Clarke was still not in charge in Arkadia. Lexa guessed either Kane or her mother was temporarily leading the _skaikru._

Lexa would never understand how Clarke's people could not see her as their true leader. It had been obvious to her from the moment they'd met. Clarke had, after all, been the one to try to strike up a deal with Lexa against the mountain men. Only Clarke and Kane had seemed to have the wisdom to negotiate with her.

  
_I've come to make you an offer._  
  
She had expected an answer not a negotiation but Clarke had offered her a deal that had intrigued her.  
  
_I can turn them back._  
  
She had even been smart enough to offer Anya's braid as a gift to Lexa.  
  
Lexa saw from that moment that Clarke was an intelligent leader. Many men thought that brute strength and ruthlessness were the only ways to lead. Those were the worst leaders of all. Clarke was a smart leader, able to use words of persuasion and make offers when she knew that she could not win by force. Even when the odds were against her she seemed to find a way and yet Lexa could not ease the worry that she would end up having to choose between Clarke and her people again.  
  
_My head or my heart._  
_My duty or my love._  
  
Initiating _skaikru_ into the alliance as the thirteenth clan had been her hope of never having to make that decision again. She had sworn fealty to them. She could not break that yet she could not let them keep killing her people without punishment either.  
  
_You swore fealty to Clarke._

_She was the real reason for your vow not the skaikru._

_Because you love her._

  
The thought came unbidden but she knew it was true. She pressed her lips together as she tried to keep her thoughts from showing on her face. Indra was more perceptive than most of her warriors. She had already noticed her favour for Clarke after she had been convinced to forgive Pike's massacre and change their ways. Lexa was sure that she may have already guessed more but she trusted Indra to keep silent whatever she thought on the matter.  
  
There it was. Arkadia was in sight. She let out her breath as her chest tightened at how close she was to her lover.  
  
_We will fix this somehow Clarke._

_I promise we will._

  
  
Clarke POV  
  
_Was she running late?_

_No._

_Lexa was never late._

_She hated tardiness.  
_

Clarke was just nervous and waiting for her seemed to be taking forever. The meeting was being held at a neutral tent that had been set up between Lexa's army and Arkadia. The site was heavily guarded by grounders. Bellamy acted as guard with a small group of their people. Everyone except Clarke and her mother kept their guns raised until Lexa arrived, ready for any hint of aggression. The tent was small. It would be a close space. Her heart beat a little faster at the thought of it, at the thought of seeing her again.  
  
When Lexa finally arrived she was with Indra and several large guards. She wore her war paint which was not a good sign. Their eyes met for a second. She saw her own feelings reflected back at her although Lexa masked them well from the others. Clarke had to remember to breath for a second as she stared into those beautiful green pools and ran her eyes over the contours of Lexa's face and body.

She tried to convey in her gaze that she still cared about her, that she knew that it wasn't Lexa's fault that they were here. Lexa gazed back and motioned to the tent. Both sides entered one at a time until they were all gathered inside.  
  
"Your people have attacked my people yet again chancellor," Lexa stated with a fierce stare once they were all inside.  
  
"You gave us no choice."  
  
Lexa walked forward towards Abby slowly as if to square up to her.  
  
To her credit, her mother refused to show fear and Lexa could be very intimidating when she wanted to be. Clarke had felt the intensity of that move on more than one occasion. The first time they met she had boldly moved into Clarke's space staring straight down into her eyes.

She had done the same when Clarke had pushed her too far in arguing over the missile. Lexa had squared up to Clarke as if to dare her to push her further. It had sent both fear and a thrill of desire through her, the danger terrifying and arousing.

Intimidating Lexa was such a far cry from gentle, loving Lexa that sometimes Clarke could barely believe they were the same person.  
  
"Two times you have had no choice? We forgave the massacre and gave you another chance yet you defy the blockade yet again."  
  
"Our food rations ran low," Clarke interjected quickly, knowing that Lexa's anger came from knowing that her people had been hurt and that they were here, almost at war _again._  
  
She didn't want war anymore than Clarke did.  
  
"We apologise," she continued, "if we disrespected the terms of the blockade. We had to eat and were desperate or we would not have done so."  
  
She lowered her head slightly, keeping Lexa's gaze.  
  
_I didn't let them do this. I know that they made a mistake. Let me fix it._  
  
She tried to convey it to Lexa, tried to show respect to her in front of her people. Lexa had to appear strong to them or this wouldn't work. Clarke understood that. Her mother sadly didn't seem to.  
  
"What Pike did was wrong but our people _cannot_ be held as prisoners and left to starve. Two of my people were murdered just for hunting for food. Others were almost killed just for trying to return home after escaping Pike."  
  
She could see the tension in her mother's face. Kane had nearly died from his wounds at the hands of the grounders. Her mother cared about him. His injury had shaken her and it was making her quicker to anger than usual. Clarke knew that she might feel the same if it was Lexa who had been injured but her mother had to put those feelings aside.  
  
"Casualties are unfortunate but the blockade was necessary to protect my people. I am willing to forgive these-" Lexa paused, "Misunderstandings but _skaikru_ must fall in line. You joined our alliance willingly. We can offer you your place back as the thirteenth clan but you must obey our ways."  
  
This was hard for Lexa. Clarke could barely keep herself from comforting her, from reaching out to help her. She was being far more reasonable than another leader would be. If her mother understood just what she was risking in offering them forgiveness she might have kept her temper.  
  
"And if we don't want to obey?"  
  
Clarke's eyes widened.  
  
_No. What are you doing?_  
  
"Mom-!"  
  
"We don't follow your lead anymore Lexa. Too many of our people were hurt _waiting_ for you to turn up. If you'd arrived weeks ago things would have been different but not now."  
  
Another disrespect. Clarke turned to Lexa pleading silently but she knew that Lexa had been backed into a corner. It broke her heart the conflict she saw in her eyes, the sadness tugging at the corners of Lexa's mouth. Clarke could see her emotions clearly through her mask even if others couldn't.  
  
"You are lucky. Blood must not have blood so we will not ask for more death but if you do not stand down and swear to obey your commander, the blockade will continue."

Lexa held herself up straight being intimidating again, daring Abby to challenge her.

" _Ai laik heda_. You _will_ submit or you will die."  
  
Clarke felt her heart break in two. She could hear it in Lexa's voice that she felt the same. Standing so close in proximity to her, desiring her, needing her and not being able to express it hurt so deeply. She wanted to say something right there, to tell her that she still felt the same. She remembered the love they had shared so clearly. They had both orgasmed intensely, more than once at each others hand _s,_

- _and mouths_.

They had shared an intimacy that could not be erased.

"We will never submit to you again, Lexa."  
  
"Then there will be war and you will die. If you change your mind, arrange a meeting here and we'll discuss it again. This is the only place that the kill order is not in effect."  
  
Lexa's tone was flat but determined. She would not back down. She could not. Clarke knew that.  
  
"May we meet again _skaikru_ ," she said grimly.  
  
Lexa glanced at her and her expression softened becoming vulnerable for just a second, a reminder of how she'd looked at Clarke the day she'd left Polis.

 _Right before they'd-_  
  
"May we meet again," Clarke said in a low voice, hoping that the others thought her only exchanging formalities.

They were talking only to each now in a code only they understood. She could not touch Lexa's arm and feel her touch in return. Clarke ached to touch her, to hold her, to press her lips onto her lips. If the others hadn't been there she would not have hesitated.

She could say or do nothing more without revealing too much now. Lexa's bottom lip faltered for a second as they held eye contact. Lexa turned away to the side, trying to hide it, trying to suppress her emotion. Clarke knew that it meant that Lexa was struggling too and that she still felt the same as Clarke. Lexa turned away like that when her emotions threatened to spill out as a way to keep others from seeing behind her mask.  
  
Lexa still avoided eye contact and turned to leave. Clarke lowered her head not trusting herself not to say more. Clarke caught one glance of her exiting the tent, her back tensed as she moved, her head slightly down, as if Lexa knew that if she looked back she wouldn't be able to leave. It reminded Clarke of how she had turned and walked away outside Mount Weather when she had betrayed her. She had seemed heavy-hearted and reluctant then too.

_May we meet again._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaikru - Sky people/sky clan
> 
> Heda - Commander


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pressure begins to take a toll on Clarke and Lexa as they struggle to keep their relationship a secret. I am trying to keep the tension between them in a similar manner to how it was in the TV show but they will reunite properly at some point. 
> 
> Also, I type on my phone so please forgive the errors. I do come back and check them frequently but it sometimes takes me a few updates to find them all. I always seem to miss one no matter how much I edit.

Chapter 4 - Secrets

Lexa POV

She was shaking. Her whole body was shaking. Lexa calmed herself, letting herself breathe and be alone. She had dismissed Indra as soon as she had been able to, having to listen to every piece of advice given to her on the way back. She had no other trusted advisor left besides Indra.

_Anya. Gustus. Titus._

They were all gone. Truthfully, she didn't want to listen to any advice right at that moment, no matter how helpful. All she could think of was Clarke. Seeing her had been painful but sweet at the same time. She had seen her beautiful blonde hair before anything else when arriving. It always made her so easy to spot from a distance.

Standing before her, wondering how Clarke felt, if she still felt the same was pure torture. Lexa had wanted nothing more than to ignore everyone else and to embrace Clarke. She has wanted to kiss her and to tell her that it would all be okay, that there would be no war.

Lexa had tried to balance appearing strong for her people with making peace and keeping the _skaikru_ in the alliance. She had tried but Clarke's mother was consumed with anger. She hadn't been seeing clearly. Clarke had said and done everything right but her mother had done everything wrong.

She couldn't blame Abby. She was trying her best but she was not the leader her daughter was.

_And now there will be war._

She had given them a way to stop it. A way back into the alliance. Lexa feared that they would remain stubborn. The _skaikru_ were incredibly stubborn. 

Though Clarke and her mother had many different features Lexa could see the resemblances between them when they were together. They both had similar facial expressions, had similar mannerisms. They both pursed their lips when angry or unhappy. They were both brave and fierce and both great healers. They both cared for their people and showed compassion. They were both incredibly strong-willed and able to make very difficult decisions. Sadly Abby did not have Clarke's sense of vision. That was her weakness as a leader.

Thinking about Clarke both pained and calmed Lexa. She had almost let her tears fall right there in the tent when they had to exchange goodbyes. She would never let herself do that in front of her people but she had felt her resolve and strength slipping away from her at exchanging those words again. She had barely been able to turn away and leave. It had taken all of her strength to walk away just as it had on the battlefield on Mount Weather. It had surprised her just how difficult it was to walk away from Clarke the first time. This time she had known it would be one of the hardest things in her life.

_I could've fought them all and just taken her away for myself._

_No_ she thought. _I don't have the right. I am heda. My people come first and Clarke makes her own decisions. My feelings do not matter, only my duty._

_You think having feelings make me weak. I think you're weak for hiding from them._

Lexa could not shake the _skai_ girls words from her mind and she didn't want to. She turned towards the entrance of her tent. Arkadia was so close. Clarke was so close. She wished that she had been able to speak to her alone, if only for a short time. Her whole body and soul ached to see her again.

It had been difficult to be at Polis without her. She had missed her so much but being so close and unable to even communicate with her was pure torture. Her mind wandered to that tent that lay between Arkadia and Lexa's army. Their neutral ground.

She had commanded her men to watch but not to attack anyone on the route from Arkadia to that tent. She had threatened death for anyone that did. Clarke's people would surely be watching it too. They could not even meet there.

_How do I stop this?_

"Indra," she called.

Indra entered the tent.

" _Heda_?"

"Send word to the chancellor asking to meet alone. I wish to speak to her tomorrow. No guards."

"They will be fools to agree _heda_. You could strike her down. You would put yourself at risk too. If she sneaks a gun into the tent you would have no defence?"

"I will not cower in fear at one _skai_ person. I can defend myself. Get it done."

Indra recognised the finality in her tone and did not argue which was just as well because Lexa was in no mood to be questioned by anyone.

 

Clarke POV

_We may never be together again. That could've been the last time I see her._

The thought crushed Clarke and she felt incredibly sad. Seeing Lexa again had been a thousand times harder than she'd expected. She had known it would be difficult but she felt frustrated and furious. A part of her was furious at her mother and her people for putting them in this position at all.

Many of her people were relaxing in the dinner hall, not that there was much in the way of dinner to actually eat. Raven and Monty were busy working on some project together.  Bellamy was away sparring with Lincoln and Jasper was likely somewhere drunk again. He still wasn't recovering well from Maya's death. Clarke shook away thoughts of the guilt and Mount Weather. She had more than enough other things to worry about.

Clarke could have sat with someone else rather than alone but sometimes she didn't even feel like one of them anymore.

"What's up with you?" Octavia asked sitting down at her table.

Clarke watched her wearily.

"No strategy to plan. No orders to give."

Octavia's tone was bitter, mocking almost. She had never completely forgiven Clarke for her decision not to tell her about the missile. Clarke couldn't blame her.

"I'm fine."

Octavia's eyes widened. Clarke knew that she wasn't hiding her bad mood very well.

"It must be difficult for you," Octavia said in a softer tone. "This situation."

Clarke's heart almost stopped.

_Did she know?_

"I mean you and Lexa worked together for so long. You were friends."

Clarke's body relaxed again.

 _Friends. Yeah_ , she thought bitterly.

"I just think that this whole situation could've been avoided if we had waited."

"I don't like it either. I don't want to fight them. I don't want to fight Indra."

_She cares about the grounders too._

"Most people here just see them as the enemy. It's never that simple. They're the same as us."

Octavia was looking her as if just realising that they had something in common. They were both feeling torn by the war. Octavia after all was in a love with a grounder too.

"How's Lincoln?" Clarke asked quickly moving away from the subject. "This situation has to be difficult for him too. I know that Pike made him feel unwelcome here."

"He's good. I don't know why he's forgiven Bellamy so quick though after what he did. This is all his fault."

Clarke tilted her head, watching Octavia thoughtfully

"He knows that he messed up. He was just - affected by what happened at Mount Weather with Gina and all those people he lost. Pike got into his head."

"He still didn't need to go out there and slaughter those people."

There was an awkward silence and Clarke realised that it was too soon for Octavia. She would forgive him when she was ready.

"Why were you so late that day with the blockade? I was mad at you. I thought you had chosen to stay. You seemed to want to stay."

Clarke froze. She had been expecting this. She had even rehearsed her excuse in her head.

"I lost track of time arguing with Titus about the blockade. He visited me just before I could leave and I couldn't get away."

Clarke tried to sound natural. It wasn't the best excuse but it was all she could come up with.

"So you didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Lexa. It seemed like you had become close."

"No. I managed to say goodbye."

Clarke was struggling to keep from thinking about what had followed the goodbye as she said the words.

"How'd she take it?"

_Keep it simple. Don't elaborate._

"Okay. She understood."

Clarke glanced away to the side with a nod. When she turned back Octavia was staring at her with narrowed eyes. Clarke tried to read her but Octavia said nothing more.

"I'm going to check in with Raven and Monty now, see what's keeping them busy."

Octavia nodded.

"Later, Clarke."

"Later."

Clarke could only hope that Octavia believed her answers. She exhaled once outside the hall and went straight to her room to be alone.

_You have to go back._

_They're your people._

_That's why I-_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - Commander
> 
> Skaikru - Sky people


	5. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More details of Clarke and Lexa's time together in Polis when they slept together are revealed as Lexa waits to meet Abby alone on neutral ground.

Chapter 5 - Warmth

_May we meet again_

Clarke stepped forward as they said their farewell and kissed Lexa, softly holding the back of Lexa's head as she did. The shock of it rippled through her whole body.

_Clarke was kissing her._

_She felt the same_.

Lexa had never been sure. Not really.

When she pulled back from her, Lexa cried, unable to stop a tear falling down her cheek. Her bottom lip trembled wondering if it was their last kiss. She was too stunned to speak but Clarke pressed her forehead onto Lexa's and pressed her lips onto hers again before she could utter a word. It was a desperate, hungry kiss and Lexa threw herself into it, letting herself enjoy each sensation, letting herself savour each moment that they had left.

She caressed Clarke's hair as they kissed, an act which she had ached to do many times but had never felt the right to. She switched angles gasping for breath inbetween kisses as Clarke reached to untie the fabric around her neck. The blonde's hands pulled her outfit down and impatiently tried to tug it further when it resisted going any lower.

 _This is happening. She isn't stopping_. _She wants this too.  
_

Lexa slowly guided her back to the bed, Clarke's lips searching to reconnect with hers as soon as there was distance between them. When Clarke opened her eyes Lexa was sat on the bed and their hands were joined. They gazed at each other in silence Lexa barely able to breathe, her mouth agape in awe of the girl in front of her.

Clarke's eyes were indecipherable, a question in them as if she was as suprised as Lexa by what was happening. They were soon filled instead with a quiet determination and Lexa knew then that they weren't stopping, that it was really going to happen. Lexa placed her hand on the back of Clarke's head as she descended pulling her towards her until their whole bodies pressed together and Clarke was completely on top of her.

They didn't speak, only placed kisses and touches as they removed clothing piece-by-piece. They climbed into the bed under the furs naked, Clarke still raining kisses down her neck and shoulder, her hands moving to caress her body as Lexa clung onto her, her hand holding on to the back of Clarke's head. Lexa traced one hand down her neck, over her breasts and stomach and then rested on her back, her other hand already exploring Clarke's body freely as Clarke's fingertips moved over secret parts of her body.

Lexa felt them brush over her breasts, her stomach and the inner part of her thighs until they reached her centre causing her to gasp and turn her head. She could barely keep herself contained but Clarke was moving incredibly slowly, taking her time.

She felt Clarke shift and start to move her body lower and lower. The blonde glanced up at Lexa with a mischievous look flickering in her azure eyes as she placed a last kiss on her stomach and then moved lower.

Lexa couldn't describe how hard she had orgasmed after Clarke was done pleasuring her. Clarke seemed to take great pleasure in making sure that Lexa was fully satisfied and Lexa couldn't believe how good the _skai_ girl was at this particular activity.

They had switched positions and roles after that and Clarke had seemed very pleased with herself, her smile almost a smirk. Lexa moved to work on her and Clarke closed her eyes, her hands gripping the sheets and her jaw tensing as her arousal increased. Her breathing was heavy and she moaned and groaned as she neared her climax getting a little loud as she orgasmed.

 _It's a good thing the doors are thick_ Lexa had thought happily.

They switched positions and roles a few times before Lexa finally rolled over on her side exhausted. Clarke propped herself up on the pillow stroking Lexa's arm tenderly.

 _Her stamina._ Lexa thought. _She has not rested yet. She has the stamina of a warrior.  
_

Lexa lay on her side facing away from Clarke. It was warm under the furs and she let her eyes close, drinking in the sensations still racing through her body. She had never felt so happy, never felt so at peace.

 _This is the happiest moment of my life_ she thought.

"If Octavia and I are going to get behind the blockade by dawn..."

Clarke's voice was so soft.

"Shhhh...."

 _Not yet_ she thought. _A little more time..._

Clarke smiled at Lexa's sweetness. She moved to trace her fingers down her lover's back following the elegant lines of her tattoo.

"This is beautiful," she said quietly.

Clarke touched the circles in her tattoo gently and Lexa felt uneasy, a familiar darkness coming over her as she remembered that day and their deaths.

"I got it on my ascension day, a circle for every _natblida_ that died when the commander chose me."

Lexa wished that she could forget everything from that day. She wanted no darkness to ruin the beauty of their moment together yet she knew that she could not escape her past.

"Seven circles? I thought you said there were nine novitiates at your conclave?"

 _Clarke is always clever_ she thought. _Only she would notice that._

"There were."

"What happened to number eight?"

_Luna, her friend, her sister._

_Traitor._

_She might've won if she'd fought.  
_

It was an old wound that had never fully healed. The memory of that day still haunted her. They had been the closest thing to brothers and sisters that Lexa had ever known.

Lexa sighed and turned over, the sadness not enough to destroy her new happiness. Clarke was just being curious. It was one of the traits that made Clarke special.

"Can we talk about something else?" she pleaded.

Clarke eyes were bright and mischievous. A small, joyful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"We don't have to talk at all."

 _She understands_.

Clarke's smile widened and Lexa grinned, beaming with pure joy. She moved over to kiss her _skaiprisa_ again, filled with a deep sense of warmth that she had not felt for a long time and they fell back into a deep embrace of sweet desire and love.

 

Lexa POV

Lexa paced in the tent waiting for Abby considering just how much to say to her and what to say to her. She didn't feel like a commander meeting another leader. She felt like a girl meeting her lover's parent seeking approval and hoping for acceptance. It had taken everything for her to convince Indra to stay outside but she almost wished she hadn't. The commander should not be nervous at the prospect of meeting one _skai_ person but a part of her deeply wanted to make a good impression even in their difficult circumstances.

Abby walked in wearing a grim expression.

"Commander."

Lexa's heart was beating faster now.

_Here goes._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaiprisa - sky princess
> 
> Natblida - Nightbleeder


	6. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Abby try to reduce tensions and Clarke begins to feel hopeful for a resolution again.

Lexa POV

"I called you here today to discuss the situation without our people watching."

"Our people?" Abby replied, raising her eyebrows.

"I was serious about the alliance. I do not want war any more than you do but I have forgiven too much already."

Lexa wore no warpaint now, her face adorned by the symbol of the commander.

"Your daughter made me appear weak at Mount Weather. They will not follow me if they question my strength and there will be chaos."

"Clarke didn't make you look weak, you did when you betrayed us."

Abby's eyes blazed with a mother's protective instinct. Lexa admired her fierceness.

"I know. I thought it the best decision for my people at the time but perhaps it was not the best choice."

Abby's mouth tensed at the corners.

"How Clarke ever forgave you I don't know. You betrayed us. How can we ever trust you?"

"Yet you joined the alliance. Clarke convinced you."

"The situation was difficult then and she can be very convincing when she wants to be."

"She certainly can," Lexa replied wistfully.

When she met Abby's eyes again, she realised that she had said too much. Lexa straightened herself.

"In front of my people I must show absolute strength. That makes negotiations _difficult_. My people have had many changes recently. Blood must not have blood, a new _fleimkepa_ , a new ascension ceremony. This is a bad time to ask them to accept compromise."

 _If she can just understand the situation_ Lexa thought.  _She might be more reasonable._

"What happened to Titus?"

Lexa tried to remain stoic. She had to be careful not to reveal too much.

"He betrayed his people, betrayed me. He is imprisoned indefinitely."

"Imprisoned? Don't you usually banish or _murder_ your criminals?"

Lexa's unease grew at the questions. Just like Clarke. She had to know every detail before she was satisfied.

"This was a - unique circumstance. He cannot be released. Anyway we came here to talk peace not to discuss Polis."

"All we ask is to be able to hunt. If we are allowed that we can think about rejoining the alliance in time. Right now my people are hungry and restless. Many still see you as the enemy. It's getting better but we aren't there yet."

Lexa nodded in understanding.

"I can arrange for a small space for you to hunt but it must be out of sight from the armies of the twelve clans. I will order some of my most trusted men to allow it, for now, but be warned, if there is any further violence I will be forced to act and will take Arkadia by force. Neither of us want that."

Abby's expression softened. She seemed relieved at the progress they were making. Lexa knew that she was not hungry for war. She was a healer not a warrior.

"Thank you. We can build up our food supplies and then maybe we can talk about the alliance."

Lexa nodded again.

"I will arrange it. Send word when you wish to talk again."

She turned to go.

"What did Titus do?"

Lexa stopped and rotated back on her heel. Abby was looking at her quizzically.

_Another expression she gets from her mother._

"He was going to kill Clarke," she said softly.

"He what?"

Lexa tried not to let her emotions slip through. It still hurt her, the loss of her teacher, the anger she'd felt at the thought of what he meant to do.

"He did not believe that blood must not have blood was good for our people. He did not like Clarke's influence."

"Influence?"

Lexa did not know how much to tell her. It did not seem like the right time but she was Clarke's mother. She had a right to know.

"Over me," she said flatly.

Abby's eyes widened but Lexa wasn't sure she had connected the dots yet. She probably thought she meant friendship. People had known that they had grown close in some respects. 

"I must leave now, chancellor. The longer we remain here, the greater the chance that someone finds out that we met without guards."

"I half-expected you to murder me on the spot. It would have been an easy solution."

Lexa smiled.

_So she gets her sense of humour from her mother too._

Abby's wit reminded her so much of Clarke that she couldn't help but respond warmly.

"Yet you still came. That was brave. I can see where Clarke gets it from."

"She's far braver and far stronger than me."

Lexa couldn't disagree. She nodded again.

"May we meet again, Abby of the _skai_ people."

"Goodbye Lexa."

With that Lexa took her leave and set off back to her camp.

 

Clarke POV

"I'm not sitting around any longer."

"You can't go out. They will kill you on sight," Raven protested.

"Not if I've move quietly."

Clarke charged towards the gates. How could her mother have thought it a good idea to go out alone with an army of grounders able to shoot her in an instant? When Kane had let it slip in the infirmary, she had marched out of there in an instant.

Raven had chased her down the corridors but Clarke would not let anyone slow her down.

_She could be injured. She could be dying._

_What if Lexa had took it as an opportunity and just killed her?_

_No she wouldn't do that. Not to my mom._

"Open up the gates!"

They ignored her.

"Open them!"

The gates opened but not for her as she saw her mother returning to Arkadia. Clarke rushed to hug her.

"Why would you do that? You could have been killed?"

"Shh... you are drawing attention. The fewer people that know the better. Let's get inside."

Clarke, her mother, Kane and Raven gathered closely around Kane's infirmary bed.

"We can hunt. Lexa will send word tomorrow with a map of an area available for us. It temporary but it's a start."

Clarke felt a wave of relief as the tension drained from her.

"We must not interact with the grounders or get caught."

"Otherwise it will make her look weak to her people," Clarke said without thinking.

Her mother looked at her oddly.

_What was that look for?_

"Yes. This buys us time to prepare our people for the _possibility_ of rejoining the alliance."

"Wow. I can't believe Lexa actually compromised," said Raven.

"Shh...," Clarke warned, glancing around. "If word gets back to the grounders that she did, it will bad for all of us. They may question her strength and there could be chaos."

"Lexa said the same thing," said her mother. "She was very - reasonable."

"She's right," Kane murmured, still in discomfort from his injuries. "We must keep this quiet. Only a few trusted people go out to hunt?"

"I'll take Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln. They are all good hunters and I can keep an eye on them."

Clarke saw that look in her mother's eyes at her suggestion, a look that said _it's too dangerous_. She answered it with an expression of defiance.

"Okay but be careful."

Clarke nodded.

"I'll get on it."

Clarke felt much more determined than she had in the past few weeks. Suddenly she had hope that they could fix it.

_It could all be fixed._

She moved to leave but her mother called her aside. Once out of reach of the others her mother spoke.

"There's something else. Titus - Lexa has imprisoned him."

Clarke frowned in confusion. As annoying as Titus was, he was the _fleimkepa_ and one of her oldest teachers. What possible reason could Lexa have for imprisoning him?

"She said that he planned to kill you."

"Kill me? I knew that he didn't trust me but what possible reason-?"

"Lexa said that he was unhappy with your influence over her."

_Oh. My. God._

_Ok Clarke. Damage control._

"I know that he was unhappy with the changes but I can assure you Lexa does not do anything that she doesn't want to do."

Her mother glanced away for a split second as if she was thinking.

"It's another one of the reasons that she doesn't want appear weak in front of her people. She also said that she changed the ascension ceremony? Ascension?"

_Why would she? What had she been doing?_

"That's why she was so late removing the blockade," Clarke mused out loud. "Something has happened. Something has changed."

_I need to speak to her._

"I know that you two were friends in Polis but be careful. We are still enemies at the moment. We don't know if we can trust her."

Clarke glared up at her, barely able to keep her anger from showing.

"We can."

_I have to see her. I have to._

"I hope you are right for all our sakes."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fleimkepa - flamekeeper
> 
> Skai - sky


	7. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally reunite if only for a little while and Clarke learns what has happened in Polis since her absence.

Clarke POV

_I have to see her. Something has happened. Imprisoning Titus I understand but she would not change the ascension. Lexa truly believes that the spirit of the commander chooses the next successor._

Without Titus who was advising her? Who could she seek counsel from?

Clarke suddenly had an idea, a foolish one, but one she was going to carry out.

It only took her a few minutes to loosen the panel. Kane had sneaked her out of Arkadia through it when she had gone to see Bellamy that day to convince him to stop Pike. She had been able to escape Arkadia by crawling through the small metal tunnel on the other side of it.

Clarke had expected Kane to seal it and he had but it had been done poorly and a stolen screwdriver was enough to work it off the wall. She climbed in and replaced the panel behind her and began to crawl through the tunnels not knowing if her plan would even work. 

_I have to try._

 

Lexa POV

It was difficult to rest, even on her soft bed of furs. Lexa tried to put Clarke out of her mind but failed. She wished to be closer to her, to see her if just for a moment. She sighed and got to her feet.

_She wasn't getting any sleep tonight._

When Lexa appeared from her tent, Indra rose to her feet and rushed over.

" _Heda_? Has something happened?"

"No Indra. I am restless and want to walk in the fresh air."

"It is not wise to walk alone so close to the enemy camp."

"I am not alone. My guard will be with me and if I cannot defend myself then I am not fit to be _heda_. I will be fine."

Indra lowered her eyes in defeat.

" _Sha, heda_."

Lexa walked straight towards the neutral tent not sure quite why she did. She knew that it was reckless but for some reason she didn't care. She shook herself.

_A leader cannot be reckless._

Yet she continued to walk in the same direction.

"Stay here" she urged her guard when the tent was in sight.

" _Heda_?"

"Stay and do not move until I return. Do not move, no matter how long I am gone. That's an order!"

When Lexa entered the tent, the last sight she expected was Clarke pouring over the maps at the table. Clarke turned to face her, her eyes wide.

"I hoped you might return to this place," she said. "It was a longshot but I hoped."

Lexa could barely breathe. She drank in the image of her _skaiprisa_ , her blonde hair as  long and straight as before but unbraided this time, her familiar blue jacket hugging her curved frame. She always looked fierce and ready to fight. She was beautiful.

Lexa rushed forward, as did Clarke and they hugged tightly.

"I missed you," Lexa murmoured into her neck.

Clarke's hand was on the back of her head.

"I missed you too."

They pulled back and kissed slowly and so very softly. It was a more chaste kiss than their last one but for a few seconds it was just her and Clarke and the world and their responsibilities had fallen away.

"I'm sorry this happened," Clarke said looking guilty. "I tried to stop it."

"I shouldn't have arrived so late. I-I."

"Mom told me. What happened with Titus?"

Their hands stayed joined 

"He kidnapped one of your people, Murphy. He beat him."

"Is Murphy okay?"

"Yes. He is safe in Polis but Titus planned to murder you Clarke. He was going to shoot you and blame Murphy so that I might declare war."

Clarke paused as if thinking.

"Why did you change the ascension ceremony?"

"Murphy came into contact with a being, he called it an A I. Many of our myths were wrong. The flame is a piece of your technology. It is the flame that they place in the neck of the commander. It is why I have dreams of the previous commanders. The first commander was a _skai_ person from your thirteenth station."

"Show me," Clarke urged.

Lexa turned around.

"The symbol."

Clarke tenderly ran her hands over the symbol brushing her fingertips along the scar there.

"Are there any other side effects?"

Lexa shook her head and turned back around.

"Everything we were taught was a lie. My people had a right to know. They still believe the nightbloods to be true commanders. The conclave will continue but their will be no violence and no flame. They will fight but not to the death and the winner will be commander."

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa's shoulders looking deeply into her eyes.

"I know that this must be hard for you, learning the truth but it's better that you know now. These changes will ensure more nightbloods survive. No child will have to die to become the next _heda_."

Lexa smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around Clarke. She rained kisses down the blonde's neck, her lips eventually moving towards her cheeks and jaw and then onto her lips until they were kissing passionately.

Lexa pressed forward more and more until Clarke's back touched the table behind her.

"I guess you really did miss me," Clarke joked dryly.

Lexa gazed into her eyes not hiding anything from her.

"I guess it's your turn to be backed into a  table."

Clarke's smile curved into the satisfied smirk that Lexa recognised from their last time together. It sent a deep thirst through her body. That smirk meant only one thing.

"We cannot spend too long in here," Clarke whispered. "The longer we are together, the more chance that we are discovered."

Lexa just nodded staring into her eyes. Clarke kissed her again putting her arms around her back and waist. She spun Lexa around and guided her down the ground and Lexa gave in and let her take charge. 

_I love you._

_You don't even realise._

_I would give you anything._

Lexa's thoughts were full only of love as they made love on the floor of the tent multiple times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - commander  
> Sha, heda - Yes, commander  
> Skaiprisa - sky princess


	8. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes hunting and talks with Bellamy about trusting the grounders. When she returns she reunites with a familiar face from her past that forces her to deal with her guilt.

Chapter 8 - The Morning After

Clarke POV

It had only been a few hours since Clarke had seen Lexa. She had sneaked safely back into Arkadia and into her bed before anyone had seen her. They had spent much longer in the tent than she had planned.

 _It seems to be a common problem for us_ she mused to herself happily.

Clarke had only gained a few hours sleep before she'd had to get up and go on their hunt. The others had been surprised at how good she was at the task. She'd learned a lot when she had gone it alone as _Wanheda_ those few months. Of course deer were less dangerous to hunt than panthers.

"Someone's in a good mood," Bellamy joked as they moved through the woods.

Clarke smiled.

"Well at least we're making progress and we can finally eat something decent and not that awful broth again."

He smiled back raising his eyebrows.

"It is awful. Has your mother gone to meet the commander again? I didn't think Lexa would contact her again so soon."

_Neither did I. What is she up to?_

"Maybe she just wants to discuss terms again."

"Are we sure about this? Trusting Lexa. She could've been killed going there alone."

"If she was going to do that she would've done it last time."

"It could be a trick."

Clarke knew that he meant well but she couldn't help but despair at how little her friends and family trusted Lexa.

 _She's not the monster you think she is_ she wanted to say.

_She's beautiful and wise and good._

_I care about her._

"It isn't a trick. Can't we just enjoy one victory for once? We're hunting. We've started negotiating. Relax."

Bellamy raised his eyebrows even higher.

"Okay who are you and what have you done with Clarke? You are never this calm."

Clarke gave him a wistful smile.

"I just think that we shouldn't worry too much about Lexa. She wants peace too. I know she does."

"That's right. You did spent a lot of time with her in Polis in didn't you?"

He was being sarcastic but all their talk of Polis made her miss it.

"It's different there. I was an ambassador. I saw how the grounders operate. They aren't all hungry for war but it's still tense. Lexa has to show strength."

"Yeah I've seen how the grounders show strength."

 _He means Mount Weather_.

"It was the ice nation that destroyed Mount Weather. Lexa stopped that when she fought Roan and killed Nia."

Clarke felt a pang in her heart as she remembered how worried she'd been for Lexa. She had been sure Roan would win underestimating Lexa's abilities as a warrior. They'd argued about the fight. Lexa was always so ready to accept her own death for her people.

_If you are right then today's the day my spirit will choose it's successor and you need to accept that._

_Like hell I do._

But Clarke had not been able to accept even the possibility of Lexa's death. When she had realised that she could not stop the fight, she had given in and gone to watch her, to show her support and in case- in case it was the last time she saw her.

_I'm glad you came._

_Me too._

That moment when Lexa had been kicked down, when Roan had been moving towards her with his spear ready to strike had been terrifying. Lexa had appeared beaten and Clarke's heart had stopped. She'd barely been able to breathe. She had thought it over. The idea of Lexa being killed shook her to her very core. It was at that moment that Clarke could no longer deny that her feelings for Lexa were still strong, that she couldn't stop caring for her even if tried.

"Can she fight as well as the rumours say?" Bellamy asked.

Then Lexa had dodged, spun her legs and cracked Roan in the lower leg sweeping him down to his feet. In seconds she defeated him.

"Better. She was phenomenal."

A swell of pride filled her as she spoke. Lexa was more powerful, agile and cunning than any warrior she had ever seen. She had defeated Roan, spared him and then thrown his spear into Nia's chest in one powerful strike. Clarke had been in awe of her that day. The crowd had cheered and chanted her name, inspired beyond measure.

That fierce and powerful warrior had given herself completely to Clarke just hours before. It was more than Clarke's heart could bear to think about how lucky she was to be one of the few people to ever see that side of the commander.

"I still don't trust them," Bellamy told them.

"I know," she replied. "But what's the alternative?"

When they reached Arkadia, they were still in high spirits. It felt good to be bringing back food for the camp, to know that they would be the reason their people ate. They would need to do much more. Though they had originally planned to send one group, her mother had arranged for trusted groups of people to go hunting several times a day. One group once a day would be nowhere near enough.

Clarke glanced around, noticing a few new faces. Grounders. Her mother was with a small group of them.

"Mom? What's going on?"

"Clarke. These people are refugees caught up in our feud with Pike. Apparently he attacked more places than we were told. As a sign of good faith we have agreed to give medical assistance and a home to those displaced."

Clarke suddenly felt very alarmed. It was a good way of showing good faith with the other grounders for sure but it was certainly a risk taking them, especially when food was still scarce.

"In return Lexa gave us more food supplies to help us recover."

 _Lexa_ she thought. _You couldn't let us starve. Are you going soft on me?_

Clarke knew that the answer was no. Deep down Lexa was still capable of being ruthless if she had to be. She was ruthless when necessary but could still show compassion and be reasonable too. It truly made her a great leader.

"We should keep watch over them to make sure that none of our people cause trouble. Lincoln and Octavia could keep an eye on them. They both speak grounder and will look familiar."

"I'll go and brief them now," her mother replied. "I've sent the injured to get treatment. Could you show them to the spare rooms?"

"Sure."

Clarke watched her mother leave and turned to the grounders.

" _Masta ai op_."

Clarke was aware of her friends nearby watching her. They knew that she spoke grounder much more since her voluntary exile but she disliked how they seemed to look at her as if she was a stranger every time she spoke _trigedasleng_.

She led them down the corridors very aware of the looks they were getting from her people.

" _Yu na rid op hir_."

She motioned to the room which held several beds. She waited as they fed into the room and was surprised when a hand touched her shoulder.

_Oh God._

"Niylah?"

The blonde smiled at her and Clarke felt a blush coming to her cheeks. She was thankful that she rarely blushed visibly or showed her embarrassment.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Pike attacked my home. My father was murdered, my home destroyed."

"I'm so sorry."

Niylah seemed serious now, sadness clouding her eyes. Then she glanced up at Clarke and grinned suddenly. Clarke knew that look. It was the same flirtatious one she had always given her each time she had visited the trading post.

Awkward memories flooded through Clarke of what they had done, of their night together. It had just been a weak moment for Clarke. She had wanted comfort, had wanted to feel something good to replace the darkness in her mind and the aching in her body.

"It's good to see you," Niylah said, moving to touch her arm. 

Clarke pulled away quickly. Things had changed. This would not happen. There was Lexa now. Niylah's eyes flashed with embarrassment and rejection and Clarke immediately felt guilty.

"No, Niylah," she said in a hushed voice so that no one else could hear. "It's not you. Things are different. I - there's someone else. No one else knows but I can't betray her."

Niylah searched her face for a second and then nodded in understanding.

"I never asked for more than a moment Clarke. That was all I ever expected. I am happy that you have someone."

_Well. This isn't uncomfortable at all._

"I hope that you like it here. It's not the same as your home, I know but we have food now and we will take care of you."

Niylah gave her a slight smile and nodded again. She went into the room and Clarke turned away feeling awful.

She liked Niylah. She was warm and kind. Clarke had slept with her and then left in the middle of the night before she could wake.

After Lexa had kissed and betrayed her, Clarke had been unable to get Lexa out of her head. When she had been with Niylah she hadn't been thinking, had been fuelled with rage and hurt and guilt all at once and it had been a momentary reprieve from her pain. She had just wanted to _feel_ something good, to seek comfort.

Niylah was a good person but she wasn't who Clarke had really wanted. Sex with Niylah had been great but she did not love and desire her as greatly as she did Lexa. She did not hold Niylah in her arms afterwards like she had Lexa just a few hours before.

She did not listen to her panting breaths as they lay exhausted on the ground half-dressed and tangled in each other. She did not crave to see her sleeping beside her as she did Lexa whose face was a work of art that Clarke yearned to sketch and to caress and to study.

When Lexa had closed her eyes and turned over Clarke had slipped one arm around her waist and hugged her, pressing her body against Lexa's. She had stayed like that too comfortable to move, too happy to want it to ever end.

Who only knew how panicked her guard must've been standing on the hill for hours waiting for his leader to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanheda - Commander of death
> 
> Masta ai op - Follow me
> 
> Trigedasleng - Grounder language
> 
> Yu na rid op hir - You can sleep here


	9. Wildfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes with Clarke and spends some time evaluating the changes in herself and her leadership since Clarke came into her life. She also reveals her new nickname for Clarke and Indra questions if the can really trust skaikru.

Lexa POV

She woke to Clarke's arm around her waist, her body pressed against hers.

When she turned around Clarke was still awake and was watching her.

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you."

It was then that Lexa realised she had spent too long there. She quickly rose to her feet and searched for the rest of her clothes.

"I should go. I left my guard waiting on the hill."

"Poor guy. It's cold out there tonight."

Lexa couldn't help but smile at her but it worried her that she had let her guard down so completely.

"This could be dangerous, meeting here like this," she said seriously. "If someone sees us, our whole alliance could be at risk. We cannot be this selfish."

Clarke blinked rapidly and turned to the side. Lexa recognised that expression with dismay. Whenever she was mad or disgruntled she gave her that look. It made Lexa feel weak every time. She hated when Clarke was angry at her.

"We could meet once every few days to minimise the risk," Lexa continued.

Clarke glanced back at her with a smile, excitement flashing in her eyes.

_How does she keep doing this to me? I know I am strong but not strong enough to resist those eyes_

Lexa shook the thought away. She could not let her needs put them both at risk.

"We have to be very careful though."

Clarke was still smiling. That smirk again.

_She is so very pleased with herself._

Clarke stepped forward and brushed Lexa's hair back, tidying the stray strands and Lexa felt all of her resolve begin to crumble.

Clarke did this to her.

She could barely remember when she had felt able to keep the girl from getting behind her defences. Clarke had demolished them one by one.

_Each time she had questioned her and showed her strength._

_Each time she made her smile._

_Each time she had shown her compassion._

This fiery, driven _skai_ girl had strode into her life like wildfire. Only this fire was so tempting, so enticing that Lexa had let it devour her, each attempt to resist failing.

The truth was that Lexa knew that she could no longer resist. Clarke was the only opponent that had ever defeated her and Lexa couldn't even feel sorry that she had.

Since Clarke had saved her from the _Pauna_ , had charged her back into a table with only words Lexa had wanted to be defeated. _Heda_ _Leksa Kom Trikru_ was a proud warrior who feared no one, who defeated every enemy that challenged her.

Lexa, the girl beneath the _heda_ wanted to be loved and to love and wanted understanding. Clarke was a leader too. She _understood_ better than anyone else.

Lexa leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek as Clarke still caressed her hair. She felt a soft thumb brush across the side of her cheek. Clarke could be so tender and caring.

"Don't worry. I will be careful," Clarke told her, tilting her head sideways.

Her voice was so soothing, so reassuring.

"I do worry _skaiprisa_ ,"

Clarke grinned suddenly as if she thought it funny.

" _Skaiprisa_?" she asked, raising her eyebrows

"Murphy kept calling you princess. The nickname seemed to suit you."

"He likes to be sarcastic."

"That he does," Lexa said dryly.

They both moved forward and embraced in farewell, Clarke placing a kiss on her lips before they parted.

"Now go and relieve your poor guard _heda_."

"Go and get some sleep Clarke."

Lexa had been unable to tear her eyes from her as she left, her heart so full of hope. She had spent so many years without hope. She had accepted that her life would be for her people and that this meant giving up her own happiness. Clarke was her hope for herself that she could have both, that she could rule and have happiness at the same time. The realist in Lexa warned her that it couldn't last and that life wasn't like that for a leader but for once Lexa could not listen.

 

A few days later Lexa was in her tent with Indra studying terrain maps.

"You should not have given them the supplies," Indra told her. "If your people find out that you are helping _skaikru_ before they have obeyed your rule, they will think you weak."

Lexa shot her a warning look, lifting her chin up high and staring directly at her. Indra turned away. It had been a few days since Lexa had seen Clarke. She had met Abby and had negotiated further.

It had bothered her the idea that Clarke could be starving behind the walls of Arkadia. She had seemed pretty healthy, given her stamina in the tent, but Lexa could not stand the thought of Clarke not being well cared for.

_I shouldn't be giving them supplies. This is affecting my judgment._

But Lexa no longer minded the effect Clarke had on her leadership. All Clarke ever did was show her a better way to lead and teach her that she didn't always have to be ruthless.

"It is in all our best interests to convince _skaikru_ to rejoin the _kongeda_. Their weapons are powerful. Even with our numbers, many of our warriors would be slaughtered in a battle with them. The losses would be great."

"Even if they join the alliance, they could betray us and kill our people anyway."

"Perhaps," said Lexa still in a good mood from her time with Clarke. "But alliances are always risky and this is the best option that we have at this time."

Indra seemed confused by her positivity and Lexa wondered if she was acting different. Perhaps they had noticed the change in her heart and how it eased the angry beast of the warrior within her.

_That beast is still there she wanted to say to Indra. Let anyone dare to anger it and they will regret their actions._

_I may be focussed more on peace but I still have the strength for war._

Rather than feeling weaker, Clarke made her stronger. She pushed her to admit her weaknesses and to face them, pushed her to see her vulnerability as just another part of her.

Clarke taught her that her emotions and her passion was a strength and Lexa believed her for she had seen the strength that Clarke had in her own heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skai - skai  
> Pauna - The mutated gorilla  
> Heda Leksa Kom Trikru - Commander Lexa of the tree people/clan.  
> Heda - Commander  
> Skaiprisa - Sky princess  
> Skaikru - sky people


	10. Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven stumbles across a secret and Lexa shows how much progress she has made since meeting Clarke.

Clarke POV

"Raven you cannot tell anyone!"

Clarke chased after Raven, dressing quickly as she followed her down the path. She spotted a guard just ahead of them pointing a bow towards them. He hadn't seen them but soon would.

"Get down!"

Raven obeyed her even though she was furious. They crouched in the grass out of sight until the guard passed. Raven stood up to leave but Clarke grabbed her to the side.

"Get off me!"

She didn't know whether the brunette was more hurt or angry. Clarke and Lexa had been kissing and were halfway towards a various states of undress, Lexa far less dressed than Clarke. Perhaps it had been lucky Lexa had been wearing fewer clothes so that she hadn't been able to chase Raven as Clarke had.

"I knew something was up. I knew it. You were all miserable when you came back and then all of a sudden you're all happy and cheerful."

"Raven..."

"Of all people why _her_?"

Clarke opened her mouth but no words came out. Raven went to leave but she pulled her back.

"Wait. You can't tell anyone about this."

"Why not? Worried people will look at you different when they realise you are banging the commander."

Clarke almost winced at her bluntness, embarrassed.

"I'm not protecting my pride Raven. If the grounders know about this then they might question Lexa's fitness to command. And our people would question where my loyalties lie."

"Where do they lie? Oh this explains so much of your behaviour."

Clarke gave her a very serious frown.

"You can't be serious. You know that I would do anything to save my people as she would hers. She doesn't want war."

"She asked for Finn's life. Finn. You remember him right? The boy who loved you."

Clarke shook her head. It was still a sore point between them. It still hurt to remember what she'd had to do.

"You don't know what it's like in Polis. Her people may kill her at the first show of weakness. She had to enforce blood must have blood. But she's trying... she has changed that law. She's trying to find a better way. Please you cannot tell anyone. The alliance would be in danger. Lexa would be in danger. We need her."

Raven stared at her defiantly, looking Clarke up and down with a slight sneer. Then her expression softened. Clarke realised that she had been holding Raven's arm in a pleading manner.

"Do you care about her?"

Clarke frowned. Putting her feelings for Lexa into words were very difficult. She nodded silently.

"I don't get it. Personally I don't see it."

Raven huffed.

"I guess I should be greatful I caught you when I did. A few minutes later and I might've caught you right in the act."

Clarke nodded again. Raven had been dangerously closer than she realised to seeing them having sex. Clarke had been just about to reach her hands down into Lexa's underwear when Raven had walked in.

"I won't tell I promise but you need to be more careful. I saw you sneaking off more than once and if you hadn't been so obviously cheerful I probably wouldn't have followed you. I thought you had a secret stash of Monty's moonshine or something."

"Thank you."

Raven glanced away.

"Look it's up to you who you screw with but you could've chosen someone a little less complicated than her."

"This wasn't a choice," Clarke replied and Raven eyes widened as she realised what she was saying.

"You love her."

"Yes," she said, relieved to finally admit it. "I haven't told her that yet but she knows that I care about her."

"That's why she offered the food supplies. Couldn't let wifey starve."

Clarke frowned again.

"Wifey?"

"I'm joking Clarke. Relax. I suppose I better get back and you better go back and finish - whatever you were going to do."

Clarke bit her lip thoughtfully.

"I better go and convince her not to kill you."

Raven shot her an alarmed and defensive look.

"She will do anything to protect the alliance I told you but I'll talk to her."

"Let her try and kill me," Raven said dryly.

Clarke didn't correct her by telling her that Lexa would be able to kill her with one throwing knife and one quick flick of her wrist.

"I'll go - talk to her."

"Yeah have fun with your _talking_."

Raven's tone was light but she wasn't smiling her expression sad.

 _It will take her time to accept this_ , Clarke thought.

Deep down Clarke was glad that she was the first to find out. She been one of the people who Clarke had most worried about reacting badly. They were forever connected because of Finn but their relationship had first started with Clarke being the other girl that had slept with her boyfriend. Even though she hadn't known it had put Clarke in an incredibly awkward position and Raven to her credit had handled it much better than Clarke might have. She had never taken it out on Clarke.

Lexa POV

The _heda_ had been firmly wrapped in her lover's arms and had been in just her underwear when the brunette had entered the tent. Her heart raced whenever she was with Clarke but it had beat faster when the girl had seen them.

She recognised her as the one they called Finn's loved one. Clarke hadn't fully explained their situation but she could tell that both Clarke and Raven had cared deeply for the boy. The girl's face had been full of shock and anger. She clearly hadn't even guessed that there might be something between them.

Lexa's first instinct was to chase the girl and strike her down thus preventing any threat to the alliance. She had resisted her instinct instead glancing straight at Clarke who had grabbed her clothes and charged after Raven. Lexa had been unable to chase her down without risk of one of her guards finding her in a less than optimal position.

She waited for Clarke, churning the encounter over in her head. The warrior in her wanted to strike but she knew that Clarke cared for her people and had some particular connection with this one. Clarke entered the tent to find her pacing back and forth. She stopped and turned to her.

"Well?" she asked Clarke.

"I spoke to her. She won't tell anyone."

_You can't be sure of that._

"And if she does?"

"She won't. I trust her," Clarke told her placing her hands on Lexa's shoulders.

Lexa remained cold and authoritive to her touch. She could not risk her people's safety. Clarke seemed to see her difficulty and Lexa softened gazing into her ocean blue eyes.

"I know it's hard for you to trust but she's my friend. Yes - just my friend before you say. She won't say a word."

Lexa frowned, her mouth almost in a grimace. This was not how she did things but she understood that Clarke cared for each of her people and that she knew them better than Lexa did. Sometimes she worried that Clarke was too trusting of her people, choosing to see the best in them a little naively sometimes. She loved that part of Clarke. It was one of the things that had allowed her to see past Lexa's mask.

_I do trust you Clarke._

_I know how hard that is for you._

Clarke's compassion was what had caused Lexa to kiss her the first time.

_You think our ways are harsh but it's how we survive._

_Maybe life should be about more than just surviving._

Lexa had been transfixed by Clarke that day, unable to stop her eyes from tracking Clarke's lips as she had turned aside. Lexa had gulped thinking that she was amazing. No else besides Costia had ever considered what Lexa wanted. No one had ever encouraged her to want anything for herself. The _heda_ 's life was to sacrifice not to want. But Lexa did want very much. She wanted this _skai_ girl more than anything.

She had leaned in and kissed her that day. Clarke had been startled but hadn't pulled away. In fact her hand had moved to Lexa's back and she had reciprocated very very slowly. Lexa had been in heaven for that brief moment, Clarke's lips were so soft against hers as they moved and the feel of her skin was so wonderful as Lexa's nose had brushed ever so slowly past Clarke's to find another angle.

When Clarke had pulled back it had felt cruel, to lose something so sweet so quickly. Clarke had been kind in her rejection, she had given her some hope but it was still rejection.

_I'm not ready to be with anyone._

_Not yet._

It was the 'not yet' that had quickened her heart. Though she had desired to take her right there and then and to keep her forever Lexa had nodded not pushing her. Lexa had made her move more than once to make her feelings clear. She had told her she cared for her by accident but after she had kissed her she had been more obvious asking her rather nervously to come to Polis.

Clarke had never given her an answer but had given her a compliment. It was never no with Clarke. It was always...

_Not yet._

Lexa moved forward in the neutral tent and kissed Clarke full on the lips letting go of the conversation about Raven. It was no longer 'not yet'. She had her in this tent, in this moment and Lexa would not waste it.

"So you aren't going to kill Raven?" Clarke asked half-joking when they pulled away.

Lexa stared at her lovingly.

"No," she just said. "You worry about your people, I will worry about mine."

Clarke smiled at the memory. Lexa had finally learned to trust.

"Let's finish what we started and hope that there are no more interruptions."

"I will kill the next person who dares to interrupt us."

Clarke lips spread into a wide grin, her eyes flashing with desire.

"I just believe you might, commander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - commander  
> Skai - sky


	11. Perilous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke begins to accept that she loves Lexa while hunting with Octavia. Raven and Clarke have a little girl talk and Lexa receives disconcerting news that causes her to lose her temper.
> 
> *There is hunting and some discussion of violence but it's minimal.

Clarke POV

 _I love her. I admitted it to Raven. I love Lexa_.

Clarke tested the words out in her thoughts as she hunted with the others. It was still weird actually admitting it. She rarely had time even to think about how she felt.

Octavia crept forward in the undergrowth towards the deer. They all kept quiet and low, careful not scare the animal. Suddenly Octavia threw her small sword and it landed in the animal's upper body. It fell to the ground with a horrible cry that pained Clarke for a second. She took no joy in hunting but it was a necessity.

"Good shot," she said, nodding towards Octavia.

Octavia was still full of adrenaline but there was some pride in her eyes. Despite their difficulties since TonDc and the missile, Octavia didn't seem to be holding a grudge though she still sometimes seemed a little bitter towards Clarke. Clarke suspected it was more that the girl disliked being told what to do rather than actually disliked her. She _did_ have issues with authority figures but then so did Clarke.

Clarke returned with the others and went to find Raven to check on her new engineering project. When she'd told her about the A.I she'd set to working on a way to fullproof their systems from being ever being compromised if ever the A.I did try to hack into their systems. Clarke didn't know if it was a threat but Raven hated not being busy.

Raven had kept her word and said nothing to the others about Lexa. She had even teased her when she'd bumped into Niylah in the hall and noticed the weird vibe between them.

"So that's what you were doing when you were away. Does you know who know?"

"It was just the once and no and you are never telling her. I'll tell her when I have to. She is a little prone to jealousy."

"I wouldn't have thought her the type."

"You should've have seen her face when one of her guards flirted with me once in Polis."

"Grounders can flirt?"

"Pretty well when they want to but they can be a bit blunt."

Raven's expression was wicked now.

"What did he say?"

"Let's just say that he invited me to participate in a certain sex act."

"Details Griffin. You never give me the details. You weren't so prudish the other day when you were half-naked and all over each over."

Raven kept her voice low and they checked around as they spoke. Clarke thought about it and then whispered what he'd said. Raven laughed out loud.

"Ho-oly! What did she say?"

"Nothing but she glared at him as if she was going to murder him. I thought she was going to kick him right off the tower."

"That'd been a sight to see."

_Well she's done it before._

Clarke decided to keep that thought to herself given that Raven was just beginning to see Lexa as a person and not just the commander.

It had felt good to finally have someone to talk to about her relationship. The secret was exciting but sometimes she longed to tell her friends and to have a normal conversation about it but then their relationship was never going to normal.

 

Lexa POV

"What is this about?"

King Roan was in her tent, now sporting a wooden crown. He handed her the sketch.

"I know what Ontari looks like," she said dryly.

"She left _Azgeda_ a week ago with a band of supporters. She means to show up at the next conclave and defeat the nightbloods. She killed several of my men because they refused to join her foolish crusade."

" _Azgeda_ has not yet rejoined the _kongeda_. Why should Polis fight your battles? Ontari has the right to compete and no one dies in the conclave anymore."

"I don't think that is wise _heda_ ," Indra interrupted. "If Ontari is allowed to compete and wins she will destroy the alliance. She would be the worst kind of leader. Despite _Azgeda_ 's former treachery, Ontari is a danger to us all."

Lexa mused over this. Her sense of fairness told her that Ontari should compete but her instincts told her not to let her anywhere near Aden or the others.

"Very well. Send a small group of my men to capture the girl. The _Azgeda_ defectors will be caught and returned to you to face justice King Roan."

"There is another problem."

Lexa inwardly sighed.

_Of course there was._

For every problem she solved there were ten more.

"Ontari heard rumour of two other nightbloods, one named Luna that escape your conclave and one hidden in _Louwoda Kliron._ She means to find and kill them both."

Lexa couldn't help but still be affected at the mention of Luna.

"I will send parties to bring both Luna and the girl here for protection at once. Thank you for your information."

King Roan nodded. He was a much more reasonable and less ambitious leader than his mother Nia and seemed to be happy to be King of _Azgeda_. Lexa was still wary of allowing _Azgeda_ back into alliance but at some point the discussion would have to take place.

King Roan left the tent and Lexa moved from her throne to check through some papers. Indra, though often quiet was uncharacteristically silent. Usually after every discussion Indra had thoughts to give. She was looking at Lexa oddly, in a sideways glance.

" _Heda_. I must discuss something with you."

"What is it Indra?"

Lexa was in full commander mode, her tone authoritarian. She was comfortable like this. In control.

"You have been going for a lot of evening walks."

"Yes."

Lexa's heart thudded a little but she would not show anything that would give her and Clarke's relationship away.

"I know that losing Titus was a blow but you must keep your head. Now is not the time for weakness."

_Oh. She thinks that I am upset about Titus and that I am going off alone to be upset._

"I am fine Indra. I just like to clear my thoughts at night."

"It is not a common activity for you."

"Maybe not but it is an activity I enjoy."

That part was certainly not a lie. Lexa enjoyed seeing Clarke very much. They had been meeting a little too frequently but it was becoming near impossible to stay away from the girl.

"There is something else. I received word from Polis just before your talk with Prince Roan. Ontari has already been there."

Lexa stopped.

_Aden?_

_The nightbloods?_

_What had Ontari done?_

"She killed no one but injured one of your guards, the one guarding Titus."

_Clarke!_

She turned immediately to meet Indra's eyes. Lexa's heart pounded faster and she felt fear rising with her. She clenched her fist in rage. Costia's death reminded her never to be complacent about her enemies.

"He escaped. No one has found him."

"Why did you not bring this to me immediately?" Lexa yelled. "Prince Roan could've waited."

Indra had clearly expected her rage but Lexa could not contain it.

_If he hurt her!_

_He could already be on his way to Clarke!_

Lexa closed her eyes for a second, her jaw tensing.

"Arrange a meeting with _skaikru_ immediately. They must be warned. Tighten the guards around Arkadia."

Indra had clearly not expected this response. She looked confused.

" _Heda?_ I know he meant to kill _Wanheda_ but they are capable of defending their own."

"Now! I will not repeat this order! Tell them Clarke must be present!"

Indra's eyes blazed. No warrior liked to be yelled at without answering back but she knew not to challenge her when she was like this.

As soon as Indra was out of the tent Lexa roared and knocked the papers off her table. She rarely lashed out in temper but her heart would not stop racing at the thought of Clarke in danger.

_If he touches her I will kill him. I will make him suffer._

The thought repeated until she calmed herself and cleaned up the papers she had pushed from the table. She could not act like this in front of _skaikru_ but she would not keep this from them. Her and Clarke would have to stop meeting until he was caught. It would be far too dangerous. Lexa would not put Clarke's life at risk like that no matter how much she loved seeing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - commander  
> Azgeda - Ice nation  
> Kongeda - Alliance/coalition  
> Louwoda Kliron - Shadow Valley Clan  
> Skaikru - sky people  
> Wanheda - Commander of death aka Clarke


	12. Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke makes a mistake when disagreeing with Lexa, Abby grows suspicious of the commander's motives and Indra questions Lexas actions.

Clarke POV

"Did she give no indication why she wanted to meet today?" Clarke asked.

"No," her mother replied.

"She only insisted that you were there. For the thousandth time I don't know any more than you do so stop asking."

Clarke was really worried now. She had arranged to meet Lexa that night. Lexa had not mentioned taking any further action with the blockade the last time they had spoken. Everything had been going well.

When they arrived Indra and Lexa were already waiting. Clarke glanced at her. Lexa did not look happy at all and Indra seemed more on edge than usual. Lexa's mood tended to have an effect of the people she commanded. When she was in a bad mood they all noticed and became more wary of her.

_What's happened?_

Once inside Lexa spoke first.

"Chancellor."

" _Heda_ ," her mother replied.

 _Good she's finally beginning to show her respect,_ Clarke mused.

"Titus has escaped," Lexa said plainly.

_Oh. Ooh. That's why-_

Lexa continued not waiting for a response as she laid out the whole situation with Ontari and Titus. She paced as she spoke, turning back on her heel every now and then. She rarely glanced at Clarke or anyone.

_She's furious. I wouldn't like to be Titus if she gets hold of him._

"I have strengthened security around Arkadia. You must strengthen yours. The neutral ground will be dissolved for now except on days where meetings are expected."

_Wait. What?_

"I don't think that's necessary," Clarke interrupted.

Lexa caught her gaze directly.

" _I_ think it necessary. I will not let _Titus_ take advantage of the space to cause _more_ damage to the alliance."

She still paced and tilted her head as she spoke, forming each word deliberately.

"We don't even know that he will target the alliance. For all we know he may just run away," Clarke protested.

"We _do_ know. Titus is steadfast in his beliefs. He _will_ target it."

 _This isn't about the alliance. This is about me. You are treating me as if I cannot defend myself_.

Her eyes conveyed the message to Lexa fiercely.

Lexa shook her head, trying to restraint her emotions.

"I know Clarke, that you are a strong warrior but Titus has taught _four_ commanders. He is a much more powerful warrior than you know."

"I carry a gun. If he tries to attack me I will shoot him."

Lexa raised her eyebrows in a softer gesture.

"If anything happens to you, the whole alliance is at risk and I _can't_ allow that to happen."

Her voice was much softer now. This was about Costia too, Clarke knew. Costia had been murdered by Lexa's enemies. The memory of it left a deep rooted fear in Lexa that anyone she loved could be taken from her again. It was why she had shut herself off from love for so long.

"We can't make decisions based upon fear. I make my own decisions. I can defend myself."

"We will increase our defences," her mother said suddenly. "We will send someone to guard Clarke at all times."

"No," Clarke said. "During the day and when I'm out hunting, yes but I want some privacy even if it's only in the evening."

"Clarke-"

"Lexa. I said no."

Lexa's tone was so familiar that Clarke had forgotten where she was. Lexa glanced at her, her expression somewhere inbetween anger at the public disrespect and sadness that they were disagreeing.

 _I shouldn't have said that_. _Mom, Bellamy and Indra all saw that._

Indra was scowling at her and holding the hilt of her sword as if ready to back Lexa up.

Clarke lowered her head as a sign of submission.

"I-I'm sorry. I mean. I don't feel that it's necessary _heda_. I respect your judgment and I understand the threat to the alliance but I can defend myself."

Her eyes darted upwards. Clarke expected her to make a dominance play, to recover from the disrespectful way Clarke had spoken to her in front of one of her people but she just nodded slightly, her lips tightening as if to restrain her emotions.

"You will be escorted by a guard during the - _day_. Chancellor Abby, arrange the changes to your defences on your side. Arkadia has already been fortified. My orders are for Titus to be murdered on sight. Clarke, I trust you can provide an apt description or sketch for your people."

"Of course, _heda_. I will follow your commands."

Clarke hoped that her deference was enough to fix her earlier mistake.

"What of the neutral zone?" Clarke asked quickly.

Lexa grimaced as she glanced back at her. Clarke could see her internal struggle. She wanted to still see her but she was so afraid of losing Clarke to Titus.

 _Trust me_ , Clarke secretly expressed, knowing that Lexa could read her well _. It will be okay. This doesn't need to stop.._

Lexa turned away for a second.

"It remains, for now. But if there is any word that Titus is in the area, I will disband it."

Clarke quietly sighed with relief and when Lexa turned back she nodded.

"Thank you commander."

A small smile tugged at the corners of Lexa's lips though she refused to let it show.

Lexa faced Abby now.

"I must take my leave now. Send me word _immediately_ if there is any sign of Titus. Do not defy this order or there will be no alliance."

"We will send word to you right away."

Lexa nodded and then strode out of the tent like a hurricane. Indra's eyes met Clarke's. She was still angry that Clarke had said no to Lexa.

"Indra! Now!" Lexa yelled.

Indra moved to leave immediately but her gaze lingered on Clarke as she passed. Clarke clasped her hands together in front of her and stood her ground but secretly she couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by the woman.

"Woah. She doesn't forgive easily does she?" Bellamy said with surprise. "I wouldn't like to be Titus."

"Can you give us a minute alone, Bellamy?"

Clarke jerked her head towards her mother. Talking alone only ever meant a lecture. It was probably about her attitude towards Lexa. Disrespecting her publicly was a bad thing to do for many reasons.

They waited for Bellamy to leave, Clarke feeling impatient to get back to Arkadia.

"What the hell just happened?" her mother demanded raising her hands up.

"I know. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was a mistake."

"I don't mean that. I mean with Lexa. She just let you get away with saying it and she was furious about Titus escaping."

"He was her most trusted advisor for years and he betrayed her."

"No. He meant to attack you."

"While I was an ambassador and under her protection. To Lexa not following her orders and attacking her allies is a betrayal. It's the same thing."

"There's more to this story. It makes no sense. She has no investment in protecting us while we are out of the alliance."

_Uh oh._

"The extra food supplies. Allowing us to hunt. Telling us about Titus when he only means to attack you. No, there's something else going on here."

_This is it. Time to face up to the music._

"We have to get to the bottom of it. She has some other motive we aren't aware of."

Clarke could've laughed in relief. Her mother had completely missed what was between her and Lexa.

"She seems to respect you Clarke. Maybe you can find out once the blockade is finally removed."

Clarke just nodded not wanting to directly lie if she didn't have to. Inside she was so relieved. She had truly thought that her mother knew.

_Lexa will be struggling with this. She will be thinking of Costia. We are supposed to meet tonight. I can talk with her then about all of this._

Clarke hated arguing with her but it wasn't as if they had never argued before. They could both be as stubborn and hot-tempered as each other.

 

Lexa POV

When the _heda_ returned to her tent, she wanted to dismiss Indra and be with her thoughts but Indra's expression suggested that she wanted to talk. She already knew that it was about Clarke's error.

Clarke had pushed her luck too far, acting as if they were alone. Lexa had only meant to protect her but she knew that her lover was proud and capable and did not want to be babied or treated as such.

Lexa respected Clarke's strength greatly. She had defeated three hundred of her warriors and destroyed the mountain men with unfavourable odds. She was her equal as a leader. Though others did not see it, Lexa knew that Clarke was every bit the commander Lexa was. It was why Lexa allowed her to speak so defiantly to her. Anyone else would have suffered for their disrespect.

The other problem was Lexa's absolute attraction to her. The more wilful and rebellious Clarke was the more aroused Lexa was. With sex they were mostly equal but  Clarke tended to be slightly more dominant than Lexa when it came down to it. She was often more impatient than Lexa and took charge and Lexa was more than happy to let her. The dynamic worked well in their sex life but in public, Lexa was the commander not Clarke. Clarke could not forget that.

"Indra. You have something to say."

" _Wanheda_ disrespected you and you did nothing to correct her."

"It was an error. One she corrected as soon as she realised."

" _Heda_. I understand that your friendship with Clarke runs deep but you cannot let it undermine your authority."

 _But it already does_ , Lexa wished she could say.

In that moment she wished to tell Indra everything just as she had wished to tell Titus. Then she remembered what Titus' reaction had been and how it has put Clarke in danger.

 _Why are you doing this?_ Titus had asked. _She won't even see you yet everything you do elevates her._

_Clarke elevates herself. She's special._

Lexa had been unable to keep the truth from her teacher even when she had tried to. Titus believed that a commander had no room for love. It was why Titus had meant to kill Clarke. She would not make the same mistake again.

"She is special," Lexa told her softly. "She has the potential to be a great leader to her people. She has already shown that. That sort of spirit must be nurtured. She knew her mistake. Her emotions still get away from her sometimes but she is learning."

Indra met her eyes. Lexa thought that maybe she already knew that there was something more between them than friendship but Lexa had framed her answer this way to give her doubt. She had likely given Indra reason to suspect many times.

Lexa had tried but she was not very subtle. Sometimes she had stared too long at Clarke. Even from the day they'd first met, Lexa had found herself gazing at the _skai_ girl for much longer than she should. She had tried to keep her attraction hidden but the _skai_ girl's very presence seemed to unravel her. She had lingered too long in conversations with her, had spent too long in her company, had been just a little too overzealous with sending guards to protect Clarke.

Lexa had provided her with a lavish room in Polis. She had sent many gifts to her room, art supplies, clothing, armour, candles for lighting, books about their culture.

Lexa had been very particular about ordering the handmaidens to make Clarke's room perfect. Lexa wasn't naive enough to think that Indra had not noticed how much care she took of Clarke, how she always listened to Clarke's advice. Lexa knew that she was being a little excessive but protecting was the only way that Lexa knew to show love. She could not say it easily but with Clarke she wanted so desperately to let her know, to show her she loved her.

_I must trust her to make her own decisions, to protect herself but I could not bear it if anything was happen to her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - Commander  
> Skai - sky  
> Wanheda - Commander of death/Clarke


	13. Ai Hod Yu In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa reveals some details of her past to Clarke and the two finally admit their true feelings for each other. Some smut.

"I still don't like this."

"I know but we can't live in fear."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa. They had met and argued for a few minutes about Titus. It had been one of their calmer arguments that had quickly been de-escalated by Clarke's apologies about her mistake and words of reassurance that this was not the same as Costia and Nia.

They had kissed and made love and were now sitting on the ground, Clarke with her back leaning on the war table, Lexa leaning back against her facing away.

"You said that Ontari was going after the other two nightbloods first. Why didn't she attack Aden and the others in Polis?"

"Since I learned Ontari was a nightblood I increased security around them. I feared that she may try something like this. She must have thought it too reckless."

"Are you still allowing her to compete?" Clarke asked tilting her head down towards Lexa.

"No. Indra suggested that it would be too dangerous."

Lexa seemed so burdened that Clarke frowned wishing to lighten the mood.

"Oh! So you listen to Indra but not to me."

Lexa turned her head sharply thinking Clarke angry at her. When she saw Clarke's smirk, she gave her the broadest smile.

"That's better," Clarke whispered, brushing the side of her face with soft fingertips.

She brushed back Lexa's luxurious hair unable to help herself from admiring it.

"Are you ready to talk about Luna? I imagine she will be arriving here soon."

"The nightbloods were the only family I had," Lexa said softly. "I was found at a very young age. My parents were taken and murdered by the mountain men when I was in Polis. I barely remember them."

"So she's like your sister but not officially."

Lexa's expression when she turned to Clarke was heartbreaking.

"I had been prepared to kill her. I was supposed to. If she had not refused and fled I might have or she might've even killed me. She told me that she believed as such before she left. This was before I met Costia."

"So she was a good fighter."

"She was the best. She was the only one I even considered might have a chance at beating me."

Clarke chuckled.

"You're very sure of yourself."

"I know my capabilities and limitations, Clarke."

Clarke placed one kiss on Lexa's cheek as she held her closer to her chest, Lexa's hair soft against her skin.

"I had to kill them all," Lexa said sadly. "It was them or me. Luna was more selfless. She disliked violence."

Clarke continued to stroke her skin, brushing along the side of her face and down to her lips.

"You were a child. It wasn't your fault. You were surviving."

"They were my brothers and sisters."

Clarke ran one hand under Lexa's chin and lifted it towards her. She leaned down and placed a kiss on her full, welcoming lips.

"I know, but I can't help being glad that the woman I love won and lived."

Lexa's face was full of pained joy. The words transformed her. She beamed back at Clarke, her lower lip trembling.

" _Ai hod yu in, Klarke_."

Clarke blinked twice rapidly and kissed her again. Lexa pulled back and turned her body around so that she was sat on top of Clarke and pushed against her. Clarke's eyes were filled with desire as she watched her lover writhing upon her, as she felt their bodies connecting.

Lexa joined their lips and she threw her whole body into the kiss. Her chestnut hair flowed thick and wild down one side of her body, her bare breasts pressed against Clarke's body. There was not a stitch of fabric between them and it was glorious.

Clarke ran her hands down Lexa's intricate back tattoo all the way down to her waist and rested them there. She guided Lexa's hip movements so that they were joined, their bodies writhing against each other creating friction. They girated against each other until they both arched their heads back in climax and moaned a little too loudly.

Clarke bit Lexa's shoulder gently, trying to suppress the noise that threatened to escape from her but Lexa seemed to be unaware of how loud she was being and Clarke could not find the strength in her to tell her to keep quiet.

"Klarke," she murmured, nuzzling down into her neck as she shuddered for the final time.

Clarke just held her for several moments and Lexa did not move either. They stayed connected for as long as they could, their eyes closed, their bodies warm and a little sweaty.

Lexa rained kisses along her neck and Clarke hazily opened her eyes and saw a slight bruise forming on Lexa's skin where she had bitten down.

"I bit too hard," she said suddenly moving her hands to the tender spot to check it.

"My clothes will keep it covered," Lexa mumbled, still buried in her neck.

"I'm not sure it will."

Lexa raised her head and gazed into her eyes. She took Clarke's checking fingers from her neck and joined their hands.

"It will be fine. Don't worry. I will say I got it training. I train all the time."

Lexa leaned forward and kissed her _skaiprisa_ softly, trying to reassure her.

Clarke faltered now, looking worried.

"I just - if anyone finds out they will question your strength again. I don't want you to be in danger."

"Leaders are always in danger Clarke. It's how we live. You know that."

"I can't bear you to be in danger for me though. Not for me."

Clarke shook her head as she spoke.

"Now you know how I feel about Titus. Our meetings, if they are to continue, need to be safer. Can't you ask Raven to at least walk here and back with you?"

Clarke grimaced.

"And what? Have her wait outside and listen to all the noise we make. She might be sat there for hours."

Lexa frowned. Clarke was right. It would awkward.

"I suppose you are right."

"I'm carrying my gun with me everywhere. I keep very low when I sneak here so no one can see me. I will be fine."

Lexa chuckled suddenly. It was very unusual to hear a commander chuckling. She sounded very light when she laughed.

"You do get very loud sometimes."

"Me! You are not exactly quiet either, Lexa."

Lexa was the one smirking now.

"I think that's just as much your fault as mine."

"And you're the very reason that I'm making a lot of noise."

"You enjoy it."

"So do you."

They smirked at each other. They were both so competitive that it was always a fight for who had the last word. This natural power battle between them was what always made their relationship so interesting and so much fun.

"I better leave soon," Clarke said suddenly with a note of disappointment in her voice. "My mom is keeping tabs on me more since you told her about Titus."

Lexa smiled but said nothing. When Clarke saw her expression she couldn't help but tease her again.

"You could at least pretend not to be happy about it. I can't even go to eat my meals without her guards shadowing me. Do you know the effort I had to make sneaking away?"

Lexa smiled even more broadly. She had the most beautiful smile. It made her appear girlish and young, a far cry from the stoic, scary commander.

When Clarke remembered that she was technically sleeping with the leader of the world, at least the last of the world's population it overwhelmed her for a second.

They dressed quietly and when it came time to leave, Clarke embraced her, kissing her on the cheek.

" _Ai hod yu in_ ," Clarke whispered to her softly.

"I love you too."

They separated and Clarke left the tent unaware that not far away, Titus was watching them, concealed in the trees and wearing a navy hood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klarke - Clarke  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you  
> Skaiprisa - sky princess


	14. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Luna struggle to reconnect while skaikru sends someone with a gift that makes the heda feel very jealous and very guilty.

Lexa POV

It had been a long time since Lexa had seen Luna. If she had even mentioned Luna once in front of Titus he had begun had called her a traitor and had begun to a verbal tirade towards her that usually lasted several minutes. It was one aspect of his personality that Lexa did not miss.

Luna was brought to her tent as soon as she had arrived.

"Any word of the other nightblood?" Lexa asked her guard.

"No, _heda_."

"Inform me as soon as there is. Leave us."

The burly man lowered his head and left without another word. Luna had aged a great deal since they had last met. She had long, thick, curly hair that framed her face and upper body. Her eyes bore into Lexa's, the expression in them mirroring her own. This woman had almost been the commander. It had been such a long time.

"Why am I here?" Luna asked showing no sign of deference.

_Of course she wouldn't be respectful. She thinks our ways and traditions wrong._

"Your life was in danger. A _natblida_ from _Azgeda_ named Ontari means to assassinate you."

"I can take care of myself. Ontari would not have found me."

"I didn't want to take the risk," Lexa said with a sadness as she realised that this woman was like a stranger to her.

"Besides, I was able to find you, she would too."

Luna seemed unmoved but then she had rarely been one to show emotion.

"What happens now? I will not fight in your wars. I don't believe in violence."

"Our ways have changed. Blood must not have blood. The conclave no longers requires death. I only mean to hide you with _skaikru_ until Ontari is dealt with."

Luna stood in silence, her presence graceful, her eyes deep and unforgiving. Not surprisingly she was still angry with Lexa. Lexa had after all murdered the initiates. They had been like family. She remembered Clarke's soothing words telling her that she hadn't had a choice. The memory strengthened her.

"I heard that you were at war with the _skaikru_. Isn't that why your army blockades them?"

"We are still negotiating. The _skaikru's_ former leader has been dealt with. The new chancellor and I are working to reach an agreement between our people.

Luna raised an eyebrow.

"Since when does the _heda_ negotiate?"

Lexa moved forward with confidence. She stared down into the woman's eyes.

"No one wants this war, especially not me. Our ways are changing. Blood must not have blood anymore. The conclave no longer requires death."

"And Titus has accepted these changes? You know he never will."

"Titus is a traitor! He has no say in this matter."

Lexa spat the words out of her mouth with a controlled fury. Rage bubbled up from beneath the surface at the mention of his name.

Luna watched her carefully and Lexa knew that she had noticed how his name affected her.

"You once called me that. Now it is Titus' turn."

"No. I never called you a traitor. Titus did and he wanted to hunt you down but I would not let him."

"Yet you obeyed his orders to kill our brothers and sisters."

"I had no choice," Lexa replied trying to stifle the anger still in her tone.

"Yes you did and you chose duty. I will never choose that. Whether I live or die, I will be free. You never will be."

Lexa raised her head meeting Luna's eyes with defiance.

"You are not a prisoner. You only need stay with _skaikru_ for a little while. They will take care of you."

Luna glared but Lexa saw no further resistance in her eyes. Luna had shown no anger in her interactions despite her words. She truly had renounced all violence. Lexa almost envied her.

It had been a low blow to remind Lexa that she was not free. She thought of the life she could have had with Clarke if she had been free of her duty. Lexa knew that she could never choose it though. She was the commander until she was removed or killed. That would not change.

"Indra and a small group of guards will escort you to Arkadia. Abby is the chancellor there and their ambassador Clarke will be there to help you to settle in."

"Clarke? _Wanheda_?"

It still stung her sometimes to hear that title, even though Lexa had become used to it. It was her fault that Clarke had become _Wanheda_. Had she not betrayed her on the mountain she would not have had to do what she did and Clarke wouldn't have had to shoulder the guilt that she did for her actions. The name was a permanant reminder of Lexa's biggest mistake, of her betrayal.

"That is how she is known but she prefers Clarke," Lexa said with a touch of softness in her voice.

"When I heard you had captured her, I thought you would kill her and take her power for yourself. I'm sure Titus would've suggested it."

"Well I did not!" Lexa snapped. "And Titus' opinion on the matter no longer matters!"

Despite her efforts she seethed at the sound of his name. The fear and worry she had for Clarke over Titus, she could only express as rage. Luna was trying to read her reactions and Lexa reminded herself how perceptive she was. Luna had always been able to read the people around her very well. It was what had made her a great warrior.

Indra entered the tent suddenly. She had been waiting to lead Luna to Arkadia. She seemed to sense the tension and glanced expectantly at Lexa.

"It is time for you to leave," Lexa muttered turning away.

Luna did not say anything in reply but nodded towards Indra and they left.

Lexa felt conflicted. Luna had not changed much but she felt as though they were strangers now.

Lexa was the one who had changed. She could not go back and make up for what she had done in the conclave yet she knew that she would have done it again had she had to.

She moved her fingers up to the side of her neck and under her clothing. The bruise was still there. It was barely sore at all and turning different shades of yellow now but it eased Lexa greatly to remember Clarke's lips there, to remember both of them climaxing.

Clarke had bitten her unintentionally, only intending to stifle her loud moans and Clarke had felt guilty about it afterwards. Her _skaiprisa_ may never do it again because she would never intentionally hurt Lexa.

Lexa didn't mind it at all. It was a tangible reminder of Clarke to hold on to. She knew that it would fade soon but her fingers kept finding it when she was alone, to remind her.

They had both admitted that they loved each other now. They had finally said it out loud. Though Lexa had long hoped that her feelings were reciprocated she hadn't been able to ease her doubts that Clarke didn't feel as strongly as she did. Hearing her say it had erased those doubts.

She was so engrossed that it took her a second to realise that someone else was in the tent. She turned sharply, ready to grab her sword.

A blonde woman stood there, one of her own people, escorted by a guard. She was taller than Lexa and very attractive and she held a box in her arms. She had clearly noticed the mark on Lexa's neck and what Lexa had been doing, as her eyes darted towards it.

" _Heda_ ," she said kneeling before her. " _Skaikru_ offers a gift."

The woman knew some _gonasleng_ but she was not a warrior. A trader perhaps or a healer.

Lexa was suspicious. Any gift given to her from any of the clans could be a trap. The woman seemed to realise this and removed the lid from the box. Inside was books from the _skaikru_ and information about their culture. Lexa motioned for her guard to leave her.

Lexa had mentioned to Clarke on many occassions that she wished to learn more about her people's history.

 _Our people's history_ she corrected herself. The first commander was a _skai_ person.

" _Moch of,_ " she said in reply. "Rise."

The woman seemed nervous in her presence. She was definitely not a warrior.

"What is your name?" she asked.

"Niylah," the woman replied. "I was a trader until the _skaikru_ attacked us. The chancellor asked if I would present you with a gift. Clarke suggested these items would be of value to you."

"Did she?" Lexa replied, trying to hide her amusement. "Klarke told you herself to bring them here?"

"No. She advised her mother what to send. I did not speak to Clarke."

_What was that?_

Lexa frowned at her suspiciously. She had turned away when she had mentioned not speaking to Clarke. Her expression had been one of disappointment and rejection.

"Are they treating you well in Arkadia?" Lexa asked.

She gave Niylah a sideways look as she spoke, shifting on her feet while keeping both her hands behind her back.

"Yes. They have been very kind."

"And where was your home situated before?"

" _Trikru_ just near the _Az_ _geda_ border. My father and I ran the trading post until Pike killed him."

Lexa felt some sympathy for the woman but a thought nagged at her. The trading post was in the same area where Clarke had been captured by Roan. Lexa had asked him for every detail of the situation when he was her prisoner. He had waited until late at night to apprehend her and had waited outside what it seemed was Niylah's trading post.

An uneasy thought entered her mind and she raised her head and almost sneered at the girl.

_How dare she? Did she think herself a worthy rival for Lexa herself? Did she think herself worthy of Clarke!_

Lexa would defeat her and show Clarke that she was the superior choice.

Lexa pushed the thought away. This woman wasn't a warrior and she hadn't known about Lexa's feelings for Clarke at that time. She couldn't have.

To her dismay, Lexa realised that Niylah was blameless.

_Yet she stays in Arkadia, close to Clarke._

_And she is very attractive._

Lexa stared at her, her eyes boring into the girl.

"You must've known _wanheda_ ," she staring down the woman. "She visited that trading post."

Niylah still seemed wary of her. Lexa felt confident that she would never dare to challenge her.

"I met her a few times," she said in a low voice."She was disguised."

"King Roan told me that you lied to him about not knowing her and that you also told him a lie about where she was headed. Why?"

Niylah looked frightened now.

"She defeated the mountain," the woman stated despite her fear. "My mother was taken by the mountain and I wanted to repay her."

Lexa's eyed widened wondering just how Niylah had  _repayed_ Clarke. Although she was furious, Lexa knew that this woman didn't deserve to be intimidated.

She blinked feeling a surge of guilt rising within her as she remembered that Clarke had been out there alone because of her betrayal at the mountain.

"She was - she was struggling? How did she seem to you?"

Niylah glanced up at her but Lexa avoided her gaze.

"Alone and hurt," she stated. "She had been injured with a scratch on her back when hunting a panther. When I tried to praise her for her victory on the mountain she seemed haunted by it."

Lexa felt herself faltering. She had seen how badly affected Clarke had been at Polis. Clarke had spit right in her face and had been dragged, kicking and shouting from her throne room.

She had refused to listen to reason when Lexa had offered her people into the coalition.

_Bow before you._

_You don't give a damn about my people._

_If you want the power of wanheda take it. Kill me._

_I will never bow before you._

Lexa had seen it in Clarke's eyes when she'd held a knife to Lexa's throat. She had be unable to move to stop Clarke. She hadn't be able to fight her, deciding that she would rather let Clarke kill her than hurt her again. The pain in Clarke's eyes at that moment still haunted Lexa.

_I'm sorry. I never meant to turn you into this._

The words hadn't felt enough but then Clarke had put aside her anger and bowed before Lexa for the sake of her people and Lexa had fallen even more in love with her.

The powerful _wanheda_ had kneeled at her feet and Lexa had felt a powerful desire for her in that moment. She had felt as if Clarke was the only thing in the world that mattered. She had almost forgotten to tell her to rise, content to stare, in awe of her.

Even bowing to Clarke in private and swearing fealty to her hadn't felt enough but Lexa had desperately needed to try to make things right. She had needed Clarke to know that she would not betray her again and that she truly saw Clarke as an equal.

" _Heda_?"

Lexa had become lost in her thoughts for too long.

"Thank you for answering me honestly _Niylah_ _kom trikru_. I need nothing further but please convey my thanks to _skaikru_. The gift is appreciated."

Niylah nodded and turned away. Lexa watched her leave, full of inner turmoil. She had not been there for Clarke when she had most needed her. Instead she had clearly found comfort with another.

Lexa had not known whether to thank her or to kill her on the spot. All she knew was that Clarke and Niylah had definitely been more than friends. That much was obvious. Niylah was everything Lexa was not. Homely, understated, warm.

_Did she have to be so beautiful too?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - commander  
> Wanheda - commander of death  
> Natblida - nightbleeder  
> Azgeda - Ice nation  
> Skai - skai  
> Skaiprisa - sky princess  
> Skaikru - sky people  
> Gonasleng - English  
> Moch of - thank you  
> Kom trikru - of the tree clan


	15. Love is Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke escorts Luna around Arkadia and finds out that Niylah has spoken to Lexa.

Clarke POV

"This is the recreational room. My people use it for eating meals, relaxing in and having fun."

Luna gave her a sideways glance. She was absurdly serious no matter how pleasantly Clarke acted towards her. Her presence made Clarke nervous. Though she was not Lexa's real sister it was difficult not to feel as if she was.

Clarke wondered if it was Titus that had made all the nightbloods act like this, if it had been his lessons. Lexa had been similarly stoic when they had first met but Clarke had always seen a fire behind her eyes. Though Lexa tried to appear unmoved Clarke had always seen the emotions behind her mask. She always either radiated raw power and strength or a calm wisdom.

Her body language was much more open and she seemed more comfortable being emotional than Lexa yet Luna seemed far colder than Lexa on every level, her eyes full of bitterness. She seemed an unforgiving person.

"I was surprised to know that you live _Wanheda_."

Clarke glanced up to meet her eyes. She was used to the title now but it still burned somewhere deep inside to be reminded of where it originated.

"I didn't know that you had heard of me," Clarke replied dryly.

"I had heard you captured by Lexa. I assumed that she would kill you. Lexa has always been capable of great ruthlessness."

Clarke felt anger rise within her. She pursed her lips together and raised her head higher, her eyes flashing.

"She did what she had to for her people, as I would do for mine.

"I heard what you did for your people. You murdered hundreds of people to save yours."

Clarke avoided her eyes, trying to suppress the conflicting feelings of rage and guilt that surfaced in her.

"I did what I had to," she said through gritted teeth. "Nothing more."

Luna didn't respond but stared at her as if studying her. Lexa had often done the same thing to Clarke and she wondered if this had been another of Titus's teaching, to study your opponent carefully.

"We should continue the tour. It will take a while."

Clarke could barely hide her annoyance at Luna but she knew that Lexa had once cared for her, that she had grown up with her. She was practically her sister.

_Be polite. For Lexa's sake._

_Trust Lexa's sister to be as infuriating as she is._

_But nowhere near as cute._

_I don't think she'd appreciate me calling her that._

Clarke couldn't help but smile a little at the last thought.

"This is your bedroom."

Clarke led her into the quarters, immediately glancing around. Niylah slept there. She felt a slight relief when she didn't see her in the room.

"The refugees sleep here?" Luna asked.

She had the tone of commander. Upon meeting her Clarke was even more relieved that she wasn't. Lexa had been tricky enough to negotiate with but she was smart and wise. Luna, she felt would have been much more stubborn and much less tolerant though she had no thirst for violence at least.

"Yes. There are still a few spare beds for you to choose from. I'm sure you will fin-".

Clarke's thought trailed off as Niylah entered. Their eyes met and Clarke shook her head and turned away focussing on Luna.

"You'll find it comfortable here."

_Wait the box isn't here._

Niylah had had it at the end of the bed. Clarke had taken great care to choose some of her books and pictures to put in that box. She had put in a soccer ball and some encyclopaedias as well as her old chess set.

"Did you take it to my mom?" she asked Niylah, who had been rummaging through some of her things at the side of her bed.

Niylah straightened up and glanced from Clarke to Luna and back to Clarke again.

"The chancellor asked me to deliver the items to the commander."

" _Yourself?_ " said Clarke a little too increduously.

_Oh God._

Niylah seemed surprised at her reaction.

"Yes. _Heda_ thanks _skaikru_ for their gift."

_This isn't good._

"Is that all she said?"

Niylah appeared uncomfortable now. Clarke knew that she shouldn't be addressing this now, with Luna right there but her heart was pounding. All she could picture was Lexa and Niylah in her tent and Lexa's face when she realised that they had slept together.

"She asked about my life before Arkadia."

"Anything else?"

Clarke knew that this wasn't wise but she was determined to know what they had discussed. She had to _know_.

"She asked about the trading post and if you had visited there before you were captured."

Niylah gave Luna a sideways glance as if not sure whether to trust her.

_Oh God. Oh God. Lexa definitely knows._

"And that was all?"

"No. She asked after your wellbeing during that time."

_This is not good at all._

_Well she has no right to complain. We weren't together and she had betrayed me and all._

Clarke had technically done nothing wrong but yet she still felt immeasurably concerned about Lexa knowing about Niylah. She knew how Lexa would take it.

She would be angry and then jealous and then she would start to doubt herself and feel guilty over her betrayal. She would be tormenting herself about it.

"How did she seem to you, the commander?"

Niylah didn't look too pleased and Clarke realised that she had crossed a line. She was asking her one night stand to discuss her current girlfriend with her.

" _Moba_ ," she said suddenly. "I didn't mean to press you. The _kongeda_ is very important and I want to make sure _heda_ was pleased with it."

Niylah's expression softened.

"She was polite and dismissed me. That was all."

Clarke grimaced. That was Lexa code for being deeply upset.

"Thank you," Clarke said softly.

Niylah nodded. She still looked a little hurt but she seemed okay overall. She moved towards her bed again and Clarke turned back to Luna.

"You speak our language?" Luna asked following Clarke out into the hall.

"Yes. I spent a lot of time in exile being chased as _Wanheda_. It was necessary to blend in."

"Lincoln's description of you was interesting. He said that you were one of the few people that didn't want to use violence."

"I don't," Clarke said. "We want peace."

Luna glanced at her strangely as if the phrase 'we want peace' reminded her of something else.

"Why did Titus want to kill you?" Luna asked suddenly.

_Wait. What?_

Clarke was taken aback by the question. Had Lexa mentioned something to her.

"He thought me a bad influence as an ambassador. He didn't like _skaikru_ 's influence on the coalition."

Luna eyes were still focussed on her and Clarke felt their intense scrutiny. She tried to appear natural in her responses. Giving anything away to anyone could mean trouble for Lexa as a leader.

Luna stepped closer towards her in a power move. It was another similarity she had with Lexa.

"I knew Titus for a long time. Titus would never disobey Lexa. He believed entirely in his duty. He would have given his life for it."

"Lexa still listened to his advice but she wanted to make changes. She wanted to stop the cycle of violence."

"Blood must not have blood. Indra told me that _you_ convinced Lexa to make that change."

Clarke stood her ground, refusing to be intimidated.

"Lexa made that decision. I only suggested it. Lexa is the commander. No one makes her decisions for her."

"She _is_ the commander. I could have been yet I never wanted to be. I didn't leave because I was afraid I would lose Clarke. I left because I knew I would win."

Clarke couldn't be sure if she believed her or not. She had seen how good a fighter Lexa was.

"She could've hunted me down and killed me. I know Titus wanted to. She can be ruthless but she is compassionate too."

"She is," Clarke said with a nod.

 _She is special_ , Clarke wanted to say.

"So if you think to manipulate her for your people, you will fail. Lexa is much smarter than that. She was always the smartest of us. She trained the hardest. She protected the younger ones when they were scared."

Luna seemed to be almost wistful when she talked of Lexa, as if she had missed her.

"I have no intention of manipulating her. I told you. I just want peace same as you."

Luna didn't seem to be listening, intent on warning Clarke from harming her sister.

"When I heard what Nia did, I feared for her. Lexa never dealt well with her failure."

"Neither you or I ever met Costia," Clarke said angrily. "And it wasn't her failure. The Ice Queen was the only person to blame."

Luna's expression changed and she stepped back. Clarke realised her mistake right away. Lexa rarely mentioned Costia to anyone. Few people outside of Polis knew about her.

"You care for her."

Clarke glanced around, checking no one could hear them but didn't answer.

"That's why he wanted to kill you. That's why she was so angry when I mentioned his name." Luna continued.

Clarke felt herself soften. She knew how hard it was for Lexa knowing that he was out there still. Luna didn't seem cold anymore. She seemed protective of Lexa. She clearly cared for her a great deal.

"Lexa was always his favourite but he filled her head with lies. He taught her to deny herself."

"Love is weakness," Clarke repeated showing that she understood.

Clarke glowered bitterly at the reminder of that phrase. Lexa had taught it to her after Finn's death to show her strength. In the end it had just been a way for Titus to deny Lexa her own happiness.

 _Weakness_ Lexa had said as they had  watched the last embers of fire die out on he funeral pyre. The last of Finn.

_What is? Love?_

Lexa had nodded, keeping her eyes forward.

_So you stopped caring about everyone? I could never do that._

_Then you put the people that you care about in danger and the pain will never go away. The dead are gone Clarke. The living are hungry._

"Do you believe that?"  Luna asked her.

"No," she replied in a flat tone. She met Luna's eyes fiercly. "I don't."

Luna seemed satisfied with this answer and turned back towards the room.

"Thank you, Clarke. I will rest now."

Clarke stood out in the hallway and leaned back against a wall, full of inner turmoil. Too many people were getting suspicious. Raven knew. Niylah had clearly guessed that Lexa was the person she was seeing and Luna guessed that there was something between them. She feared Lexa's reaction if she knew. Lexa wasn't known for leaving things to chance.

 _Neither am I_ Clarke thought. _I'll speak to Niylah another time. She will keep it secret and Luna only knows that there are feelings between us, nothing more._

Clarke was trying to be positive but deep down she had a nagging doubt that she wouldn't be able to keep their relationship secret for much longer. Sooner or later they would have to pay the price for it. Clarke hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanheda - Commander of death  
> Heda - Commander  
> Skaikru - Sky people  
> Moba - My apologies/My bad/Sorry  
> Kongeda - Coalition


	16. Maybe Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet back in the tent as they try to face up to their past. Clarke also gets a haircut.

Clarke actually felt nervous entering the tent this time. She drew in a deep breath before she was able to step inside.

"Your hair?" Lexa asked right away with a softness to her tone.

Clarke had asked her mother to cut it short and into a bob. Her mother had insisted that she would regret it but Clarke had wanted to. It was thick and a little wild but clean.

"Yeah. I um wanted a change."

"It makes you look like a warrior."

Lexa beamed and ran her hands through it. This was not how Clarke had expected their meeting to go.

"You like it?"

"I do," Lexa said with a nod, her hands still playing with Clarke's hair.

_She looks like a kid who's just been given a puppy. Sometimes she's adorable._

Clarke pushed the thought away. It couldn't wait. She had to deal with it.

"I heard that you spoke to Niylah."

Lexa stopped and moved her hands immediately. Anger blazed in her eyes.

"I did," she said coldly.

"I wanted to talk to you. It was only once and I was in a bad place and..."

"Don't," Lexa turned away with a hiss.

"It meant nothing. It was just one time."

Lexa turned back and gave her a look of warning.

"Clarke. I don't want to talk about it. We weren't together. I know that you had every right but I don't have to be happy about it."

Clarke nodded clasping her hands together in front of her. She looked down at the floor awkwardly.

"So we're okay?"

"Yes," Lexa said taking Clarke's hands in her own.

Clarke raised her head and met her eyes.

"It's just that I know that you sometimes get jealous."

"I don't get jealous," Lexa said quickly.

"It's okay. It's not weakness. I would be jealous if you had been with someone else."

"You know I haven't," Lexa said in a low voice. "Only you and Costia."

"I haven't been with many. Only Finn and Niylah and you and one or two people on the Ark."

Lexa flinched at the the sound of their names and the thought of Clarke's past lovers, unable to keep her jealousy hidden.

"I only want you," Clarke said soothingly.

Lexa glanced up at her. Clarke knew this side of Lexa well. She got angry and put up a wall and then Clarke reassured her and she would begin to let Clarke in again.

Clarke moved closer so that their lips were almost touching.

"You know I want you."

"I want you too Clarke," she said. "But can we please stop talking about it?"

"Sure."

This was Lexa's way of admitting that she needed time to process it. Clarke wanted to push it, to make her face it but she knew that Lexa often needed longer to confront her feelings.

At least she wasn't angry with Clarke about it.

 _Poor Niylah was lucky to escape with her life,_ Clarke mused.

"I met Luna today," she said, changing the subject.

Lexa gave her a look as if to say 'I know what you are doing but I'm going to let it go'.

"And?"

"She grilled me about you for ages. It was very awkward."

"Grilled?"

"Um - questioned me intensely."

"Oh - what about?"

"She wanted to make sure I wasn't manipulating you, that I had good intentions towards you. She also called me a mass murderer. Your sister is intense."

A slight sadness showed at the corners of Lexa's mouth.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think she cared about me any more enough to question you."

Clarke thought it better not to mention Titus given that Lexa had only just found out about Niylah.

"She definitely cares about you. She basically gave me the 'don't hurt my sister speech'. I've seen Bellamy do the same with Octavia and Lincoln. Even he's more subtle than Luna."

The corners of Lexa's lips curved up into a smile as their eyes met and Clarke smiled back. It always made Clarke happy to cheer Lexa up. Anytime she made a joke or sarcastic comment and Lexa responded positively, Clarke felt a surge of satisfaction. She loved to amuse Lexa. Clarke never saw her respond in such a way to anyone else. She sometimes felt as if she was the only person in the world who got to see Lexa smile or laugh.

"I think she cares about you Lex," Clarke said wryly, nodding at Lexa.

"It felt like she was a stranger, when we talked before. She still hates me for what I did in the conclave."

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hands tighter.

"No she doesn't. It's probably just as painful for her as it is for you."

Lexa looked at her with such vulnerability now.

"You think so?"

"Yes. She said nice things about when you were children. She said you protected the younger nightbloods."

"They would get scared at night, being without their parents. They had no one else."

A deep regret flashed in Lexa's eyes.

"You did what you had to do," Clarke said firmly.

"As did you in Mount Weather. Niylah told me you struggled."

Clarke turned away, bad memories threatening to resurface. Lexa placed one hand on the side of her face and leaned in to kiss her. Clarke sighed when she pulled back, her head lowering.

"I'm sorry," Lexa whispered barely an inch away from her lips. "I will never stop being sorry."

Clarke gave her a weak smile.

"Well at least you managed to say her name without getting jealous."

"I am not jealous," Lexa said in instant denial.

Clarke's smile broadened.

"Yes you are but it's okay. I love you."

"Well maybe you can find some way to prove to me that you are mine and only mine."

Lexa's tone was playful now. Clarke's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Yours? Is that what I am? Does that make you mine?"

By the desperate expression on Lexa's face, she undeniably wanted to be Clarke's.

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa's chest just next to her heart.

"I'm yours and you are mine."

"You might not want to say that in public and certainly not in our language," Lexa teased. "It's the words to our bonding ceremony."

Something burned in Clarke's eyes suddenly, a painful longing. Lexa recognised what it meant but it was far too soon for that. Because of her position as commander they couldn't even admit their relationship in public yet.

"Maybe someday," Lexa whispered.

Clarke relaxed and nodded at her.

"I hope so."

Lexa grinned and kissed her full on the lips. The kiss swept them both up into a state of desire and passion and it wasn't long before they were back on the floor of the tent again, enjoying each other fully.

Someday hadn't arrived yet. Who knew what event might try to tear them apart next so they decided to enjoy what moments they could today.


	17. Niron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Titus returns and Lexa finds herself in a dangerous dilemma between her head and her heart.

Lexa POV

The commander should not have even been so near to Arkadia in the first place. She had took a walk with her guard to check on Clarke. She knew she should not but some instinct inside of her had drawn her to action.

They were hunting, the _skai_ people were. Lexa watched from a distance in full commander regalia, her red shoulder cape moving in the wind. She easily kept out of sight from the group though she could see their movements well.

Clarke had covered her hair with a hood but her bright blonde hair still peeked out from underneath. Lexa understood why she had dyed her hair during her time in exile. It made her far more visible than the others.

Octavia and Bellamy were hunting with her, along with two other younger _skaikru_ that she did not recognose.

Clarke moved away from her group as she spotted the animal. She was the first to notice it. Her movements were much more practised than the others. It was clear that she was the best hunter of the group from her months of practise.

Lexa sighed. She had left her guard out of sight of the sky people. Her people were uneasy with her constant walks alone in the woods but she could take care of herself. Still she shouldn't be reckless.

Clarke disappeared from sight for a second, stealthier than she had expected her to be. Satisfied she was fine, Lexa was about to return to her camp when she spotted a hooded figure moving in the undergrowth near to where Clarke had just been. The figure seemed focussed on his target but turned to check his surroundings for others.That was when Lexa saw his familiar face.

_Titus!_

Lexa should have hesitated. She should have not intervened for the sake of her people. This land was designated for _Skaikru_ hunting only. They would see any grounder entering the territory as a clear threat to them. Lexa's head told her all of this. But her heart sent her running like a hurricane towards the figure with her swords drawn.

When she reached him, Clarke was unconscious on her side, her head dripping with blood. Titus kneeled over her with a knife ready to strike again. He had slashed at her once or twice already.

Lexa roared and struck him first, slicing him twice across his torso. Titus dodged only being slashed lightly and she whirled and knocked the knife from him. He wrestled with her, holding the two blades away from his face as Lexa tried to press them into him.

"I do this for you, _heda_ ," he told her through jagged breaths.

"No. You do it for you!"

Clarke moaned suddenly and Lexa jerked her head sideways. Titus took advantage and kicked her backwards with full force until she was on her back. She tried to catch her breath from the blow and get up to chase him but he was already gone and out of sight when she rolled over to get up.

Lexa held her bruised side and and moved quickly over to Clarke, only one of her bloody swords still in her hand, the other lying on the ground. Her eyes scanned Clarke's bodies for injuries and she brushed back Clarke's blood matted hair back from her eyes.

"Clarke? Clarke?"

She stirred but would not wake and Lexa noticed a defensive wound on Clarke's arm. She had fought Titus before being knocked out. Lexa leaned closer to smell the red soaked fabric and recognised the scent instantly.

It was a poison designed to put an opponent to sleep for an easier kill. It was a cheap way of fighting that Lexa abhorred. it was not fatal but made it's target unconscious

Lexa suddenly heard a click and knew what it was before she could react. She felt something pressing into the back of her head.

"Drop the sword!"

It was Bellamy's voice, deep and angry.

Octavia appeared beside Lexa with the other two _skaikru_. She glared at Lexa with a genuine bitterness.

"I knew that we couldn't trust you. I always knew!"

Bellamy held the gun still at the back of her head. Lexa knew that she could do nothing to help Clarke. Clarke's best option was to go back to her mother and get help. Lexa was filled with fear and worry for her. She could do nothing more. She had not been able to protect her anymore than she had protected Costia. Had Lexa got there a few seconds later Clarke would have been dead. The thought filled Lexa will immeasurable sadness.

"I said drop the weapon!" Bellamy ordered."Or I will shoot you."

Lexa dropped it and watched Octavia collect them both.

"And your daggers," he commanded.

Lexa took them out of her coat and threw them on the ground towards Octavia.

"She needs help. You should get her back to Arkadia immediately."

Lexa knew that they would not believe that she cared for Clarke but she had to try.

"Like you care! You just tried to kill her!" Octavia snapped.

"It was Titus. Clarke is still in danger. He will return."

"Get to your feet, slowly," Bellamy told her."You two help Clarke. I'll watch her."

Lexa was led back to their camp at gunpoint while Clarke's friends carried her inside. She observed the route they took. It was unguarded by her people. They would not be seen but Lexa knew what was coming next. When she didn't return to her people and they found out she was captured, Lexa would have no control over their desire for revenge. To capture their commander was an act they would not forgive though Lexa understood why they thought it the right course of action.

She watched Clarke's unmoving body as they carried her inside. Then she watched her lover disappear filled with a terrible longing to follow her as Bellamy led Lexa down a different corridor.

They led her to a small metal cell and chained her hands to a wall.

_This is not their prison she thought. It has chains on the wall like one of my dungeons although the room appears very like the rest of the ship. They don't use chains as we do. Pike built this to torture my people.  
_

To Bellamy's credit he did not move the gun from her for a second and asked another person to chain her. If he had moved an inch Lexa would have disarmed him before he could blink. Lexa had begun to understood why Clarke respected him. He was not as good as leader as she was but he was a natural guard. Maybe that was why he had been the first to realise Gustus' intentions in poisoning the cup in the early days of their alliance. Bellamy reminded her a little of Gustus in his unwavering need to protect his leader.

_And yet I killed Gustus for protecting me. Because he broke the law and put the alliance in danger._

_She could die._

_No her injuries are not that severe._

_She could be permanently injured._

_Her people will heal her._

Lexa felt sick to her stomach as her thoughts continued to return to Clarke's safety every few seconds. She closed her eyes and refocussed inhaling a deep breath.

"Will she be okay?" she asked Bellamy.

"Why do you care?" he growled narrowing his eyes.

"I do care," she told him. "I know that you don't believe that but I do. I only wish to know if she is okay."

"We'll find out when Abby has seen to her. I wouldn't like to be you if she isn't."

Bellamy's face was marred by pure anger. He obviously cared for Clarke a great deal too, though not in the same way Lexa did.

_Her people have great respect for her, the ones that are smart enough to see what she does for them.  
_

Lexa had noted that the members of The 100 that Clarke and Bellamy had led since they had arrived on Earth showed more respect for Clarke's leadership than the other members of the Ark. They saw her as their true leader when the rest of her people saw her as a child. That spoke a great deal of Clarke's ability to lead. When a people truly believed in their leader they would follow them anywhere.

Lexa had once thought to instruct Clarke as a leader. She had since realised that Clarke was a already a great leader.

_Please Clarke._

_I cannot lose you too._

 

Abby POV

Abby rushed to her daughter's side the second she was brought in the gates. She instructed her taken to the infirmary and Lexa chained and locked away. She cleaned the blood from her face and checked her vitals with deep worry. The injury did not seem too bad but until Clarke woke she would not be able to rest.

" _Beja_ ," Clarke mumbled in sleep.

Her tone sounded light and playful almost affectionate.

" _Ai laik yun_."

" _Yu laik ain_."

Abby tilted her head, listening. She knew very little _trigedasleng_ but some of the words were familiar.

" _Yun_."

" _Ain_."

" _Niron_."

Raven entered the room. She moved towards Abby slowly.

"How is she?"

Abby tried to seem reassuring but worry still gnawed at her for her daughter.

"She'll be okay. She's just taking time to wake up because of the toxin she used on the blade."

"Lexa? Are we sure it was her?"

Abby hadn't expected Raven of all people to doubt Lexa's guilt after what had happened to Finn. She turned to the girl. Raven was still so young. She thought that she knew everything about the world. Abby knew better. There was still so much that the kids didn't understand.

"She was found near Clarke holding a sword covered in blood so yes."

Abby tried not to be snappy but her daughter was wounded and bleeding again and it was hard to be pleasant when she was so tense.

Clarke was still murmouring in her sleep.

" _Yun. Ain_."

" _Ai hod yu in_."

"What is she saying?" Abby asked in frustration. "

I don't know," said Raven. "I haven't learned that much grounder yet."

"Will you stay with her. I need to check something."

"Sure."

Abby marched over to where she knew Lincoln was in his room.

"Lincoln can you translate some words for me." He seemed surprised to see her but he nodded.

"Is Clarke okay?"

"Yes," she said her jaw tensing.

"What are the words?"

" _Beja, yun, ain._ "

"Please, yours, mine."

Abby frowned, trying to work it out. Clarke had been muttering the words on and off for about an hour.

"What about _ai hod yu in_?"

Lincoln stared at her as if she'd said something strange.

"It means I love you."

Abby was beginning to feel more uneasy with each translation.

"And what does _Niron_ mean?"

Lincoln looked a little uncomfortable now.

"Lover."

"Thank you Lincoln."

He nodded in reply and Abby walked away thinking over her suspicions. It couldn't be right could it? Clarke had certainly been in a better mood than usual. Which grounder was she in a relationship with? One of the refugees?

Deep in thought, Abby almost walked straight into Niylah as she turned the corner. The woman was carrying several books and objects in a makeshift cart. She hadn't seemed able to give up her trader ways since living with them.

"Sorry Niylah."

"It is okay. I heard rumour that Clarke was injured on the hunt?" the blonde woman asked. "Is it true?"

"Yes," Abby replied suspiciously. "She will be fine."

Niylah expression of worry changed into relief. Suddenly Abby remembered that she had been at the same trading post where Clarke had been taken by Roan all those months she was in exile and it dawned on her who Clarke's secret lover may be.

_Oh Clarke._

Abby knew her daughter too well. As strong as she was she did not like being alone for too long. It was in her nature to seek company after a while and Clarke had shown an interest in both men and women before.

Abby examined the woman in front of her, wondering why Clarke hadn't mentioned it or why they were keeping it private.

 _Because it's Clarke_ she thought wryly. _She's too stubborn and headstrong and thought it for the best._

Abby vaguely remembered a girl that Clarke had brought home to dinner once that she had turned out to be dating. The relationship hadn't lasted but Clarke had insisted that they were just friends for months afterwards, even when Abby had accidentally walked in on her kissing said 'friend' in her room one day.

Clarke was notoriously secretive about her love life. Abby wouldn't have known about Finn if it wasn't for Clarke's expression when Abby had told her he was still alive. She had thought him killed by the men from Mount Weather at the time.

"Did you want to see her?" Abby asked.

Niylah eyes said that she did but she shook her head and made her excuses to leave.

_Oh Clarke._

_What have you been hiding now?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know if there's a grounder word for 'jealous'? I couldn't find one.
> 
> Skaikru - Sky people  
> Beja - Please  
> Ai laik yun - I am yours.  
> Yu laik ain - You are mine.  
> Trigedasleng - Grounder language  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you.  
> Niron - Lover/loved one


	18. Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is pushed to her limit and does something drastic while Lexa accepts her fate.

Clarke POV

Clarke awoke slowly, unaware of her surroundings. She winced at the pain in her head and on her arms. She was bandaged and cleaned and in the infirmary on the Ark. Raven and her mother were both sitting on chairs nearby, half asleep. They both straightened up when they saw her awake.

"What happened?" Clarke asked, still feeling groggy.

Her head pounded, the pain still raw. She put her hands on the back of her head and her mother noticed immediately.

"Here. I'll get you something for the pain."

Clarke's mind struggled to recall how she how gotten there. Her memories seemed to be eluding her. She glanced at Raven's face. She avoided Clarke's eyes and her eyes kept moving towards Abby.

_Something's wrong_

"Raven. What happened?"

"Don't you remember?" Raven replied trying to sound cheerful. "Geez how high were you?"

"No I don't-"

Clarke shook her head and then cut off mid-sentence as the memories returned. She had been hunting. Titus has attacked her out of nowhere. She had put her arms up and backed away from the knife slashing at her face. He had tried to slash her throat in quick successive attacks but her arms had took the brunt of it. Had her sleeves not been lined with thick material and some small metal studs she would have been much worse.

After a few seconds she had felt strange. She had no time to think but she knew she was poisoned with something.

She had dodged and fought, trying to reach her gun but she'd had double vision by then and had missed. Titus had slammed her back against her tree and knocked her head against it and Clarke had fallen to ground and blacked out before she could do anything.

"What happened to Titus?"

Her mother raised her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Titus. He attacked me. Did Bellamy shoot him?"

Clarke thought that it was the only explanation as to why she was still alive. She had been knocked out, defenceless. One of the others had to have saved her.

_There's that weird look again. What's Raven not saying?  
_

Raven suddenly made an excuse to leave. She was very quiet. Raven was never quiet unless something was up.

"Mom what's going on?"

"It wasn't Titus. It was Lexa. She betrayed us."

"What?!"

Clarke's heart started pounding and her mother noticed the change in her.

"Clarke. I know that you trusted her but she tried to kill you. She betrayed you."

"No she didn't. Titus did. Where is she? What did you do?"

Clarke knew that she was being loud now but she was getting very agitated.

"Lexa is being held in the cell that Pike had commissioned."

"The torture cell! Are you torturing her?"

"No. Not yet. Not it she cooperates. You know that I don't believe in torture."

"But you are considering letting someone else do it?"

Her mother became more stubborn as Clarke became more agitated.

"Even keeping her captive is an act of war. You have to let her go before anyone realises. How long has it been? We need a cover story. Maybe tell them that Titus attacked her and she was pursuing him. Mmm... maybe that would be enough."

"Clarke! We are not letting her go. She tried to kill you. It's too late."

Her heart felt as if it was breaking into a million pieces. They had her chained up. They were treating her like a criminal. They were risking a war.

"How could you do this? After all she has done to make the alliance work!"

"She was found kneeling over you with a bloody sword. What more proof do you want?"

_She saved me. It was her. She risked the alliance to save me. She risked everything. For me._

"It was Titus!" Clarke rushed to get out of bed, ripping the blankets from her ready to charge right to where Lexa was.

"No!"

A nearby guard suddenly blocked Clarke.

"She doesn't leave this room until I say she's ready to. Clarke you were concussed and poisoned. You have to rest."

Clarke glared at both her and the armed guard in front of her.

_If they think that I will stand by and let them do this...!_

"Please just let me talk to her."

Clarke pleaded with her but her mother knew her daughter's tactics too well.

"Do not torture her," Clarke continued. "If you do that..."

_I may never forgive you for it._

Clarke didn't finish her sentence out loud but the thought burned in her heart.

"I don't have the authority. Kane got elected last night. It's his decision."

Clarke didn't feel reassured. Though Kane was reasonable he had tortured her mother once for disobeying the rules. If he thought Lexa was holding back information he may just allow it. And she would never betray her people.

_I have to stop this!_

_Now!_

 

Lexa POV

"Tell us why you attacked. Tell us your plan. Why did you target Clarke?"

Kane was in the cell with Jaha, Bellamy and a few guards. They had questioned her intensely for what seemed like hours. She would not answer a single one of their questions about her people or change her story that Titus has attacked Clarke. It was the truth. She could not change the truth.

They were angry and likely going to execute her. She knew that their justice could be as brutal as that of her own people though they thought themselves more civilised.

"I didn't," she stated coldly. "Titus did."

"This is getting us nowhere," Jaha said moving away. "We need to be more persuasive."

He thought that he was out of earshot but Lexa had better hearing than most. She was adept at hearing the conversations that people thought she couldn't.

"Torture?" Bellamy said. "Won't that just guarantee the grounders will attack."

"Maybe it will send a message if we punish her," said Kane.

 _That is his ego_ , she thought watching them. He was badly injured by them and he is _letting his anger at what happened blind him to his actions now._

She understood their position. She wondered if she might not have been in their situation what she would have done. Lexa could not hate them yet their mistakes affected not just them but every person in Arkadia, including Clarke.

"What of Clarke?" Kane asked.

"Abby said that Clarke is awake but she is confined to the infirmary. She refuses to rest," Bellamy told him. "She insists it was Titus."

Lexa perked up at the knowledge that Clarke was okay.

 _She will not like being confined_ she thought. _She will be furious._

Kane frowned at Bellamy.

"She was concussed and would say anything to convince us to stay in the alliance. Lexa was found right over her. Why would she even be near the hunting grounds? Her story makes no sense."

Lexa agreed that it looked bad. It seemed illogical unless you knew that Clarke and Lexa's personal relationship went deeper than their political one.

 _They are definitely going to kill me_ she thought after listening to them.

_Kane has returned to leadership too early._

_He has been affected by the attack more than he will admit._

_He will lash out and convince himself that it is just_.

Lexa did not fear it but she thought of leaving Clarke and Clarke having to suffer the pain she had when Costia had died. She desperately didn't want that for Clarke.

_She is strong._

_She will survive this but her people may not and she will blame herself for their failures_.

Lexa just hoped that she may see her again to let her know that it would be okay. To tell her that the next commander would make it right.

"Torture then? Is that really what we are doing?" Bellamy asked.

"It's our only option," Jaha replied. "If she refuses to talk she should be executed to show the grounders that they we are stronger than they think."

The one they called Jaha seemed a poor leader in Lexa's eyes. How he had kept his people alive so long she did not know.

"I agree," said Kane after a long pause.

He did not seem happy with his decision he nodded towards one of the guards and they brought at a strange electric device shaped almost like a whip. Whatever it was Lexa knew that it was going to be painful.

 

Clarke POV

"Just relax Clarke." Clarke paced up and down in the infirmary eyeing her guard. Octavia, Lincoln, Niylah, Luna and Raven were all there. Her mother had no doubt thought they might cheer her up. When Octavia, Niylah and Luna had become such good friends she did not know.

"How are you okay with this?" she directed at Luna. "She's practically your sister."

"I don't use violence anymore. You know that."

"I think you're a coward," Clarke snapped. "You pretend to be all about peace but when someone needs to be rescued you sit around and do nothing."

"Why can't you accept that she betrayed you?" Octavia demanded jumping to Luna's defence."What is it about this blind loyalty you have for her?"

"It's not blind. I was there - remember?"

Clarke still paced back and forth clenching her fists. She deliberately bumped the guard as she passed. Once then twice.

"You were knocked out and bleeding! You don't know what you saw."

Clarke made eye contact with Niylah as she paced. There was a plea in her eyes saying 'don't do it'. Clarke ignored it and nudged the medical supplies off the side in front of the guard.

"Sorry. I- will you get them for me?"

The second he bent down she threw herself at him like a hurricane, pushing him against the wall in one quick charge.

She ran down the corridor at full speed. She could hear Lexa's cries of pain as she got closer.

Everyone had chased after her to try and stop her once they realised she had stolen the guard's gun. Her mother, hearing the commotion, followed as her friends chased her down the corridor.

They were too slow and Clarke arrived first. She swung open the door, pointing the gun in her left hand directly at the Kane's head.

"Back away from her - now!"

They were all shocked.

"Clarke? What are you doing?" Bellamy asked.

"Now," she yelled. "Move!"

She motioned them to move and she kneeled down over to Lexa, still pointing the gun at them. When the guard edged closer, she yelled at them to back off. By now her friends and Mother were in the cell too, not sure what to make of it.

"What are you doing Clarke?" her mother demanded. "Put the gun down. You could be arrested for treason."

"No! She didn't hurt me! I won't let you do this! I won't let you!"

"What's wrong with you?" Octavia said. "Why are you doing this?"

Clarke shook her head in defiance, tears threatening to spill. All of her worry for Lexa had transformed in rage and determination but now it was quickly trying to turn into tears.

"No! I heard what you plan to do. I won't let you kill her. You'll have to kill me first."

"Clarke," Lexa said softly.

Her voice was so full of compassion that Clarke struggled to fight back her tears. She moved to fumble with the chains while trying to keep her gun pointed at them.

Lexa gazed deep into her eyes. Those green eyes. Clarke could not keep from feeling as if she was crumbling as she met them.

"No Lexa. I won't let them," she said still determined but quickly losing that anger that was driving her.

"It's okay. The next commander will protect you. They swore fealty to _skaikru_. I made them all swear it."

"Your people will demand revenge anyway. You know that. Don't tell me they won't."

"It won't be your fault. You have not failed. Sometimes things do not work out as we plan."

No matter how she tried to keep it together Clarke's emotions were rushing to the surface. She had tried but she could not keep them contained for much longer.

Clarke unfastened her chains and caught Lexa's body as it fell limp to the floor, swinging the gun back towards the others to keep them away.

The torture had only weakened Lexa but Clarke couldn't help but feel as if she was dying, as if she _would_ die if Clarke put down the gun and let it happen.

"It's too late. Your people have already decided," Lexa murmoured.

"No no. Don't you dare give up on me."

"Do not be afraid. The next commander will protect you."

Tears rolled down Clarke's cheeks.

 _I can't. I can't lose her_.

"I don't want the next commander," she choked through her tears. "I want _you_."

Lexa's eyes lit up with something like marvel and Clarke broke down into sobs. Everyone was staring at them.

They had to understand now.

"You were right Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving."

Clarke sobbed into Lexa's chest even more, unable to keep from breaking.

"You were there to protect Clarke. That's why you were near to the hunting ground."

Bellamy was looking directly at Lexa as he spoke. Kane and the others all had expressions of shock on their face save for Raven, Niylah and Luna who had known something of their connection if not everything.

"I couldn't let Titus kill you," Lexa replied softly.

Clarke half-sobbed, half-laughed and raised her head.

"You chose me over your people?"

"As did you."

Lexa nodded towards the gun in her hand.

"Why Lexa? Why put yourself and the alliance at risk for me?"

"You _know_ why. I love you."

Clarke choked back the last of her tears and wiped her face. Lexa managed to lift herself to a sitting position.

"I love you too."

Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa's and kissed her deeply and passionately in front of everyone, no longer caring if they saw.

When she turned around she caught Kane's gaze and glared as if to dare him to try and hurt Lexa again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "We got it wrong. She's free to go."

"We had better sneak you out when you are ready. If anyone sees, they may want revenge. Night will be best. We should think of your cover story."

Lexa nodded.

"Agreed"

"Rumours of our relationship will spread after this. We will have to deal with that."

Lexa put one hand on her shoulder and gazed in her eyes. She knew what Clarke was doing, going into leader mode, focussing on the problem first. It was Clarke's way of distracting herself from the difficulty of the situation.

"Maybe you should rest first."

Clarke glared back at her.

"I'm fine."

"You're injured. We have time to rest before going back. Like you said I'll go back under the cover of darkness. You should conserve your strength."

Clarke's glare softened. She was pouting a little she knew that but Lexa knew her well.

"You know I'm right," Lexa stated raising one eyebrow.

"We're going to my room, not the infirmary," Clarke said firmly. "We can rest there."

She waited for someone to disagree, her mother or Octavia. No one did which was probably as well for them given Clarke's mood.

 _And now they all know_ she thought. _So there's no more hiding it._

"Lead the way, Clarke," Lexa said with an amused and slightly proud smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaikru - sky people


	19. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally get a moment of rest in the middle of it all as Clarke shows Lexa where she lived on the Ark.

Clarke held Lexa's hand as she marched down the corridor. She walked a little ahead of Lexa as if leading her, her held her head high, ready to challenge anyone who dared to question her. She glanced back at Lexa every now and then to check she was okay. Lexa's chest and abdomen had been cut with the electric lash. She held one arm across her chest but still stood up straight and proud as she walked, refusing to appear weak. Clarke frowned, thinking she would clean the wounds as soon as she reached her room.

"In here," she motioned.

Clarke's room was a small metal box. There was one small bed and a glass pane that was covered with makeshift curtains. Her drawings were pinned to the wall and there were some drawings marked directly onto the floor.

"This was your room in space?" Lexa asked, her eyes moving around the room.

"Yes. Sit on the bed. Let me see to those wounds."

A small smile formed on Lexa's lips. Clarke was all business when it came to tending wounds. Her tenacity amused Lexa greatly.

"You drew the Earth?" she asked observing the markings on and drawings around her.

"I drew what I dreamed of. That was my window. I could see the Earth from it. Most of it was from pictures I'd seen in books."

Lexa was watching her intently as Clarke forced her shirt off and scrambled for her medical supplies. She cleaned the wounds and Lexa winced at the pain once the strange chemical touched her skin.

"Sorry," Clarke mumbled. "It'll sting for a bit."

Lexa's gaze was still upon her.

"You drew me. Did you dream of me?"

"Sometimes," Clarke said with a touch of humour in her voice. "Some of them weren't safe for me to draw."

"I bet."

Their eyes met and they both smiled at each other. Clarke turned away and ripped some material from her medical supplies. She wrapped the bandages around her chest and abdomen with deft, strong hands.

Once Clarke was finished she sat down next to Lexa on the bed. Lexa could sense that she was still worried about the retaliation for her kidnap. Despite her humour, she was still on edge.

There was a gentle knock on the metal door and Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other.

"It's probably my mom. Come in."

It was her mother. She hovered in the doorway awkwardly.

"I came to check your injuries," she said to Lexa "but I can see that my daughter's beaten me to it."

"I've had worse," Lexa stated dryly. "I'll be fine."

"We need to think about what you are going to say to Indra and your people," Clarke said, the worry showing clearly on her face.

"Let me worry about that. For now, we should rest."

Abby met Lexa's eyes with a knowing look. They both knew that Clarke was still highly agitated about the situation and charged with adrenaline.

"We need to discuss this. It's too important. Your people could already know that you are here."

"They don't. They would've have attacked by now if they knew."

"Lexa's right," her mother said quietly. "You should both rest. You need to heal."

"She has to leave tonight or-"

"I will come and wake you both when it's time," her mother interrupted.

Clarke pouted and was about to answer back when Lexa took her hand and turned her to face her, their eyes meeting.

"We only have a few hours to rest. A tired leader makes poor decisions."

Clarke nodded silently, lowering her head a little so that she and Lexa were very close. She remembered her mother was still there and turned away with a guilty expression.

Her mother didn't seem angry at the relationship though she expected she would insist on talking about it with her at some point.

"Goodnight Clarke. Goodnight - Lexa."

"Goodnight Abby," Lexa nodded, not sure what formal title to use for her now.

Clarke sighed as her mother closed the door. They sat there in silence for a moment letting their minds rest from the day's events.  

"The light in here is quite bright," Lexa noted suddenly

Clarke smiled, watching Lexa's eyes scan the room disapprovingly.

 _She misses her candles._ _She put enough in my room to light up half the ark._

Clarke got up and dimmed the light.

"Better?"

"Yes."

Clarke began to undress and she felt Lexa watching her. She saw the commander gulp and turn her head to the side. Lexa began to work to remove her own clothes but her wounds made her move more slowly than usual.

"Here," Clarke mumbled, rushing over to help her.

" _Mochof_."

Clarke smiled at her. She really _was_ tired. Lexa often lapsed back into grounder language when she was very fatigued.

Clarke pulled back the covers and they both climbed into bed with Lexa facing towards the door.

"This will be the first time that we both fall asleep together," Lexa noted.

"I know," Clarke whispered, shuffling closer to her. "Although you did fall asleep once afterwards."

"Can you blame me? You have a lot of stamina, Clarke."

 Clarke smiled to herself and put one arm around Lexa's waist, careful to avoid her wounds. Their bodies were pressed against each other, sweet and warm and Clarke placed a couple of tender kisses on the back of Lexa's neck. Neither of them spoke for a while enjoying the comfort of each other. It was Lexa who broke the silence.

"I would have a bonding ceremony with you one day," Lexa whispered very quietly.

Clarke smiled again but did not move or open her eyes.

"Marry. That's the word in my culture."

Clarke shuffled getting completely comfortable.

"And I would say yes," she continued. "But it's a bit early for that yet."

"Definitely," Lexa murmoured.

Clarke nuzzled into the back of Lexa's neck and shoulders and felt Lexa's hand creep over her own, holding it in place around her stomach.

They fell asleep together, warm and happy for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mochof - Thank you


	20. Parting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa parts ways for a while and Lexa decides that it's time to be honest with Indra. Clarke gives Lexa a parting gift as a promise to see her again.

Abby POV

Abby opened the door to Clarke's room and stepped inside ready to wake her daughter and the commander. She stopped when she saw them. Lexa was on her side facing towards the door. She seemed so young when she slept. It was sometimes too easy for Abby to forget that she wasn't much older than Clarke. Her daughter was wrapped around Lexa as close as she could get to her. They both looked so peaceful for a moment that Abby didn't want to wake them.

"Clarke!" she said loudly.

Her daughter woke quickly and lifted her head in confusion.

She glanced down at the sleeping girl in her arms and then back up at her mother and moved apart from Lexa.

"Is it time?"

"Yes," Abby replied.

Clarke frowned and Abby realised that she really didn't want Lexa to leave.

"I'll leave you two to get dressed," she told Clarke.

Her daughter nodded in reply, still sleepy and Abby left the room wondering just how she had missed the clear connection between them.

_How was I so wrong about this?_

_Why didn't I see it?_

 

Lexa POV

"It's time."

Clarke's voice was the first thing she heard when she awoke. Her lover's hand was on her shoulder shaking her gently. Lexa turned and sat up in the bed.

_It feels too soon she thought._

_I'm going to have to lose her again already._

The neutral tent would be out of the question after Titus. Even Clarke would not argue it. She would not take further risks after what had happened.

They dressed in silence, both aware that their moment was coming to an end now. Clarke had calmed from the earlier events of the day. It almost felt like it had been days ago not hours.

Lexa watched her worried expression. Once they were dressed they both sat beside each other on the bed. They knew that they had to move soon but Lexa could sense Clarke's concern.

_It has just hit her, the consequences of what she did to save me._

"What are you going to tell your people?" Clarke asked facing Lexa.

"The truth in part. I will say I followed Titus and he attacked you. I defended you and was injured and your people took me back to your camp while my injuries healed."

"Will they believe that?"

"They'll have questions but it's a plausible story."

Clarke seemed unusally subdued. "We can't meet in the neutral area anymore?"

Lexa turned to face her, a deep longing stirring within her. She brushed Clarke's hair back from her face.

"No."

Clarke nodded silently. She had known it already but it still bothered her.

"We will see each other again soon, I suppose," Clarke muttered.

"I will stay until Titus is caught. After that I will soon be able to lift the blockade and return my army to Polis."

Clarke turned away from her and Lexa felt a deep need to reassure her.

"Before I leave, I will arrange to meet you here in Arkadia. I won't leave without seeing you again."

Clarke glanced at her and gave her a weak smile. Her eyes were full of sorrow and regret.

_Please don't look at me like that._

_I can't bear it._

_You know that this is the way it has to be._

"When it's all settled, I will convince Kane to rejoin the alliance. I will return to Polis to settle things with the other clans. Then I can reinstate you as ambassador and you can return to Polis."

Lexa tried to show her that there was hope, that she needn't be sad but Clarke still looked immeasurably sad. She put both her hands on either side of Clarke's face and leaned closer.

"We will be together. I promise. Trust me."

Clarke gazed back at her sheepishly now. She nodded slowly.

"I do trust you Lexa. I'm just going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too _skaiprisa_."

They gazed at each other examining each other and Clarke touched Lexa's face with searching fingertips. They rushed forward and hugged each other tightly. When they pulled apart they kissed, a deep, lingering kiss and Lexa brushed Clarke's hair back again.

"We better go," Clarke said, sounding more determined now.

"Lead the way, Clarke."

They got up to leave but Clarke stopped at the door and turned back.

"Wait."

Clarke unfastened the device around her wrist and swapped it to Lexa's wrist.

"This was my father's watch. It's a technology which measures a full day and night. It doesn't work but it's all I have left of him."

Clarke's fingertips lingered on Lexa's wrist even once it was fastened. Lexa glanced down at it and back at Clarke.

"You don't need to give me this gift."

"I'm not. It's a promise. You'll keep it safe until I return to you, which I will."

Lexa was filled with adoration for her.

_This device means a lot to her._

_I have never seen her take it off._

Lexa leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you. I will protect it with my life."

"Don't do that," Clarke joked in a low voice. "I would choose you over this if it came down to it."

Lexa raised her head in agreement and they set off down the corridor with joined hands.

 

Clarke POV

When they got to the secret tunnel exit, Kane and Octavia were both waiting. Octavia glared at them as soon as she saw them. She was no doubt there to lead Lexa out. Clarke saw Lexa immediately straighten herself ready to speak to Kane.

 _She's going into commander mode_ she thought.

_How does she switch so fast?_

_Do I do that?_

"Chancellor," Lexa said in greeting. "Octavia."

Octavia sneered at her. "I am only helping you because I've been ordered to. Don't think for one minute that it means that I trust you because I don't."

Lexa as always was unfazed but Clarke couldn't help but feel angry at Octavia's reaction.

"I just want to apologise again for the misunderstanding," said Kane carefully. "I hope that this doesn't hurt our chances at making peace."

"We want the same things Chancellor. My offer still stands. Accept me as your commander and I will allow the _skaikru_ back in our alliance."

"Why would we want to follow you!" Octavia demanded.

Clarke glared at her in warning. Lexa just raised her eyebrows.

"I should go," Lexa said softly. "The longer I remain here the greater the risk of an attack mounting."

Clarke nodded and put her left hand behind Lexa's head to guide her into a farewell kiss. Lexa leaned in too and their lips met allowing them a final taste of each other.

They clasped their hands on the inside of each others arms. It was a grounder gesture of respect, used by leaders and warriors to either greet or say farewell. The last time they had done it, they had ended up sleeping together for the first time. The gesture brought back sad but pleasant memories.

"May we meet again," Lexa said with a note of sadness in her voice.

"May we meet again."

Clarke had to hold back her tears and Lexa seemed to be struggling too. Eventually they let go of each other and Lexa turned towards the tunnel. Octavia wore a disgruntled expression but she just turned and headed down the tunnel. Lexa glanced back at her once last time and then left. Kane replaced the panel quickly. Clarke just stared at it. .

_There she goes._

_Who knows how long it will be before I see her again._

"Clarke?"

She met Kane's eyes.

 _It's your fault she wanted to say_ but she knew that it solve nothing.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wouldn't have done it had I known how you felt about her."

He was trying to give her a genuine apology, she knew that but Clarke couldn't forgive him yet. Not when she was so full of emotions at saying goodbye to Lexa.

"You don't know how I feel about her," Clarke replied. "You have no idea."

She stormed away, determined not to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

 

Lexa POV

The tunnel was small. Octavia seemed to have no difficulty with it and moved at great speed. Lexa greatly disliked the tight space but she pushed the feeling aside and focussed on her task. Once outside Lexa studied her surroundings. She knew where she was.

"There. I did my job. I trust you can find your way from here."

Lexa was about to thank her but the girl had already climbed back in the tunnel.

_Clarke does not see it but that girl could be dangerous one day if her loyalties change._

Lexa let the thought go but Octavia always troubled her. She knew warriors like her. They questioned everything their leaders did, thinking that they could do better but when they finally got their chance to be leaders, it weighed on them too heavily and they became too cold, ruling with strength alone. They became too extreme.

Lexa secretly always kept her eye on Octavia though she respected the _skai_ girl. As long as she was loyal to _skaikru_ it wasn't a problem but Lexa would be very cautious is Octavia ever tried to challenge for leadership.

Lexa travelled back towards her people and was soon within sight of her camp and people. Her wounds began to hurt with the exercise. She forced herself to stay strong and fight through the pain but when she returned to camp it was clear that she was injured and Indra and a small group rushed towards her. Lexa had allowed her bandaged wounds to show before setting off realising that it would be necessary to make her story believable.

"What happened?" Indra asked rushing to her side in concern.

"Titus," she said in a flat tone. "I'm fine."

"He defeated you?" Indra said in disbelief.

"No he didn't. He used the sleeping poison. I injured him and he ran. The poison rendered me unconscious and _skaikru_ found me and tended to my wounds."

Lexa turned to her guards.

"Send warriors to search for him. Post more guards around the camp and around Arkadia. Double all of our defences. He will be found and punished."

Indra glanced at her as if she didn't quite believe her but the story convinced her other warriors. They rushed to carry out her orders and Indra took Lexa to her tent. Once inside she rested on her bed. The wounds were stinging. The strange metal device on her wrist felt strange under her sleeve. Lexa's found herself twisting her wrist occassionally to make it feel more comfortable.

"Where were you attacked?" Indra asked. "Titus may still be nearby."

"Near the _skaikru_ hunting grounds," she said. "He will be gone now."

Indra was staring at her. Lexa could almost feel her confusion.

" _Heda_. It is unwise to keep doing this, leaving your guard and walking alone."

"It won't be happening again."

"Why where you even near to the hunting grounds?"

_Here goes._

Lexa did not want to lie any more, not to Indra. She opened her eyes but did not face her. She stared ahead, thinking about her unique situation with Clarke.

"Because Clarke was there and I saw Titus following her."

"Clarke can protect herself. Why would you risk facing Titus alone? Why would you risk being captured by _skaikru_?"

Lexa sighed.

"Because it was Clarke and because I love her and because she is my _niron_. That is why Titus wants her dead."

Lexa turned to look into Indra's eyes. She looked as shocked as if Lexa had slapped her.

"I could not let her die," she continued. "I am the commander. My people come first. She has always known this. I betrayed her on the mountain to save my people. I have given up my own needs for my duty as I always will but I cannot stop loving her."

Indra looked down at the ground as if processing what she was saying.

"She is the enemy. Whatever your feelings you cannot forget that?"

Lexa stood up and faced her.

"Like Octavia is your enemy? You do not take your own advice."

Indra did not respond. Lexa knew that her observations were correct. Indra cared about Octavia almost as if she was her own child. The bond between a warrior and their second could be strong.

She remembered Anya's harsh lessons. At times she had trained Lexa so hard she had thought she hated her but Anya had done it all for Lexa's benefit, to make her a better warrior. Lexa missed her wise advice and her protective presence.

After Costia, Anya had been one of the only voices to get through her sadness.

_The dead are gone, the living are hungry. You have a duty._

She wondered if Anya would approve of her actions now. What would she say of Clarke?

"The people of Arkadia know about our relationship," Lexa told Indra. "Clarke turned a gun on her own people to protect me. Hopefully word of it won't reach my people for a little while longer yet."

"I have heard no rumours," Indra said. "I will make sure no one is found spreading the story."

" _Mochof_. I told you first because I trust your counsel but I have no desire for anyone else to learn of it just yet."

Indra still looked concerned.

"Has there been further news of Ontari or the other nightblood?"

"No, _heda_. I will tell you as soon as there is."

"Thank you."

Indra left and Lexa lay down on her bed to rest. She fumbled with the watch keeping it hidden under her sleeve. She would not take it off until Clarke and her were together.

Lexa wished that she was still in Clarke's bed, with her arms around her. It had been glorious to fall asleep with her and to wake up beside her. She wanted to every night. That was the problem with love. It was addictive. The more moments she got with Clarke the more she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaiprisa - sky princess  
> Skaikru - sky people  
> Skai - sky  
> Heda - Commander  
> Niron - lover/loved one  
> Mochof - Thank you


	21. Everyone Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets grilled by almost everyone. Octavia is furious with her and Luna expresses a suprise interest in one of the 100.

Clarke POV

Everyone stared at her when she walked over to sit down. She had avoiding eating with the others for this reason. Word had spread quickly around Arkadia about her and Lexa. She didn't care what they thought about it not really but she wished that they would stop staring at her everywhere she went.

A guard followed her almost everywhere now. With Titus still on the loose one even stayed outside her room each night.

"Hey." Raven greeted her warmly.

"Hey," she replied.

Bellamy gave her a sideways glance. Clarke ignored it.

"Has she gone?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "Last night. She has a cover story so there won't be any retaliation."

"That's assuming she won't betray us again."

 _He still doesn't trust her but least they're not grilling me_ she thought wryly.

Suddenly she saw Octavia, Niylah and Luna coming over and she groaned.

"Uh oh the ex is coming over," Raven whispered.

She said it a bit too loud and Bellamy raised his eyebrows.

"You better not mean my _sister_."

"Niylah," Clarke corrected. "And it was once and it's no one's business so don't say a word."

Bellamy seemed amused but she knew that he wasn't going to say anything.

The three girls sat down and Clarke felt extremely uncomfortable. Niylah avoided eye contact but Luna seemed to be staring at her.

_Can't she give up the staring for a second?_

"Has she returned to her camp?" Luna asked.

"Yes."

_Is everyone going to ask me the same questions today?_

"How long have you been together?" Luna asked calmly.

Clarke glanced at Niylah. She did not want to answer these questions in front of her.

"It's ok Clarke. I will not break because you talk about her. We are not together."

Clarke frowned and turned away.

_Well that's everyone aware of that relationship too now._

She didn't believe that Niylah was completely happy about it but she couldn't not talk about Lexa any more especially if people were going to keep talking to her about it.

"It's complicated. We grew close when we were working together to defeat Mount Weather. She kissed me just before the mountain fell."

Clarke felt a familiar pang of pain when she thought about what happened next.

"Then I didn't see her again until Prince Roan captured me and we spent time together in Polis."

Octavia scoffed. "Now I know why you kept _defending_ her."

"I defended her because I understood her choices."

"Is that why you were really late that day? I waited for you in Polis and you never came. I gave you an hour to say goodbye."

_She has a right to be angry about that but I would do it again._

"I still returned to Arkadia. I still chose my people."

Octavia shook her head.

"Not before you had sex with the enemy. Not before-"

"You had sex with the enemy too!" Clarke yelled, beginning to lose her patience.

"That was different. That-"

"Why? Because it was you? You're allowed and I'm not!"

Everyone in the entire room could probably hear them now.

"It's different. You're the one that everyone turns to. You-"

"Except when things go wrong and then you get to put all the blame on me for all of your problems."

Octavia was about to reply but Clarke refused to let her speak before she'd said her piece. She was sick of being Octavia's scapegoat everytime things didn't work out the way she wanted.

"Everything I've done has been to keep us safe. I never ask for anything for myself but I won't let you make me feel guilty for this. I had to say goodbye to her. I had to go into that room and look her in the eyes and tell her that I was leaving her when I loved her. I had no idea if I would even see her again."

_Just like now._

"You had to say goodbye for all that time? She must be really good Clarke for you to choose her over your own people."

"O-" Bellamy warned.

"What do you want me to say!" Clarke yelled, a rage rising within her. "I love her. I loved her before the mountain and I love her now. It might have been our only time to be together. What if it had been Lincoln? Would you have done differently?"

Octavia stood up and picked up her tray.

"It's not the same and you know it. You two deserve each other."

Clarke wondered how long Octavia was going to hate her for this time. She watched her storm away and out of the room, feeling a mixture of anger and regret.

"She'll come around. She'll calm down," Bellamy said reassuringly.

Clarke sighed and played with her food.

"Bellamy, you and I both know that she holds grudges for a long time. It'll be next Unity Day before she calms down."

"I'll go and talk to her." Bellamy got up and followed her.

There was an awkward silence between the three women still sat there. Niylah caught her eye. She was looking at Clarke with sympathy. It had been that sympathy that had urged Clarke to seek comfort with her. Clarke pushed away the memory.

"I was not with Lexa when I met you," Clarke said. "I would never do that."

"Not intentionally anyway," Raven added clearly referring to Finn and their love triangle.

Clarke gave a her look.

_Really? You bring that up now Raven?_

"I know Clarke. You don't have to explain. We don't choose who we love."

Niylah had finished her food at an alarmingly quick rate and stood up to go. She politely excused herself and Clarke felt almost relieved when she left.

"You're not having the best day are you Griff?" Raven joked.

Clarke glanced at her with a slight smile forming.

"Not really no."

"What's up?" she teased. "Missing commander hearteyes already?"

Clarke shook her head but she was very glad for Raven's humour to lighten the mood.

"It's only been a few hours Raven."

"You _are_ missing her. Secretly you're kinda sweet Griff? A total badass but sweet."

"Not quite as badass as Raven Reyes."

Raven grinned and pointed her fork at her.

"Don't you ever forget it. I better get back to engineering. You know they can't cope without me."

"Obviously."

Raven left and Clarke stared down at the food she'd been playing with.

"You risked a lot saving her yesterday," Luna said quietly.

_Can't I just eat my dinner in peace? Do I have to go over every detail with everyone?_

Clarke tried to keep her patience.

"I'm sorry I called you a coward. I was - upset."

Luna's large lips curved into a reluctant smile. Her face was framed with long, chestnut waves of hair.

"Maybe I was. I am glad Lexa is not alone. She deserves to be cared for, as do you."

Clarke smiled gratefully. It was nice to hear that someone actually approved of their relationship.

"Few people see the real Lexa," Luna continued. "She is an amazing person underneath all that war paint."

"She is," Clarke agreed.

"What happened to the device on your wrist? You usually wear it everyday."

_Titus taught those nightbloods to be very observant. Or was it Anya that taught them that._

"I gave it to Lexa for safe keeping."

"Until you see her again?"

Clarke nodded trying not to let her emotions show. Luna reached out a hand and gripped Clarke's wrist.

"You will see her again. She will make sure of it."

Clarke caught her gaze grateful for her words and Luna retracted her hands.

"Tell me. Is your friend Raven always like that?"

"Not always. It's a defence mechanism. She's er - she's been through a lot and it helps her to joke about it."

Luna smiled and Clarke started actually eating the food she'd been playing with.

"I can tell. Does she have a partner?"

Clarke could've choked on her food.

_Is she asking if Raven's single?_

"I don't think so. She - she lost someone. Finn. Lexa demanded his death for his actions."

"Blood must have blood," Luna said with great sadness. "I am glad Lexa has seen that it does not work."

"Me too."

Luna seemed far away in her thoughts and Clarke didn't press her on it. That was one good thing about the grounders. They appreciated peace and quiet. Her own people would rather fire questions at her for hours. Clarke much preferred the former.

 

Later that day Clarke was returning to her room when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Clarke. So you and the commander. That was a suprise."

Clarke wheeled back on herself hearing Monty's voice down the corridor.

_Am I never going to get a moment alone she thought bitterly._

She was desperately tired but she turned back. Monty was carrying some computer equipment in his arms.

"Apparently so," she replied, exhasperated. "Word sure travels fast on the Ark. It's all anyone has talked to me about all day."

Monty seemed cheerful but Clarke knew that Jasper's recovery was still slow and it was deeply affecting him. He wasn't one for talking about his pain. Clarke wanted to ask him how Jasper was doing but she thought better of it.

"That must be annoying. As long as you invite me to the wedding I'm happy for you," he joked. "I'll even make you some moonshine for it."

Clarke grinned.

"A lot of drunk grounders stuck in one room with our people. I don't think that would be wise."

"Probably not but it would be fun. Well I'll be seeing you. I better get this stuff back to Raven or she'll float me. She hates when I borrow her stuff. Later."

Clarke felt better suddenly knowing that not everyone hated her for being with Lexa.

_Maybe now I can finally get some rest she mused. Today has been a very long day._

She got into her bed and shuffled towards where Lexa had been sleeping. The pillow smelled of her hair. Lexa handmaiden's washed her hair with numerous sweet scents and always braided it neatly each day. Lexa always smelled as if she'd just stepped out of the forest, like rich berries and sweet wildflowers. Clarke nuzzled into the spot wishing that the real thing was there.

The last thought she had before falling into a deep sleep was that she might never wash the particular pillow ever again.


	22. Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Kane agree to start peace proceedings with a formal ceremony and Clarke has a heart to heart with her mother.

Lexa POV

"It will require a formal ceremony," Lexa stated. "My people will need to see you bow before me."

"I understand," Kane replied.

It had been a week since she had seen Clarke. Titus was still missing, surely licking his wounds. It still concerned her that they had still not apprehended him. The neutral tent had been removed and Lexa had instructed Indra to sneak Kane into Lexa's tent for the meeting, ordering certain patrols in other directions as he travelled there to keep his presence secret. He had just one armed guard named Miller with him standing protectively behind him.

After much discussion Kane had agreed to bow before her in a formal public ceremony witnessed by both _skaikru_ and her army. Lexa laid out all the formal details and the whole meeting was fairly amicable.

As it drew to a conclusion Lexa felt an overwhelming need to ask about Clarke. She tried to ignore it, telling herself it wasn't the time but the more she thought of the ceremony which Clarke would surely attend, the more she worried that Titus would take it as an opportunity to make his point about her known.

Ontari was also still running around causing trouble. She had sacked and overtaken a village with her defectors not far away. The story was that almost the entire shadow valley clan had been destroyed. Lexa had recovered only a handful of survivors before Ontari could capture them.

"Chancellor, there must also be extra protection for the ambassador during the ceremony."

Kane glanced at her curiously and Lexa could feel Indra's gaze burning into the back of her head.

"Titus is still missing and Ontari is still a threat. Either of them may try to stop the ceremony. Her safety must be ensured."

"I will make sure that she is well protected during the whole event."

_How is she? Is she well? Does she talk of me?_

Lexa ignored the questions that burned in her heart knowing that she could not voice them. Knowing that Clarke would be well protected would be enough but Lexa would be watching her carefully at the event even so. She would not let Titus injure her again.

"How is Clarke since the attack?" asked Indra suddenly.

Lexa's whole body stiffened. Clearly Indra had noticed her concerns. She had to remember to hide her emotions a little better and to practise the control that she had been taught. Kane raised one eyebrow as he responded. He wore an open but thoughtful expression.

"Very well. Though she is not happy about the guard that is following her around day and night."

 _I bet_ , Lexa thought, trying to hide a proud smile.

"Tell her that I am glad she has recovered from her injuries."

Kane nodded with a slight smile. They exchanged formal farewells and Lexa turned away deep in her thoughts.

"Thank you," she said to Indra without looking at her.

"I still do not think it's wise-"

Lexa faced her defensively, ready to meet any challenge she had. Indra met her eyes.

"But I know that you care for her."

"As you do Octavia."

"Not in the same way I suspect," Indra replied dryly.

"I imagine not."

_What should I wear? I will need to look the part. I must instruct my handmaidens of the importance of this event._

Lexa knew that as _heda_ she had to appear powerful in front of her people. She rarely cared much for appearances herself but in the preparations before Clarke had bowed to her as _Wanheda_ , Lexa had felt strangely insecure about her appearance.

Usually Lexa was confident in ceremony. When she been preparing for that ceremony she had been overprepared this time, choosing the correct music, making sure the throne room looked right, choosing the perfect dress. 

She had wanted it to be as as good as possible for Clarke. Clarke had put a knife to her throat just hours before and after Lexa's betrayal, she knew that she was going to have to work hard to prove herself ever deserving of Clarke again.

_If I ever could be._

Clarke's dress that night had been divine. Lexa was always moved by her beauty but that time she had actually felt physically weakened just from the sight of her. Clarke had practically strolled down towards her, with a incredible amount of confidence. Her sunshine hair had been braided and tied back from her face, her brilliant blue eyes were masked behind blue-black paint. Her hips had swayed from side to side, the curves of her body proudly on display beneath the dark dress. Lexa became suddenly lost in sexual yearning at the thought of that day.

She would have done anything that day to be able to kiss her, to have taken her to her bed and lose herself in that desire. She had been forced to just stand there and watch secretly thinking that Clarke was a little cruel to do this to her even though Lexa had chosen Clarke's dress herself for the ceremony.

_How do she do this to me? It's only been a week and I'm consumed with thoughts of desire for her._

 

Clarke POV

The blonde hurried towards Kane as soon as he was in the gates. She had waited for what seemed like forever for him to return.

"What did she say? What happened? How is she?"

Kane laughed.

"At least let me get inside."

Clarke turned away in disappointment and followed him silently into the Ark, her eyes burning into the side of his head.

Once inside Kane addressed Abby and Jaha.

"I must bow in a public ceremony and swear fealty then the blockade will be over and we will rejoin the alliance."

"And that's it?" Jaha asked. "It's over then?"

"Yes."

Clarke felt conflicted at the news.

She was immeasurably happy that her people were going to be safe. That was the main thing but ending the blockade meant Lexa leaving. It could be months before she could return to her. As Lexa had said things would have to settle in Polis.

Clarke knew that the nature of leadership was that any new problem usually could and would occur at any time. Peace never lasted for long.

"There was one other request," Kane stated.

Clarke met his eyes suddenly thinking the the worse.

_What else could she need?_

"She wanted the _skaikru_ ambassador to be protected at all times during the ceremony. Because of Titus and Ontari."

Clarke smiled. It was so like Lexa to be so protective.

Her mother met her eyes suddenly. There was a question in them. Clarke had expected her to be the first one to question her about their relationship but she had been oddly silent on the subject. Clarke sensed that her silence was going to last any longer.

"We better start with the preparations," her mother said. "We should explain the process to our people so that there is no backlash."

"Everyone's well-fed," Clarke advised. "But sick of the blockade now. I don't think there'll be many complaints. Most people just want it to be over with."

_I want it to be over. Except Lexa will leave._

"Maybe we can invite the commander to visit Polis before the ceremony" said her mother. "To make sure that she is satisfied with the details beforehand."

Clarke caught her mother's gaze. She knew what she was doing. Kane nodded.

"I'll send word to Indra."

They discussed a few more points about the situation before wrapping up the meeting. Everybody moved to leave but before Clarke could exit her mother asked her to stay.

_Damn. Here comes the talk._

Clarke faced her mother with an stance of defiance expecting a grilling or a warning.

"Will you go with her, afterwards?"

Clarke blinked. Her mother looked more sad than angry. She immediately softened her approach.

"Not right away," she said in a low voice. "It could be a while before Polis is settled enough for me to return. Lexa will have to smooth things over with the other ambassadors."

Her mother nodded once in understanding but her jaw was tense and her eyes burned with unspoken words.

"I'm happy for you Clarke, a little shocked at your choice but happy. I'm sorry if I didn't show you that earlier."

Clarke nodded repeatedly, resisting the strong emotions that threatened to surface.

"I'm glad. I didn't want to lie but I had to protect the alliance. I had to protect Lexa. It would have undermined her position. It still could."

"That won't be your _fault_. You don't _choose_ who you love."

Clarke looked at her with tears in her eyes. They hugged and she felt grateful for her mother's understanding. Despite their history, Clarke knew that her mother had only ever tried to protect her. She could never hate her even after what happened with her father.

When they separated,her mother brushed the tears from her cheeks and smiled warmly.

"You will see her again soon. I'm sure she won't stay away for long."

Clarke laughed and wiped away her tears.

"You don't know her. She takes her duty very seriously. She can ignore her own wants for years."

"Just like you. Maybe that's why you are both so well suited."

Clarke gave her a look of surprise. Acceptance was one thing, praise seemed another thing entirely.

Her mother raised her eyebrows.

"Oh come on Clarke. I have eyes. I saw how you two looked at each other when she had to leave. When I came to wake you that day, you were holding onto her as if she was the only thing in the world. She looks remarkably more vulnerable without her warpaint."

Clarke smiled and avoided her eyes, sweet memories of Lexa flooding her thoughts.

"Yes she does. She's kind of adorable," Clarke joked. "Terrifying sometimes but adorable."

"I suppose you would have to be terrifying to lead an entire army of grounders."

Clarke felt as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders. Only Octavia and Jasper seemed to take issue with her relationship.

Jasper had passed her one day when she had been talking to Monty and had mocked their relationship. Her being around him seemed only to remind him of what she had done, of Maya's death and she couldn't really blame him. If he had murdered Lexa she wouldn't have ever forgiven him either. She knew that she could have no forgiveness from him.

 _Do I even deserve it?_ she thought sadly. _After what I did._

Despite the sad memory she felt excited and a little happier knowing that she would see Lexa soon.

_At least now there will be peace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaikru - sky people  
> Heda - commander  
> Wanheda - commander of death


	23. Commander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa visits Arkadia with Indra and Lexa show her dominant side when she realises that Clarke is feeling vulnerable. 
> 
> This one is NSFW. It got a bit more sexual than I had planned but I regret nothing.
> 
> That said. I am trying to get better. I have far less experience writing porn than romance so I'll try to keep improving on that.

Lexa felt excited, ridiculously excited, like in the moments before a battle. Lexa was greeted by Kane and Clarke as soon as she entered Arkadia. The blonde's eyes shone with mutual excitement as they met hers. Lexa glanced towards her every chance she got, taking in the contours of her body and a few times she caught Clarke eyes drop down to her chest and then lower and then back to her eyes.

They could barely contain theirselves. Had Indra and Kane and the people of the ark all not been there as well they may have just had sex right then and there. Lexa could barely concentrate on Kane's formal words of greeting, immensely distracted by Clarke's presence.

Luckily Lexa had mastered the art of still listening while distracted through many boring meetings during her time as _heda_.

"So Clarke will give you the formal tour. I take it she won't need her guard for a few hours."

"He can be dismissed," Lexa said, giving him a formal nod.

Kane motioned towards her guard and he left without a word.

"Indra will speak to you about all the details for the ceremony."

Their eyes had not left each others since the moment they had seen each other. Lexa was beginning to feel very hot suddenly under the blonde's hungry gaze.

"Leave us," Lexa commanded waving at them.

Kane and Indra glanced at each other. Lexa knew that Kane would feel strange being dismissed like her other subjects but that's what he would soon be and Lexa knew that he would not argue. Indra and Kane left and headed towards the ark without questioning her.

The lovers both stared at each other, just the two of them enjoying the sight of each other. Clarke stepped forward first with a smile.

"Are you ready for your tour commander?" she asked in a husky voice.

"Very ready," Lexa murmoured in reply.

Clarke grinned and Lexa bit her lip to stop herself from grinning back. They walked side by side towards the Ark.

"Where are you taking me first?" Lexa asked in a playful tone.

She turned towards Clarke. Clarke looked down and smiled and then towards Lexa.

"I'm still deciding."

"I know where you _want_ to take me," Lexa said confidently.

"Oh yeah. Where's that?" Clarke gave her an almost bashful smile.

It reminded her of when they had ridden back to Arkadia with the body of the ice queen. Clarke had been subdued, thoughtful.

 _Thinking about home?_ Lexa had asked.

_Thinking about whether Arkadia is home._

_When I left it had a different name. I was different._

_You left a hero to your people and you return one. The mountain slayer returns with the body of the ice queen. You bring them justice._

_You bring them justice._

_We bring them peace._

"Here," Lexa said, stopping outside Clarke's room.

Clarke stopped with her. Lexa was smiling broadly now. That familiar smirk was spreading across Clarke's lips but Lexa detected some vulnerability in her eyes.

"Was I wrong?" Lexa asked, sensing that something was off.

"No," Clarke said her eyes burning into Lexa's with incredible hunger.

Clarke pushed the door handle down behind her, still facing Lexa. She backed into the room their eyes still locked and Lexa followed her.

Clarke closed and locked the door behind her. She leaned in and kissed her in a fierce, fast kiss that took Lexa's breath away. Lexa deeply wanted to continue the kiss but she knew something wasn't right.

_She is avoiding discussing it._

Lexa pulled back and put her arms out to stop her.

"We don't have much time for talking," Clarke said quickly.  "I'm still supposed to give you that tour."

"Just tell me."

Clarke hands moved down to touch the watch, her fingers gripping Lexa's wrist.

"How long will it be after the blockade is lifted until can see each other again?"

_Ah... She's worrying about what happens next._

Lexa understood now. She took Clarke's face in her hands, caressing her jawline slowly and brushing one hand across her forehead tenderly.

"It won't be forever. I will bring you to Polis as soon as it is safe to. I promise."

Lexa pressed her lips gently onto Clarke's cheek, still caressing her. She placed another one on the other cheek and then one on her mouth. Their lips melded together as Clarke returned the kiss with furiosity and Lexa felt a sudden heat rise within her. She pressed forward and Clarke let her lead her down to the bed.

They continued to kiss and moved their hands over each other hungrily only stopping to take breaths as they devoured each other. Lexa skimmed her nose along Clarke's nose to change angles and kissed the corners of her mouth wondering how they had ended up switching roles again.

 _She does not want to lead me today_ she thought.

_She is tired of worrying about her people._

_She wants to give up her control.  
_

Lexa understood it fully. Most of the time she was in Clarke's position, desperate for Clarke to lead her, desperate for a reprieve from the burdens of leadership. This time Clarke needed to feel safe, to feel loved.

"It will all be okay," Lexa whispered in between kisses. "Don't worry."

She felt Clarke relax under her.

Lexa smirked, suddenly having an idea.

"You better take off your clothes," she said in a commanding voice.

Clarke's eyes flashed a brilliant shade of blue as she reconised the change in her tone. Her eyes ran over Lexa's commander outfit with hunger. Clark didn't argue but sat up and stripped off her jacket.

She pulled her top over her head and then she unfastened her bra while keeping her eyes firmly on Lexa. 

Clarke removed the rest of her clothing one piece at a time while Lexa watched her, her deep green eyes filled with desire.

Lexa was staring down at her naked breasts and lower body with a deeply possessive look. A grin formed at the corner of her mouth.

_She is so very beautiful._

"Now undress me," she ordered, looking Clarke directly in the eye.

Clarke unfastened her red shoulder cape and armour but her fingers fumbled over the fastenings as if she was nervous.

 _She likes this game_ Lexa noted.

"Quickly," Lexa ordered in a slightly softer tone.

She cocked her head to one side.

"You don't want to keep your commander waiting," she said keeping a tone of authority in her voice.

Clarke's eyes became fierce again suddenly. Lexa saw defiance in them.

_There she is. The commander within Clarke._

_The part that resists authority._

"You know that I'll get my revenge for this next time."

 _Oh I hope so_ Lexa thought.

She would happily await her turn to be commanded.

"You should show respect to your _heda_."

Clarke's eyes burned now, her lips curving into a smile as she removed Lexa's armour and pants and every piece of clothing until Lexa was just in what grounders used for underwear.

Her breasts were bound by fitted cloth wrappings and she wore small cloth knickers. Clarke's eyes skimmed over her beautiful body and she licked her lips in anticipation. She was about to remove the items when Lexa clasped her hands.

"Leave them on."

Clarke stopped, waiting for instructions. Lexa raised her eyebrows in just the same manner Clarke had seen her do in formal meetings. It was a confident but almost cocky look that said 'I'm in charge. Don't dare to challenge me.'

Lexa leaned forward until her lips were barely an inch from Clarke's neck. She pressed her body against the blonde's, putting one hand on her naked hip and the other on her lower back.

"Lie down," she whispered into her ear.

Clarke obeyed and Lexa guided her back down. She proceeded to kiss Clarke's neck with an excessive but controlled enthusiasm and worked slowly down to her breasts. Lexa took them in her mouth, one at a time, kissing and sucking the soft sensitive mounds, running her tongue slowly around her nipples, taking care to spend time on one, before moving onto the other and back again. She used her lips and tongue and her soft hands to grip and massage her breasts but never gripped too tight.

She moved down to Clarke's stomach and hips, kissing each section of skin that she came into contact, allowing her tongue to press onto the skin as she moved lower and lower. When she was low enough she moved her kisses onto Clarke's lower lips, pushing her tongue deep inside her lover in a methodical but devastating manner.

Clarke had been quietly enjoying the attention her body was receiving but now she moaned out loud. She gripped the bed sheets, trying to suppress her ecstasy but as a soft pair of lips and a broad tongue unravelled Clarke's control. Her moans grew louder and louder and Lexa could only hope that the room was soundproof enough to keep anyone from hearing her.

Lexa's hands blindly searched to touch Clarke's breasts and body but she did not move from her task to please Clarke. She wanted to give her everything, to satisfy her every need.

_She is divine._

Clarke's body tensed and tightened as her orgasm approached. She spasmed multiple times releasing sweet juices onto Lexa's lips.

_This is heaven._

Lexa continued to devour her until her last orgasm revelling in the wonder of the act.

She left one last lick upon her body before  moving upwards to check on her _niron_.

Clarke was quiet and panting, lying flat on her back on the bed. Lexa lay down beside her, feeling her own arousal as she watched Clarke, one arm covering her eyes as she tried to regain her regular breathing.

Lexa caressed Clarke's face, admiring the beauty of Clarke in this state and Clarke moved her arm away from her eyes and met her gaze with a sense of curiosity.

Clarke wasn't ready to speak yet so Lexa just carried on caressing her hair and forehead in slow, soft strokes, gazing at her adoringly.

After a while Clarke finally spoke.

"I think we may have to rush the rest of the tour," she joked.

"I don't mind," Lexa said softly. "Should we get dressed?"

Clarke smirked and Lexa thought that there was nothing in the world that excited her more than that smirk.

"Don't think you're getting away that easy."

Lexa's heart skipped a beat.

"It's your turn, Lexa."

"What happened to commander?"

Clarke rolled over onto her and flipped her on her back, her ample body now controlling Lexa's. She pressed her pelvis down using her hips and thighs to hold Lexa into place. Clarke's eyes gazed downwards towards the cloth bindings.

"Let's get rid of these first."

"Are you defying my orders?" Lexa asked feigning offence.

Clarke raised her eyebrows and ripped the bindings from her body.

"Yes," she said defiantly.

She ripped the other cloth from her lower body and Lexa felt an intense thrill race through her entire body. She stared at Clarke silently pleading with her.

_Do what you want to me._

_Please._

_Lead me._

Clarke was grinning at her as she leaned down and crashed her lips onto Lexa's. She held her down, holding onto her wrists tightly but not too tightly. Clarke moved her hips slowly causing a sensation that made Lexa feel as if she was losing her mind.

The blonde's hands fumbled over her breasts impatiently but Lexa had no complaints over her impatience. Clarke's sense of urgency during sex was often infectious. It was as if she was starved of it, craving immediate pleasure but not so much as to make her too fast or too selfish. Her pace was fast but just right for Lexa and she could be slower when the mood was right.

Clarke's hips moved in circular motions, rubbing her core against Lexa's in just the right manner that Lexa was beginning to lose any sense of self control. When Clarke moved down her hands and slid her fingers into her, Lexa began to feel her climax approaching quickly. Clarke moved in and out in just the right way and at just the right pace.

She alternated between moving their bodies together and using her hands until they both began to moan and gasp. Lexa felt her climax approaching faster and faster, Clarke's quick breaths telling her that her lover was just as near as she was. She closed her eyes and they both orgasmed, almost in unison, their bodies jerking together.

Afterwards Clarke collapsed on top of her and they lay tangled in each other for a while very naked and very glad for the locked door.

"That was intense," Clarke whispered in her ear, her head resting on the pillow besides Lexa's.

"Very," Lexa whispered back. "I don't think I can move."

"Me neither."

"Let's not move then."

"Let's not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - Commander  
> Niron - lover


	24. The Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple continue their tour of Arkadia and Clarke suffers some teasing while Lexa becomes jealous again. As their time together draws to a close, Clarke worries about how long it wil be before they see each other again.

Clarke POV

"And finally, this is where we eat."

"Good. I'm very hungry."

Lexa met Clarke's eyes and they shared a secret smile between them. Clarke had spent most of the day escorting Lexa around Arkadia. They had seen her mother in the infirmary, Raven and Monty in engineering, Bellamy and Lincoln sparring. Everyone so far had been very pleasant Clarke saw Raven and Luna sat close together at a table. She led Lexa over to the group.

"I'll get us some food. Be right back."

Clarke rushed over to the service area checking back towards Lexa as she waited for her food. She watched her sit very formally across from the two women. She seemed almost awkward in informal settings with other people.

_She's been a commander for so long, she knows little else._

_Her every interaction has been trained into her._

_She probably doesn't even know how to relax._

It suddenly dawned on Clarke that Lexa had been so young when she was taken that she had probably never had real friends. Most of her childhood had been a preparation for the role of commander.

"Uh, sorry?"

Clarke had not noticed her trays being handed to her. She scrambled to lift them with another apology and carried them back to the table, taking the chair beside Lexa.

"I didn't know whether you preferred deer or boar so I got us both different meals. You can have mine if you don't like yours."

"This will do just fine," Lexa replied. "Thank you."

To anyone else it may not have sounded high praise but Clarke knew her. She couldn't always turn off her commander manner of speaking even when it wasn't appropriate. She was used to speaking in a certain way. She was used to giving orders.

" _Pro heda_."

An amused smile formed at the corners of Lexa's mouth as she took her fork and delved into her meal.

"Ah she does smile then," Raven teased.

Clarke shot her a warning look.

"Only for Clarke it seems," Luna interjected.

Lexa glanced up at her but did not respond focussing far more on her food. Clarke was equally engrossed in devouring her meal.

"I don't remember you having such an appetite before," Luna continued.

Lexa raised an eyebrow as if to say 'and what of it'.

"It's been a busy day," Clarke told them. "We've toured almost the entire ark.

"Where was the first stop on the tour? Your bedroom?" Raven asked.

Clarke turned to the side to hide a blush. Lexa didn't seem at all bothered but was trying to suppress a satisfied smirk.

Raven laughed out loud.

"Damn. You two don't waste any time."

Clarke glowered at her in embarassment trying to tell Raven to change the subject with just her glare.

"This food is very good," Lexa said suddenly. "Your cooks deserve recognition for their talents."

"You're lucky it isn't Monty's algae farm. When food was low we were living off that and the worst broth you've ever tasted."

"I though you were raised on rations in space. Aren't you used it?" Lexa teased lightly.

Clarke grinned at her.

"That was before I tasted Earth food and developed a sense of taste."

Clarke leaned in as she spoke, waving her fork in her hands.

"When you return to Polis, I will arrange for us to have a great feast with the best of our foods for you to sample."

"It's a date," Clarke said pointing her fork at her.

"A date?"

"It's when two people in a romantic relationship arrange to meet to do something together."

"Oh."

She caught Luna smiling and Raven was shaking her head trying to suppress a chuckle.

"What?" Lexa demanded defensively.

_Raven. Don't you dare say something embarrassing again._

_She's still the commander._

"Sorry, it's just you're both so badass and yet both so god damn adorable together and here you are planning a dinner date slash picnic."

Lexa frowned turning to Clarke.

Clarke still glared a little a Raven but she turned to Lexa to explain.

"It's thing people used to do before the world ended. You put a large cloth on the ground and lay food on it and it's supposed to be romantic."

Lexa didn't seem impressed at the notion.

"It sounds careless. It would attract wild animals."

"I would imagine so but I've never had one so I wouldn't know. The feast sounds a better idea."

Lexa nodded.

"Well it was _my_ idea," she said.

Clarke suppressed a laugh. Lexa was really very competitive and so eager to impress her. She felt a warm hand slide into hers under the table. Clarke held it, rubbing her thumb in gentle strokes over the back of it.

Lexa met her eyes and they gazed at each other, as if no one else was there. It was so nice just to be in public together without hiding. Clarke could not resist leaning in and placing one soft kiss on her lips.

Lexa seemed a little suprised by her sudden display of public affection. Her eyes widened and her lower lip pouted in a way that made her look very vulnerable suddenly. A lifetime of hiding her own feelings had become a habit for her.

Clarke realised that Lexa had probably never even been allowed this with Costia. She had never just been allowed to be normal. She had always had to keep that part of her separate. It made Clarke want to give her all those opportunities that she had missed just as Lexa had wanted to give her a meal with all the flavours of earth that she had missed.

Neither of them said anything. Clarke just tightened the grip on her hand under the table, telling her silently that she understood. The moment of peace was broken when three other trays landed next to them on the table and suddenly Octavia, Monty and Niylah were all there.

Octavia said nothing but glared at the couple. Monty greeted them politely and Niylah just nodded, her eyes darting to Lexa and then away in fear.

Clarke felt Lexa's hand stiffen when she saw Niylah. Lexa was staring at her in an almost threatening manner. Clarke caught her eye and gave her a look to remind her to be polite. It was very tense for a moment and then Raven and Monty started a conversation about him taking more of her computer equipment and not returning it. Clarke could feel the uncomfortable chill of Octavia's silent treatment upon her.

"I told you the next time you did it I would get you back," Raven continued. "It took me a month to find all the parts to build that machine."

"I'll bring it back."

"You said that last week! Stop stealing my stuff!"

"Is stealing not a serious crime in your culture?" Lexa asked in an authorative tone. "It is punished severely in ours."

Clarke shook her head. Being alone with Lexa she sometimes forgot that they were from such different cultures. In Arkadia it was as if she was never allowed to forget. Her friends took no care to understand that she was not going to get all their humour and references. When they were alone Clarke would just explain the differences. Doing it so repeatedly in front of others felt less comfortable. They did not accept Lexa's differences the way she did.

"No Lex. She's being dramatic. He didn't steal it. They often borrow equipment from each other. They're friends."

Lexa's frown disappeared as she understood and relaxed.

"I heard you and Niylah were good friends back at the trading post," Octavia said suddenly, her eyes fixed on Clarke.

There was a challenge in Octavia's manner. She could feel the tension building in Lexa. Not only was Octavia being disrespectful of Clarke, a move that Lexa would surely find offensive, she was _reminding_ her.

"That was in the past," Clarke said, more for Lexa's benefit than Octavia's.

Lexa was staring at Niylah again with the death glare that she gave people when she was furious enough to murder people. Niylah said nothing and did not meet her eyes.

Lexa blinked rapidly and turned away and Clarke recognised the battle within her. She was jealous but trying not to be rude to Niylah who was still one of her own people.

"Clarke makes her own choices who her friends are Octavia."

_Uh oh._

Niylah meant to defend Clarke but it was the wrong move in front of Lexa who would see her as having no right to do so.

"Do you think yourself worthy of Clarke?" she challenged in a deeper tone. "Do you think to _challenge_ me for her?"

"No. I meant no offense," Niylah replied.

"Stop it. You have no right to-" Octavia started.

Lexa spun her head immediately to Octavia to meet her challenge with an intense look. Octavia stopped at once, remembering who she was. Lexa raised her head slightly with a sneer. It was a power move to remind everyone that she was still in charge. The memory of how Lexa had commanded her in her bedroom sent a thrill through Clarke though it felt wildly inappropriate. 

_Wow she's so hot when she's like this.  
_

"I know that she is yours," Niylah said quietly. "I would never challenge you for her."

_Yours? What am I?_

"Good," Lexa said nodding. "I am sorry to have spoken harshly. You have done nothing wrong."

_Really!!_

"Hey! I'm sitting right here," Clarke objected. "Can we just stop talking about it now please?"

Lexa turned to meet her eyes with a thoughtful expression. She hadn't meant to be so possessive.

"And I'm my own person not anyone else's. I don't belong to anyone."

Lexa smiled.

"Of course Clarke."

Lexa turned back towards her plate as if amused and Clarke thought it best to let it go. They could discuss it later. 

_And we certainly will._

Raven who had been trying to muffle her laughs in her sleeve laughed loudly and everyone turned to her. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her.

"My bad," Raven said trying to regain her composure. "It's just - just. Griff's a real womanizer."

Raven burst out laughing again causing Monty to follow.

"What's a womanizer?" Lexa asked quietly.

"I'll - I'll explain later. She's joking."

"I am not. I'm serious," Raven said with a laugh. "Who knew the princess was so good with the girls."

Clarke could've killed her right in that moment.

"So they all call you princess, not just Murphy?" Lexa asked.

"Mostly. Yes."

"You know Murphy?" Raven asked becoming serious very quickly.

Clarke glanced downwards biting her bottom lip gently. Murphy had been the one who shot Raven and she wasn't sure how much of the events in Polis Lexa wished to share.

"He is at Polis," said Lexa. "It's a long story."

"Not so lucky for you," Raven sneered. "Having to be around his cheerful ass."

"He does have a very negative outlook," Lexa said wryly. "Why do they call you princess?"

Clarke wasn't overly fond of the nickname. It was meant as an insult originally, to point out her 'privileged' status on the ark. Clarke had not thought herself particularly priveleged after her dad had been floated but she knew that many had been in poorer conditions on the ark than her.

"It was a - a sort of - " _Insult_. No Lexa would take offense to the thought of them insulting her. "Tease. Because I was seen as having more privilege on the ark."

"Because you did have more privilege," Octavia said in a dry voice.

"But with what happened to your father...?" Lexa said quietly as if not sure Clarke had told the others.

"I - er - they don't include that. They are talking about resources - food - medicine. You know. Wealth."

Lexa frowned still trying to comprehend the cultural differences.

"I thought all your people ate rations on the ark."

"They did but some were still poorer than others."

Clarke squeezed her hand under the table.

"See," Lexa said raising one eyebrow. "This is why I need a _skaikru_ ambassador."

Clarke smiled at her attempts at flattery. She noticed that Lexa's tray was now empty.

"Here. I'll take your tray."

Lexa let go of her hand and watched her clear up, her eyes on her the whole time. When she sat back down Lexa took her hand across the table and held it in full view of the others. She leaned over and kissed Clarke on the cheek in a very tender manner.

" _Mochof Klarke._ "

"It's nothing."

Now Clarke felt like blushing. She had heard Octavia scoff.

"I will have to leave soon," Lexa said suddenly looking immeasurably sad. "I need to return to my camp for nightfall. There are still preparations for the ceremony tomorrow."

Once again Clarke felt a deep ache at the thought of her leaving and of how long it might be before they were properly together again.

"I'm surprised you are having it so soon. I thought it would be a few days."

"The sooner this happens, the sooner I can return to Polis. I have been away too long and many things need my attention."

Clarke didn't want to hear this though she knew she had to. It could be weeks. Months.

_I'll be busy with my own people._

_I'll barely notice it pass_.

But Clarke knew in her heart that was not true. She would think of Lexa every day. Lexa was watching her with a sense of compassion. They both knew why she really wanted to get to Polis. The quicker she calmed things there, the quicker Clarke could return there as ambassador.

"Are you still worried about Titus and Ontari attacking during the ceremony?" Clarke asked.

"It is what I would do," Lexa replied with a far off look in her eyes.

The brunette turned to her and brushed Clarke's hair back from her face.

"You will stay with your guard for the entire ceremony?" she asked.

"I will," Clarke said with a nod. "I'll be fine."

From the way Lexa looked at her she still feared for her but Lexa didn't push the issue further.

_One more day before she leaves for good._

As much as a she wanted to Clarke couldn't ignore the thought. Lexa's expression altered subtly as she noticed the change in Clarke. She squeezed her hand tighter.

"Don't we have one more place left on the tour?" Lexa asked patiently.

Clarke frowned in confusion.

_Where does she - ? Oh._

"Yes we do. We should go."

Clarke stood up and Lexa followed. They said their goodbyes and still holding hands, they exited the room and headed back to Clarke's bedroom.

"How long do we have?" Clarke asked once inside.

"Not long at all."

They both sat down on the bed and Lexa ran her hands over Clarke's face as if committing each part to memory. She embraced Clarke and they both fell down onto the bed. Clarke put her arm around Lexa's waist and huddled in towards her, her head resting on Lexa's neck. Lexa's arm came to rest around her shoulders pulling her deeper into the embrace. They both closed their eyes and stayed like that.

Clarke could've easily fallen asleep if not for the knowledge that this was their last real day together again for a long time. She felt soft hands caressing her hair and her cheek.

"I don't want to leave," Lexa whispered.

"Shh... I know. Let's just enjoy this." Clarke didn't have to open her eyes to know that Lexa was smiling.

"They called you princess as an insult didn't they? Should I stop calling you _skaiprisa_?"

Clarke was the one smiling now. Lexa was too smart to have missed that one.

"No. I like it when you say it."

 _And she likes saying it_ Clarke thought feeling a deep sense of warmth in her heart.

Lexa placed a kiss on her forehead and Clarke drew tender circles across her stomach and they rested there until Indra came knocking on the door a little while later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro heda - you're welcome commander.  
> Skaikru - sky people  
> Moch of - thank you  
> Skaiprisa - sky princess


	25. Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa worries for Clarke's safety during the ceremony and skaikru finally make amends and submit to Lexa's authority.

Lexa POV

The commander of the twelve clans spent the morning in her tent preparing for the ceremony. She had hated leaving Clarke. Clarke's room though unpleasantly small and full of that harsh lighting the sky people favoured so much had become one of her new favourite places in the world. Her bed was small but comfortable and the sky girl loved to sleep either holding Lexa or with Lexa holding her. Either way suited the commander just fine.

Indra had given her a disapproving look when she had hugged Clarke goodbye. They didn't kiss in front of her, both sensing that it was still awkward for any of her people to see them that way. Clarke had understood that in front of her warriors Lexa had to appear cold and strong and had been careful to keep up the facade.

Clarke's breath on her neck as she whispered sweet words in her ear had been their last moment of contact before she had left Arkadia.

 

The next day Indra entered her tent as her handmaiden finished the last touch on her oufit by placing the sacred symbol on her head. She wore full armour this time with black clothes and no cloak, one sword on her back and a dagger at her side.

"It is time _heda_ ," Indra stated.

Lexa nodded and they proceeded outside. Two dark brown horses waited for them and they both mounted and set off for the small village where the event was being held.

Leaders from each clan would be there. The ceremony would usually be held in Polis but there was no time. She had already been away for longer than she should have and the sooner this happened the sooner she could make progress with her plans.

"Ontari? Titus?"

"My warriors have searched every inch of the woods. No one has seen them."

"Have guards on watch at all times. No one can be allowed to disrupt the ceremony."

_"Sha, heda. Ai na dula op."_

Yes heda, I will do.

_"Oso souda sheid klin Klarke. Titus na frag ai niron op."_

We must protect Clarke. Titus will kill my lover.

_"Titus na wan op taim ai ai em op ."_

Titus will die if I see him.

_"Taim ai no frag em op fou yu."_

If I don't kill him before you.

Indra gave her a knowing glance and then turned away. It made things easier for Lexa, her knowing. She no longer had to hide her motives for her actions. She only hoped that she was wrong and that neither Titus or Ontari took the opportunity to attack.

A little while later Lexa was positioned at the centre of the ceremony surrounded by representatives from each clan. The _skaikru_ arrived last as they seemed to have a tendency to do.

Marcus Kane and Abby were side by side as always and were with the former chancellor Jaha. Clarke was surrounded by two guards and her friends Bellamy, Octavia and Raven. Lexa noted with relief that the guards would not let her move too far in front without following her.

She wore her _Wanheda_ mask of paint and dark blue jacket and folded her hands in front of her as she stood patiently. She had tidied her hair and it was straighter. Lexa still wasn't quite used to how strange it seemed to see it cut just lower than her chin but it was as beautiful as ever.

Lexa had not had time to get her a formal set of armour to wear but the paint would suffice until she could arrange for some to be crafted for future occassions.

Lexa met her eyes and they shared a secret exchange, both expressing without words their longing for each other. Clarke posture was one of support for her. She was there for her people but also for Lexa as an ally. It was a similar manner to how she had acted in Polis during any public events, polite and formal but supportive.

Lexa tore her gaze away from the skygirl's azure eyes. She could stare into those bright shades of blue forever but she had to do her duty. She squared her shoulders, straightened her back and raised her head.

"Kneel."

Everyone obeyed. Abby who had been one of the last to kneel to her last time did not hesitate. Lexa always observed who was the slowest to complete the act as it suggested those who were a little defiant to her rule and she found Octavia to be the last to her knees. She stored the information away for future reference and continued to address the clans.

"Hail warriors of the twelve clans."

"Hail commander of the blood."

"Rise. We welcome Marcus _kom skaikru_ to our land in the spirit of friendship and harmony and we welcome _Wanheda_ , the legendary mountain-slayer as a guest. We are here to accept their surrender and vow of fealty and to reinitiate them into the coalition. Marcus _kom skaikru_ already wears the brand."

Lexa nodded at Marcus. He stepped forward and presented his arm, rolling up his sleeve. He turned left and then right showing his mark to the room as proof.

"Step forward," Lexa commanded.

Marcus walked closer and dropped to his knees. Lexa made him stay there for a moment. She had to show her people that he was submitting to her.

"Rise."

He obeyed and faced her.

"Speak."

" _Skaikru_ swears fealty to the commander of the blood and to _heda leksa com trikru_ , ruler of the thirteen clans. _Skaikru_ swears to obey her commands and to cease all acts of war against our surrounding territories immediately. _Skaikru_ apologies for the actions of our former leader and the deaths he caused."

Marcus motioned to some of his people and they brought forward Pike, chained and gagged.

"We bring the guilty here to face justice." Lexa nodded towards her guards and they took Pike.

"Blood must not have blood. This man will be taken to Polis and a fitting punishment for his crimes will be carried out. Justice will be done and we will carry on showing our people a new future in which violence does not always answer violence."

It would have to be that moment that she saw the hooded figure closing in on Clarke. There were many warriors there but Titus was adept at stealth and he had managed to get close enough to be able to strike. Clarke guards had not spotted him, busy searching the rest of the crowd for enemies.

Lexa drew her dagger and threw it towards him. He dodged and Clarke turned quickly. Lexa's warriors scrambled, Indra and a small group of her warriors surrounded Clarke to keep her safe. Lexa knew that she would be seen as weak if she did not defeat him alone or just had him killed.

Word of his treachery had spread and a _fleimkepa_ was so highly respected that she had no choice but to defeat him in a challenge of combat now.

"Titus," she roared. "You will not run this time. You will fight me."

He had the same grim expression that she knew so well and he held up his sword. He did not want to fight her but he knew that in being caught he was forced to. Lexa would look too weak if she did not defeat him now. Clarke looked stricken. She knew that Titus was a skilled fighter. Lexa drew her sword and they circled.

"You don't want to do this," he advised. "Clarke is the one who needs to die."

"No it is you that needs to die and you will," she sneered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the trigedasleng is translated directly as the sentences are quite long. I have tried to translate as best I can but feel free to let me know if I've translated incorrectly anywhere. 
> 
> Skaikru - sky clan  
> Kom skaikru - of sky clan  
> Wanheda - commander of death  
> Heda leksa kom trikru - Commander Lexa of the tree clan  
> Fleimkepa - flamekeeper


	26. Ste Udon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Titus fight to the death but an unexpected turn of events surprises Lexa. Clarke watch their battle with trepidation.

Clarke POV

Lexa and Titus were fighting. Right in front of everyone, to the death. Clarke had barely let out of a breath since the knife has raced past her and she'd seen just how close Titus has gotten to killing her.

Now Lexa was lunging at him, her sword raised. Titus defended but never countered. He was still reluctant to fight her but Lexa clearly meant to kill him. She tried to knock him back, tried to kick his legs out from under him but he avoided each move swiftly.

Clarke had a horrible feeling deep in the pit of her stomach.

_He's too good. He has taught many commanders. He's not even fazed by her attacks._

" _Wanheda_ needs to be stopped!" he yelled avoiding another blow.

Lexa ignored and readied to attack again. She was graceful and fierce but not out of control. Each of her moves were precise and planned.

"She will not give you her loyalty!"

Lexa attacked again, twirling around after he blocked to attack him again, her sword moving so swiftly it was almost an extension of her own body. It reminded Clarke of the panther. She possessed a natural but deadly type of grace, hitting with rapid strikes. How Titus could even see them coming was a testament to how skilled he actually was.

Lexa attacked and he blocked and she pressed the blade down onto his, pushing him with her force. Lexa was saying something. Clarke couldn't make out what but it visibly stressed Titus and she could see that he was tiring. Lexa pushed him back and knocked his blade from his hand.

"You cannot love her. Clarke will not love you back!"

Clarke suddenly felt very exposed. There was a hush upon the crowd. Everyone had heard. Everyone knew. She didn't fear for herself but for Lexa. She saw the change in Lexa's eyes, the slight vulnerability in them. Everything she had ever worked for, peace, a better way for her people could be questioned.

Clarke's heart was pounding.

_I will never forgive myself if they turn on her because of me. Never. I would leave her before I let her lose everything._

She saw the mask fall back over Lexa's eyes and them turn fierce. They were a dark shade of green, always changing colour in different lights. Clarke could swear that she could read Lexa's emotions by the changing colour of her eyes.

Lexa kicked his weapon away and stepped on Titus with one foot. Clarke saw something that reminded her of the day she had executed Gustus. A slight sadness but along with it was a bitterness, an anger at his betrayal.

She glanced at Clarke as had done the day she'd killed Gustus and met her gaze. Clarke held it saying nothing but hoping that she could read what she was thinking in her expression.

_You don't have to. Not for me._

_Yes I do. You know I do._

That was what she could read back in Lexa's gaze. Lexa turned back to Titus and raised her sword, holding it over her left arm to guide it.

" _Yu gonplei ste udon._ "

She slid it into his chest and Clarke saw little remorse in her eyes. She pulled back the blade and the crowd cheered her name.

 

Lexa POV

The fight was longer than Lexa would've liked but a small part of her felt a thrill at being so challenged. Few people ever came even close to defeating her. Titus was no exception though he was trying not to fight her back.

_It is too late she thought. You hurt her. I cannot let you live._

Titus tried to reason with her in hushed tones.

"Do not do this."

Strike. Block

"You will see that I am right."

Strike. Block.

"She cannot be trusted."

Strike. Block.

"Love is weakness."

Each word only spurred Lexa forward. She no longer believed him. He began to yell out his words in anger and Lexa became aware that he may say too much. She tried to disarm him, to disable him before he said anything more. She could see he was tiring.

When she pressed her sword onto his and was close he shook his head, staring deep into her eyes.

"She is not one of us. She never will be. I do this to protect you Lexa."

"I love her," she rasped. "She is everything. She has brought me joy that you cannot imagine and you tried to take that from me."

Lexa pushed down harder using the weight of her body to increase the pressure.

"You tried to kill her. For that I will never forgive you. You will die here today or I will but Clarke will live."

When she knocked his blade from his hands and he yelled out she knew the fight was over. The starkness of hearing his words out loud in front of her people sent a shiver through her.

It was his last attempt to get through to her. It was his last manipulation to play on her insecurities that Clarke didn't feel the same. He clearly didn't understand that Lexa no longer had any fears about Clarke's feelings. She had felt Clarke's love for her in every part of her being. The trick no longer worked.

She heard the audible hushing of the crowd at the outburst. They all knew now. This made her decision with Titus even clearer. She could not spare him even if she wanted to after his outburst. Her people would only continue to follow her if she still appeared strong.

She caught Clarke's blue eyes staring at her, showing her that she understood, that she knew what Titus had meant to her. Clarke didn't understand that he had been marked for death in Lexa's eyes the moment he had threatened her _niron's_ life.

Lexa had never intended to let him live after he had attacked Clarke that day. Remembering it made the sword easier to lift, made it easier to end it.

The crowd chanted her name but it didn't empower her like it had the last time she had fought though it was a sign that she still had her people's support.

Lexa pulled out the blade with force and then saw Clarke lift the gun in her left hand and point it right at her.

No not at her. To the side of her.

Clarke's face was a mask. She showed no hesitation, no fear. She pulled the trigger and Lexa turned to see Ontari fall to the ground just behind her, a dagger raised to plunge straight into Lexa's back.

Lexa turned back to Clarke in surprise. She stared at the girl who had just saved her life in front of everyone. Clarke still held the gun up as if refusing to move in case there was even a chance Ontari was alive.

Lexa caught her gaze and the saw the emotion breaking through behind her eyes. Clarke hated using her weapon and only ever used it when absolutely necessary. Lexa knew this. She'd seen it before when Clarke had killed the mountain man with the sniper to save Lincoln.

As Lexa stared back at her she saw the sky girl's hard gaze weaken and Clarke lowered the gun. Lexa had an urge to go to her and sweep her up in her arms but she knew that it was too soon for that.

 _I must address my people_ she thought regaining her composure.

She straightened her back and raised her head.

"The traitors Titus and Ontari are dead and justice has been done. The legendary _Wanheda_ has proven her loyalty to our people with this act. Peace has been restored to our lands. Now is a time for rebuilding. We cannot regain those we have lost but we can forge ahead to a new future, one in which our children can flourish without the threat of war."

_Finally it's done._

Everyone cheered and Lexa thought it best to leave the ceremony there. Clarke was watching her with a proud expression but Lexa knew that there was no time for her to express her feelings for the woman. She would leave for Polis soon and they would have time for a proper goodbye later. The thought of it almost brought tears to her eyes.

Lexa motioned to Indra and her guards who were already taking the bodies ready for burial. Lexa caught one last glance at the blonde whose eyes were on her. She nodded towards her.

"Indra. Have _Wanheda_ escorted to my tent once the crowd has dispersed."

"Of course, _heda_."

Lexa noted the lack of resistance in Indra's tone. Clarke had saved her life. Even Indra who had thought their relationship unwise could not dispute the significance of such an act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanheda - commander of death  
> Yu gonplei ste udon - Your fight is over  
> Niron's - lover's  
> Heda - Commander


	27. Do Not Disturb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa spend ther final night in her tent before they have to part ways for a while.
> 
> NSFW but not completely porn (I don't think so anyway) as I'm keeping that for their flashbacks/memories later. I do have an end in mind for this and also a sequel. I didn't expect it to be his long so sorry it's so many chapters.
> 
> I also tried to put some body positivity in there as I know not all of us reading are confident about our weight or smaller breast size and I think that different body types are beautiful. I'm pretty small myself so I know that it can sometimes make you feel a bit insecure reading about larger breasts if you are small so I made the decision to add the Costia bit to show how both skinny and curvier body types can be beautiful as I certainly find them both beautiful.

Clarke entered Lexa's tent to find her waiting anxiously by her table. It felt so familiar like when they had been working together to defeat Mount Weather.

Lexa who had been playing with the maps on her table turned to face her. Her hair was still braided but she had taken off the sacred symbol and removed some of her armour pieces.

Clarke scanned the length of her body in the tight black outfit. She still wore her own face paint having had no chance to remove it since the ceremony.

"I'm still leaving tomorrow," Lexa said softly.

Her eyes were wide, her mouth curved downward. Clarke nodded.

"I guessed as much. How long do we have?"

"Tonight."

Clarke blinked rapidly.

"You mean. I can stay here?"

"As everyone knows already I don't see that we need to be as discreet." Lexa raised one eyebrow. "At least not privately."

Clarke moved forward and joined their hands. She was sullen, brushing her thumbs over the back of Lexa's hands absent-mindedly.

"Clarke."

Lexa let go and moved one of her hands to Clarke's chin raising it so that their eyes met. There were tears in those brilliant blue eyes. It moved Lexa so much that she felt her own eyes beginning to fill up.

"You were in danger because of me," Clarke rasped. "You had to kill him because of me. If your people had turned on you..."

Lexa shook her head, thinking that Clarke looked so beautiful with the paint across her eyes. It made the blue in her eyes stand out even brighter than usual. Lexa often found herself fascinated with their shimmer. No one had eyes with such a brightness in them as Clarke's.

"You saved my life in front of everyone. I don't think you understand the _significance._ They respected you for your actions on the mountain but to save the life of their commander... You are a hero to them. You just made it so much _easier_ for us to be together."

Clarke's lips didn't quite make it into a smile but there was a hint of one threatening to show.

"Titus is gone. Ontari is gone. All I have to do is talk with the clans and give it a few weeks and you can return to Polis."

Clarke's lips parted, her teeth showing a little as she smiled. It lightened Lexa's heart to see it.

"You have given me hope for the first time of being happy, of a future for myself and not just my people."

Clarke was beaming now.

"I guess when you put it like that," she replied.

"Don't you see?" Lexa murmoured leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you."

Lexa kissed her on the corner of her mouth, cupping the side of her face.

"You are my world," she muttered.

She met Clarke's lips with her own and Clarke kissed her back hungrily, pushing hard against Lexa's body.

 _Always so impatient_ Lexa mused with humour.

Clarke kissed like she fought her battles, with intense passion, pushing forward whenever she could. Lexa thought that no force on earth could stop her if she put her mind to something. She had never met another with such strength of spirit.

"I love you too," Clarke whispered when they parted, leaning her forehead on Lexa's.

She had backed Lexa up against another of her tables, an extremely common habit for Clarke. Lexa glanced longingly at the bed to her left and the comfortable furs. Clarke had only ever been in her bed once in Polis and never in her private tent, though Lexa had dreamed that she had many many times. Clarke noticed her pout and pressed her lips to hers once.

"It makes me crazy when you pout like that."

"I don't-" Lexa protested.

"You do but it's sexy as hell. I take it you want to move things over there."

Clarke was wearing that smirk now that she couldn't resist and glancing down into her eyes and it also felt, her soul. Lexa felt transparent everytime her _skyprisa_ looked at her. She couldn't hide things from Clarke even if she wanted. She had learned that long ago when they'd argued over killing Octavia.

"Yes," she said letting out her breath with a deep sigh.

Clarke didn't speak but suddenly put her arms around Lexa's waist and picked her up. Instinctively Lexa wrapped her legs around her.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asked a little alarmed.

No one else would have even dared to do this. She was the commander of the twelve clans, a fiercesome warrior who needed no assistance-

Clarke who must've sensed her panic just said-

"Just go with it Lexa. I'm trying to be romantic. I'm not very good at it."

Clarke was rarely ever romantic. Lexa had only ever seen her be skeptical about anything even remotely whimsical. Clarke was a realist by nature, much like Lexa. The fact that she wanted to try to be romantic for her warmed her heart and silenced all her objectives and in fact Lexa had to admit that she felt very comfortable letting Clarke take charge and hold her like this.

Clarke grunted with the effort as she carried her over to the bed and placed her down.

"You're heavier than you look," she muttered.

Lexa didn't reply not caring one bit and pulled Clarke down on top of her to bring their lips together. They kissed deeper. Lexa opened her mouth to allow Clarke's tentative tongue in as she felt her seeking entrance. She responded with her own and they remained locked into the kiss for several minutes.

 _She's so soft_ Lexa thought. _Even when she gets carried away and gets more intense her kisses are so soft._

Lexa opened her eyes when they finally parted for air, watching Clarke's long eyelashes fluttering as she opened her eyes. Clarke was smiling at her, her lips tightening as they pulled back and showed her teeth.

_I love that smile. She's so perfect._

Lexa did not believe in perfect. She believed that people were fundamentally flawed and had to strive to be better human beings. She believed that nature was far from perfect but was often harsh and cruel but Clarke's smile was the closest thing she'd ever seen to perfection in her life.

She still couldn't believe sometimes that she got to be with this strong, amazing, beautiful woman whose smile turned her weak, whose eyes shone like a blue sky on a summer's day, whose hair was like sunshine. Clarke's body was not as slim as Lexa's but Lexa loved the solid feel of it and the generous curves. Lexa knew some girls felt too skinny, some too overweight and worried that they were not beautiful. She found both smaller and larger girls to be just as attractive, finding joy in the different appearances of both. Most women were just beautiful by nature in her eyes.

Costia's body had been slimmer and smaller and Lexa had found great pleasure in it's appearance but Clarke's curvy body was more of a joy to witness because it was attached to a woman whose sheer strength astonished her every day. Oh how she loved Clarke's body. Just the thought of it filled her with lust.

Her soft belly, her large breasts, her hips...

Lexa's mouth became dry as she could not help herself from thinking about how much she wanted to see her body and to touch it again many many times before their night was up.

Clarke's attention had wandered and she was kissing Lexa's neck and running her hands down the black material. She grazed her breasts and moved all the way down to brush along Lexa's hips. She gripped the black fabric and pulled it up, Lexa sat up raising her arms to allow her to remove the garment and then Clarke worked on the button on her pants. Lexa took her cue and stripped off Clarke's jacket and pulled her top over her head, her hands working to unfasten the claspings of Clarke's black bra.

She couldn't see what she was doing but concentrated and found how it unclasped. Once it loosened she pulled the material forward and Clarke's heavy breasts fell down without their supports.

Lexa palmed them almost immediately running her hands over them, squeezing just a little, brushing the nipples, working the mounds. Clarke was busy removing the rest of Lexa's clothing. Lexa moved to let her.

"Just a second."

Clarke pulled back to strip her own pants and underwear away. Lexa could do little but wait and stare at her desperate to regain the physical contact. Clarke threw them in the air as with the rest of their clothes, not caring where they landed. She pounced back onto Lexa and back into a kiss leading her back down until she was lying on her back and Clarke was naked on top of her.

"Under the covers?" Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded. She knew what she was thinking. It would be a little better for them if someone walked in and caught them if they weren't on top of the bed completely naked. Lexa had told no one to disturb them unless it was an absolute emergency but any one could just walk in at any time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skyprisa - sky princess


	28. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke returns Polis with Octavia and Lexa waits with excitement for her return. Linctavia fans won't like this so please don't hate me but I promise that I won't kill him off even if they are not together.
> 
> Also, I will start writing the sequel soon as I already have an idea for it. This is the last chapter so I really appreciate all your kudos and anyone who gave this a chance. I've written novels before but never really fanfic and this was a lot of fun and the quickest that I have probably written anything. I really hope that people enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Clarke POV

It had been a few weeks since Clarke had said goodbye to Lexa. They had spent the whole night in Lexa's bed, enjoying each other over and over until they were both spent. Afterwards they had fallen asleep entangled in each other, naked and happy, Clarke's arm around Lexa's waist.

In the morning they had parted with tears in their eyes, saying their goodbyes in private before Clarke had returned to her people. The last memory she had of Lexa was of those green orbs staring at her, watching her leave again. Clarke had turned back one last time before exiting, to see her, to commit the vision of her to memory. It had been so difficult to leave but Clarke had known it was the right thing to do if they wanted a real future together.

Clarke felt elated now. Since then she had been busy with problems arising in Arkadia.

Though most people were fine with the ceremony some had rebelled trying to start trouble. Then someone had been stealing food and supplies. They hadn't found the culprit but had had to post sentries to keep the supplies safe.

On top of that Octavia and Lincoln's relationship had been rocky. She wanted to live with the grounders as Indra's second and he wanted to stay in Arkadia to foster peace. Clarke had been dragged into their argument when Octavia had snapped at a guard and it had gotten heated. Octavia had nearly been arrested and Clarke had had to intervene and convince Kane to let her away with a warning.

Clarke had been so busy with the distractions that she'd had little time to think of Lexa but she still thought of her each day and night, a deep ache in her heart. She missed confiding in her, being able to be vulnerable with her when she was feeling the burden of leadership. She missed Lexa's secret smile when Clarke amused her. She missed being there for Lexa, who had no one else to ease her pressures and her burdens. Most of all she missed those eyes that burned deep into her when they looked at her, as if staring into her soul.

When Lexa had finally sent word to her, she had been elated. It was worded as a formal invitation but inside was a single simple flower pressed into the pages. It was a delicate light blue flower that Clarke had never seen, even in her Earth studies classes. No doubt it was a newer species than the ones in her books but it was beautiful and shaped almost like a daisy and had a white ribbon wrapped gently around the stem. She had lifted it to her nose, inhaling it's sweet scent thinking how sweet the commander could be. Clarke carried it with her as she rode into Polis with Octavia.

"Are you sure you are happy with this?" she asked Octavia not for the first time.

Octavia nodded but there was sadness in her eyes. She and Lincoln had decided to part ways though they still loved each other. They wanted different things. Octavia wanted to continue her training with Indra and Indra was by Lexa's side.

She seemed to have forgotten her anger towards Clarke and Lexa but Clarke was sure that it was still under there and that she would have more moments of contending with Octavia's strong will. She had promised Bellamy she would take care of his sister and that was exactly what she was going to do.

"Bet you're excited to see her again," Octavia said dryly.

Clarke smiled, feeling a genuine sense of warmth wash over her at the knowledge that she was finally going to be with Lexa in Polis permanantly.

"I really am," she said as much to herself as to Octavia.

"You really love her don't you?"

It was the first time she had heard Octavia sound like she accepted their relationship.

"Yes," Clarke just said.

"As long as you don't forget where your loyalties lie," Octavia warned.

Clarke listened and thought it over carefully. She knew that Octavia had a point but her loyalties lay as much with Lexa as with her own people now. That had changed forever.

"I just hope that we don't suffer if it doesn't work out."

Clarke was silent again. She knew that Lexa and her 'not working out' was not even a possibility now.

"We can both separate our feelings from our duty Octavia," she said after a moment. "We can't afford not to."

Octavia's eyes widened as if she was considering the point.

"We're here," she said as their horses stopped at the stable.

Clarke was off her horse and moving before Octavia could even blink. In an instant she was charging straight towards the skyscraper. Octavia chased after her trying to keep up but Clarke was only focussed on one thing. Getting back to Lexa.

 

Lexa POV

_She should be arriving soon._

Lexa had not felt this excited since the last time they were separated and she was about to see Clarke again. She had felt nervous putting the flower in the letter. It had still felt risky to be public about her affections even though it was definitely public knowledge.

She had had to defend herself against a tirade of accusations from the clan leaders about the relationship. One leader had not survived the accusation after declaring her unfit to rule and charging at her with her sword. Lexa had struck him down herself in a show of strength. His clan had appointed a new leader afterwards and he always gave Lexa a scared, sideways glance whenever she addressed him. Not that she blamed him.

The act had quietened down many of their complaints but it had arisen in many meetings since and Lexa had had to quell any suggestions of favouritism or weakness as soon as they had arisen.

Despite that there had been far less anger than Lexa had thought there would be. She had always imagined a worse outcome. She felt calmer now knowing that it was indeed not the end of the world for her relationship with Clarke to be public.

_She will be here soon._

_My skaiprisa..._

Lexa paced feeling a secret thrill at the last thought. She finally felt as if she had a right to feel she could call Clarke hers. Even though she had said it before she had never truly felt as if she'd had permission to despite being the commander. Not really. Titus had made her feel as if it could never be okay.

Now she thought it without restriction, without that barrior that had prevented her from truly allowing herself to commit before. She could truly love now and the thought made her happier than she had been ever before.

 

Clarke and Lexa POV

The throne room doors opened and Clarke marched in with a big smile on her face. She headed straight for Lexa and Lexa rushed towards her. They met in the middle embracing, wrapping their arms around each other with relief. Lexa could not stop herself from beaming with pure joy.

"You're home," she whispered.

Clarke pulled back and brushed back her braids with her hands. Her fingertips caressed the sides of Lexa's jaw and she gazed deep into her eyes.

"I'm home," she whispered, smiling back at her.

They both leaned towards each other and pressed their lips together in a kiss, staying joined for a moment, revelling in the contact that they had both missed so much. When they pulled apart Lexa saw relief in those blue eyes. They separated, aware that Indra and Octavia were both still in the room and Lexa regained her composure but could not remove the smile from her face no matter how hard she tried.

"Indra. Show Octavia to her new quarters. I will help the ambassador settle into her new room."

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her and Lexa couldn't help but smirk as they both knew which room they meant.

Indra mumbled something in agreement and nodded towards Octavia. By the look in her eyes she was a little uncomfortable at Lexa's sudden display of public affection but was choosing to keep her thoughts to herself.

Clarke joined Lexa's hand in her own and they headed towards Lexa's bedroom.

"So this is _my_ room," Clarke teased when they were in her large bedroom. "Where are you sleeping?"

Lexa was still smiling. She wondered if she would ever stop smiling.

" _Shof op_ and kiss me again."

Lexa surged forward and wrapped her arms around her, sweeping her into a deep, lingering kiss.

Tears fell down her cheeks. Tears of joy. Lexa threw her whole body into the kiss, thinking that she had never even believed that she _could_ feel such joy as in this moment.

Clarke sat down on the bed and Lexa pushed her down onto it and joined her on the furs. They both scooted upwards and lay on the bed, side by side, facing each other. They stared into each others eyes. Lexa ran her hands into Clarke's hair while Clarke caressed Lexa's face, stroking her skin softly, brushing her fingertips over the corners of her lips as if studying them.

"Hi," 

"Hi."

The smile that spread across Clarke's lips as Lexa mimicked her reply was the best thing that Lexa had ever witnessed. They didn't need words. Both of them knew what the other was thinking.

_Finally._

_We finally get our someday._

_We still owe something to our people but it's not standing in our way anymore._

_We can be together._

"I want to marry you," Lexa said with a whisper.

"When?"

"Soon."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes. Okay. When you think your people will accept it, let's get married."

Lexa had never felt so much joy.

"You are amazing."

Lexa's eyes were wide as she watched Clarke with complete devotion.

"I think that we should have that meal first though and maybe a picnic."

Lexa narrowed her eyes though she was still smiling.

"Picnic's sound absurd."

"It'll be fun."

"Having to fight the wildlife for our food will be fun?"

"Don't be a buzzkill."

"A what?"

"It's someone who ruins the fun."

"I'm not-"

"So we are having a picnic."

"Yes Clarke."

Clarke smirked and Lexa sighed.

 _The only opponent I cannot defeat_ she thought.

But the thought was filled with happiness for Lexa had never, even from the beginning, really wanted to defeat Clarke.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skaiprisa - sky princess  
> Shof op - Shut up

**Author's Note:**

> * Didn't want to have to add this but I am happy with any comments giving constructive criticism of the fiction as they will only help me to improve but any outright disrepectful comments will be deleted and comment moderation is turned on. I really appreciate all the genuine feedback so far but as I have some mental health issues I have to protect myself from some of the online negativity that gets thrown at me whenever I post anything online so I'm pretty strict at blocking and deleting.


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